My Slutty Slutty Dolly

So, has anyone else noticed that dolls are getting really slutty?

By Jess

First, the world had to deal with Bratz. Strange, big headed dolls with too much make-up and really skanky outfits. Dolls that—as far as I can tell—are totally aimed at creating 4th grade fashion disasters.

Besides making it seem cool to be so skinny your head looks like a watermelon, Bratz embody insipidness, sluttiness, and vapidness, limiting girls’ imaginations to taking their dolls to the “mall”, buying their dolls “stuff”, and seeing how many times their doll is mistaken for a hooker on the doll sidewalk.

Gone are the days when girls would be satisfied with a long, frilly pink dress for their dolls. Gone are the innocent one-piece bathing suits and “career” outfits. Now, thigh high stockings, tiny shirts, and skirts so short you can totally almost see plastic doll butt are all the rage.

Illustrating this disgusting theory even further is Barbie’s—or rather, Mattell’s—answer to the Bratz dynasty: My Scene Barbie.

Finding their way into Happy Meals until later this month, My Scene Barbies are almost exact replicas of the slutty toys they’re trying to imitate, except that their eyes have a slightly more “coked-out” expression and their lips look as though a collagen injection went horribly wrong.

My Scene Barbies wear their short outfits with pride, carrying a barrage of fashion “accessories” that include hooker heels and mock couture purses with a little dog stuffed inside.

Basically, we’re teaching little girls to dress and act like Paris Hilton.

Which makes me too depressed to type any longer.