Bard Idiots Carry Drug Lab Across Campus, Get Caught

By Jess

Three students at Bard College were arrested earlier this month for toting around a portable drug den.

Apparently, 2 freshmen, along with a sophomore buddy, were moving a bunch of drug paraphernalia in suitcases across campus when they were “spooked” by campus police and freaked out, one of them evidently diving into a bunch of bushes.

After the students were expelled from school, police searched their room and found quite a stash. “Nearly a pound of marijuana, half a kilogram of a partially refined but yet-unidentified hallucinogenic drug, hashish, hashish oil” and the remnants of “a portable drug-processing lab” were confiscated at the scene, causing all three students to rack up felony drug charges.

While I’m not surprised that something like this happened (1st of all, there are college drug dealers everywhere, and 2nd of all, this is Bard College. Smart hippies + campus in the middle of the woods = drug paradise), you gotta shake your head at the stupidity of ruining your life after being at an expensive private college for only two months.

With college acceptance rates lowering daily, admissions making it almost impossible to get in anywhere, and tuition forcing most of us to pay student loans until we’re 50, blowing a perfectly good college career (and future) after only 2 months of moving out of your parents home is redonkulous.

At least give yourself time to learn something before turning into a drug lord. Take a midterm. Go to a party. Befriend a professor. Realize where you are.

Anyone who would throw away such an expensive, once-in-a-life opportunity deserves to get caught.

…Especially if you’re dumb enough to carry your LSD lab across campus in a suitcase.