Feng Shui For Your Dorm

So, maybe I don’t actually know anything about Feng Shui, but that has never stopped me before.

It is closing in on the cold, depressing months of winter after all, so let’s take a few deep breaths and maybe we can get through this together.

After all, aren’t you a little embarrassed to bring men home to your unwashed tattered sheets, thong strewn floor (actually that’s pretty hot…keep those there)? You’re in school, use your brain.

Let’s begin with the bed (that’s what she said).

I’ve seen a few different beds in my day and while 300 thread count sheets are so silky smooth they are definitely a little pricey. Never fear! There are a few other options than your classic green and blue checked flannel.

Unless you moonlight as a porn star, please avoid red satin sheets, there’s steamy and there’s sketchy and satin crosses the line in leaps and bounds. Buy these Twister sheets at www.stylehive.com and memorize this line. “How would you like to play a game of Twister…in my bed.”

Now that’s class.

Are your walls looking a little bare? You have a few different ways to go. A well placed tapestry tells the campus that you’re chill, down-to-earth, and probably have a little baggy of weed in your sock drawer.

Use a few posters from www.allposters.com as your soapbox to all inform all who dare enter your room how sweet you are. I recommend choosing one piece of art with sexual undertones- I’m fan of Picasso’s “Femme” for $20 and another highlighting you musical taste. Bonus points for smarm and or obscurity as in this little jem for $25.

Walls? Check. Now, if you haven’t already put up a few pictures from your glory days in high school, but not too many. You don’t want everyone to know that you peaked when you 17 and you probably won’t be squeezing into those size 2 jeans until you graduate and get away from the constant supply of delicious food. Don’t live in the past man, don’t live in the past.

Okay, you’re off to a good start. Your bed is made and your walls don’t completely resemble those of a minimum security prison. As soon as you throw in a few extras you’ll be ready to open up your space to friends and potential sexual partners.

Pick and choose from this list:

1. An exotic plant like a bright pink orchid or bird of paradise.

2. Tip jar for your bedside table. Humor is always sexy and you might get some quarters for laundry…

3. 6-pack of imported Hefeweizen from Belgium.

4. White Christmas lights to construct a make-shift chandelier, it looks so good if you do it right.

5. A few works to spice up your book shelf….the Vice Guide to Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll is on mine.

6. Couple of wine glasses, fill with hard candies. Practical and fruity. Add wine rack for bonus points.

7. Febreze baby, Febreze. When in doubt, pull the trigger, inhale the fresh scent.