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Don’t Want a Personal Life? Get a Boyfriend!
Obviously, there are tons of perks to dating someone: someone to snuggle with, someone to act silly with; someone to share the bed with (wink wink).
Building relationships, however, takes some time. Not time in the sense that it will take months before you feel comfortable with the person; time in the sense that there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done and have wild passionate sex. That may not be so true for those of you still in school – getting to class/that meeting isn’t that important – but once you enter the real world, responsibility comes a runnin’ and finding the time for a relationship gets a little more difficult.
Take my friend, for example. He met an awesome girl. She is sexy, smart, funny and – as he felt the need to tell me – amazing in bed. In fact, after spending the night (on a work night!), said lady friend woke him up with a little taste of her bedroom abilities.
“That is the best way to start your day, Lauren.” He said. (Actually, he made some reference to the Folger’s coffee song, but it was so cheesy I didn’t want to repeat it here.) “But, I am a little mad about the morning sex because I couldn’t get to the gym.”
His reaction may seem crazy to most people, but I totally understood what he was saying. For the past two months I have been really busy doing things for me. From morning workouts to yoga to writing to catching up on my reading, I have been incredibly busy.
Sure, I haven’t been dating. Sure, I wish I was dating. But when it came down to it, I really got into my own schedule and was finally doing the things I never had time to do when I was in a relationship.
How could I get to the gym at 5:30 when there was a boy sleeping soundly next to me? Not that I had the energy to get up after staying up far too late doing…stuff. And when was I supposed to catch up on my list of books to read when my man always wanted to hang out, talk, or go see some movies? I know it sounds so lame, but it is true.
Being in a relationship can really mess up your personal life!
It is not as if having someone special in your life is a burden, it is just that when you start dating someone it requires a lot of time. You have dinners, sleepovers, and nights out. Even if you aren’t actually doing anything, the beginning of a relationship consists of a whole lot of together time. Which is less time to get to the gym, or to do your laundry, or get to the grocery store.
Do I stand alone in this? Does anyone else feel the strain a relationship brings?
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Lola says:
Thu, 25th Oct 200711:37 am
I think it all depends on how you shape your relationship, and how many personal boundaries you establish so that you still CAN do things for you. Relationships can be a great thing if handled well!
Steph says:
Fri, 26th Oct 20075:59 am
I spend quite a bit of time with my beau, but am also a full time student and part time lifeguard. We definitely have our own spheres of interest, and sometimes we indulge in experiences together, and some days I'll read my book and watch my Comedy Central while he plays Grand Theft Auto.
It works (most of the time).
Keith says:
Mon, 29th Oct 20075:28 am
Why even worry about the damn time! It's hard enough finding someone that you want to be with and they feel the same way.
Julia says:
Fri, 16th Nov 20074:50 am
Speaking as a single girl of 4 years, I can understand your point. After developing a very independent, very non-accountable lifestyle, I can't imagine what would happen if there was someone I had to answer to. Sure, I could say I was busy, reading, working, etc etc..but then he'd probably wonder why I was dating him in the first place. Isn't dating about spending time w/ someone and doing things together? So to take off and do my own thing 90/100 times, it seems my priorities lie more w/ myself than w/ him. Maybe we can't have it all…
The Alex says:
Fri, 30th Nov 20074:39 pm
If the girl is chubby then there's no way I'd want to take away from her gym time. If she's hot, her mouth can stay glued to my man-cannon all day long for all I care, so long as there's not much talking.
Stephanie says:
Fri, 14th Dec 20074:47 pm
Totally agree with you Lauren…I had my whole freshwoman year planned out great, and the time management crap was working…i was getting gym time, me time, homework time…I was super woman…and then I met a guy…yeah…you know the rest…
Amber says:
Sun, 25th May 20087:49 pm
just for the record alex "the man cannon" is a mega-douche. jesus h. christ. I highly doubt this loser has a girlfriend.
I totally agree with this post. its hard to find that perfect balance. I have to get up at 5 to work out, and its hard to stay up late those nights. maybe i should learn how to live on less sleep.
Lauren says:
Wed, 11th Jun 20087:26 am
Why can't you just go to the gym together? Find a guy who also likes fitness and work out together…even if you use the elliptical while he lifts heavy weights, at least you guys can walk there together, and maybe even shower together afterwards
Similarly if you like to read lie in bed and read together—same book or different ones, I've done both! I think the key is finding someone that you are comfortable enough with to just do everyday things together, and to not expect every second together to be a date-type activity. Doing my classwork becomes special when I he is sitting next to me and I can give him a kiss when I feel like it. Watching the Colbert Report is more fun when he is sitting there laughing with me, and even doing situps and lunges gets better when he's there with me. Maybe I just got lucky finding such a good guy, but I haven't had to give up any of the things I need or like to do.
Suzie - George Washi says:
Wed, 11th Jun 20087:52 am
I always vowed that any man I let into my life would have to enrich it– not divert it. (yes even as a freshman I was this seriously-minded… it's a blessing/curse
2 1/2 years ago I found this great guy– he's as much of a nerd as I am and, to the surprise of both sets of parentals, our gpas actually went up after we started dating.
We're both starting grad school in the fall– he'll be at Columbia while I'll be at NYU and I can say in all honesty that every minute we've been together has added to my personal journey– never detracted.
joshua says:
Wed, 11th Jun 200811:07 am
thats the most redidculous thing that i have ever heard.. im a guy and if women thinki like that we are all in trouble!! no matter the late nights.. outings.. sleepovers… you should have no problem making time for yourself.. you dont have to spend every minute together.. im in a greaqt relationship and my girlfriend and i both work go home do what we have to do for ourselves and then get up if we have the time… you're complaining about one of the best things in life.. maybe you should become a hermit and then you would have all the time in the world for yourself!!
kay says:
Sun, 22nd Jun 20084:19 am
I'm glad someone else feels this way! I think its doubly hard for me just because I love my personal space and I am very independent/used to doing things my way, when I want to and how I want to, etc. This doesn't sit well with my bf of 2 years, but I try to encourage him to still go see his friends a lot, so I can see mine or just have some time to myself. The worst part is how he somehow has a problem/wants to fight/have sex when I'm about to leave for something important, like work or class. My bf is especially immature about trying to get my attention and he often resorts to this, but we are working all this out.
gregory dykes says:
Wed, 20th Aug 20089:51 am
i want to meet the women and have sex