Relationship “Expert” Rationalizes Cheating

October 22, 2007 Posted in Buzz, Sex

At the gym this morning I caught a segment on some talk show about cheating. Basically, the show was about agencies that helped people find out if their mate was cheating on them, and if such spy agencies were even ethical.

One of the panelists on the show was “relationship expert” and author Steve Santagati, a “former model and bad boy” who penned The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate–and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top.

I’ve caught Santagati’s TV appearances before, and each time I see his smug face on camera I can’t help but throw up a little and shake my head at all the women who actually buy anything written by such an obvious egoist.

My distaste aside, Santagati never actually said anything revolting during those appearances, so I had nothing to confirm my gut reaction—until this morning.

When it came time for Mr. “Manual” to weigh in on the cheating issue, Santagati had a whole bunch of things on his “Not Cheating” list.

Flirting with a girl who’s not your girlfriend? Not cheating. Sending flirty text messages to a girl who’s not your girlfriend? Not cheating. Getting the number of a girl who’s not your girlfriend? Not cheating. Walking into a hotel with a girl who’s not your girlfriend with the intent of sleeping with her but not actually doing it because the girl backs out? Not cheating.

After watching video footage of a guy who was married for 15 years walk into a hotel with a spy agency “decoy” (a woman who pretends to want a suspected cheater), Santagati maintained that because the decoy pulled out before intercourse took place, the deadbeat husband was totally not cheating!

The women on the panel obviously went after Santagati, and after a few minutes of trying to defend himself, the “relationship expert” reverted back to the idiot I always knew he was by shouting something very close to “oh please, if I put my hand in your hair you’re coming home with me tonight!”

Santagati’s caveman speak (aka: I could totally make you cheat simply by being my douchebaggy self) hurt his already stupid cheating argument by illustrating the fact that only straight-up assholes think intending to cheat doesn’t count as cheating itself.

“Doing anything you wouldn’t do in front of the person you love” is how one panelist on the show described cheating, and I completely agree with her. Nobody needs a “relationship expert” (or “manwhore”) to define the complexities of the act.

Cheating is simple; those who make it complicated and open-ended are people like Santagati—self-servers who most likely think of doing it themselves.

58685 Comments2007-10-22+18%3A45%3A22Jess+-+NYU on "Relationship “Expert” Rationalizes Cheating"

Jaime says:
Mon, 29th Oct 20073:37 pm

It seems to me, that trying to globalize what cheating is, is… well, quite egoistical as well, (though on a whole different level of corse).

The point i'm trying to make is that cheating, innebitably comes down a "set of rules" that the couple (or more, lucky mormons, some arabs, etc) abide by. It should be noted, specially for anyone who is willing to believe that cheating is: “Doing anything you wouldn’t do in front of the person you love” that what you may do in front of the person you love they may still consider as cheating.

We all have different "boundries" by which we tackle the definition of cheating, and even these boundries can change and adapt depending on how much we love our partners or how we feel a "relationship" should manifest itself, be it fisically(sp?) or emotionally.

Monique says:
Thu, 27th Mar 200812:35 am

J-NYU

fmyts says:
Tue, 8th Dec 20093:50 am

Lol this guy is so stupid. He needs to update his views on a lot of things, I think he's just old. He says guys don't like short hair but every guy I have been with prefers short hair and I have done a lot of modeling. Would you say victoria beckham is ugly? Her hair is super short. He is stuck in the 90's. Also if "men" are programmed to look for sex and cheat, why is the number of female cheaters almost equal and why am I always trying to get more sex from my b.f.? This guy is so stupid.

Doug says:
Tue, 29th Dec 200911:31 am

The relationship expert you attempt to lampoon here seems to understand a lot more about the nature of successful alpha men than you do. I'm sure he's right about his ability to hot attract women for casual, including many feminist ones if he some desires. It's not just that he's very handsome; in fact that's only a small factor. It's the rugged, masculine nature of his good looks, and his arogant for a reason hyper confident attitude. And his "take no shit from feminists" attitude as well. I'm sure it gets him all the hot poon he wants (which is only rarely very feminist).

Here's an article from the LA Times on some evo psych (and other biological fields) insights and findings on this issue of male cheating and male power/fame.

But even a smidgen of evolutionary insight suggests that maleness plus money plus political power isn't likely to add up to the kind of sexual restraint that the public expects. A concluding word, therefore, to the outraged voters of New York state: You want monogamy? Elect a swan. Or better yet, a Diplozöon paradoxum.

Doug says:
Tue, 29th Dec 200911:32 am

Sorry: the link. (The last graph above is a quote from the link.)

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection…

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