Man ‘Tries’ to be a Woman, Ends up a Douche

Generalizations, like clichés, are born from a truth, and ignoring them completely often means we’re trying too hard—especially when it comes to men and women.

There are traits that many women share, as well as traits that a lot of men have, it’s just a fact rooted in ratios; the only time a problem arises is when someone uses those ratios to make thoughtless, stupid remarks.

Like Tom Mitchelson, a journalist for the Daily Mail.

On a whim, Mitchelson decided to live as he “imagined a woman might” (imagined is the key word here), detailing a week’s worth of thoughts into a article so full of derogatory feminine oversimplifications that it’s a good thing I have no idea where he lives.

“I worried about cellulite, obsessed about finding the right partner and thought constantly about my biological clock” Mitchelson details, adding “Pints are out; spritzers (as in wine coolers. WINE COOLERS!!) are in.”

“Westerns are gone (except Brokeback Mountain), to be replaced by romances…I ring my mother every day, buy flowers, read my horoscope, pluck my eyebrows and browse the chick-lit section of the bookshop.”

Hmmm, I know MY day as a woman isn’t complete without fixating over having a baby and hoping my horoscope will tell me if I should give the flowers I just bought to the guy I’m “obsessing” over.

I mean, honestly.

Mitchelson goes even farther into stereotype land when he suddenly explains his week thinking as a woman isn’t complete without going on a diet and being concerned with fitting into his jeans has “suddenly…become very important”.

Nowhere in the article does Mitchelson go into the deeper issues of being a woman, and how could he? Eating some freeze-dried ice cream and riding a roller coaster doesn’t make me an astronaut for a day. It just makes me a person who once ate freeze-dried ice cream.

Tommy boy can talk to me after he’s used a tampon, walked home alone at 2 AM, listened to some stranger catcall him for three blocks, and have a boss call him ‘honey’.

…AND tried a wine cooler. That sh*t’s disgusting.