Carrot Top is DROP DEAD SEXY

I kid, I kid!

Okay, I think we can all agree that Carrot Top, even when he first popped up in Hollywood, was no Justin Timberlake. He wasn’t even a Screech.

But he also wasn’t appearing in my nightmares, either, waking me up in a cold, cold sweat, like he is now.

I know we here at College Candy have mentioned the ginger-kid “comic” before (and that was one too many times) but seriously, DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF?!

What the CRAP is this?!?!? There are so many things going wrong with this man, that I’m about to fall over and have a brain aneurysm:

1. The hair. We get it. Big, poofy, curly orange hair. It’s your thing, it’s your gimmick. It’s bad.

2. The eyebrows. The dyed black eyebrows. Orange eyebrows would have been better than this.

3. The mesh tank top. Mesh tank tops should never be worn, under any circumstances. Especially this circumstance.

4. The…muscles? Do these things even qualify as biceps? They are mutant-like and asymmetrical.

5. The “Carrot Top” patch on his jeans. Blegh.

The weirdest thing (and weirder than the obvious plastic surgery) is that there are celebrities everywhere that actually resemble Carrot Top, and I’m not the first one to notice:

Danny Bonaduce!

Shawn White!

Joan Rivers!

After checking him out on IMDB, it seems like Scott Thompson has little on his professional horizon. He was, however, slammed pretty bad at Flavor Flav’s VH1 Roast. Kinda feel bad, but if he’s gonna go out in public looking like a gargoyle, he’s got it coming.

Oh yeah, there’s one more thing about Carrot Top I forgot to mention…

He’s Fergalicious!