How Fast Should You Text Him Back?

October 25, 2007 - 1:01 pm By Jess - NYU

woman-mobile-m6g.jpg There’s a new report out there saying that when it comes to “flirty text messaging”, guys reply to a text from “their crush” usually within a hour, while girls wait an average of 1 hour, 19 minutes.

Even though this report comes to us from across the pond, I can totally see those numbers making sense in America as well. Why do women wait longer to reply to texts or missed calls from their crush?

Because we don’t want to seem clingy and desperate.

Society has done a number on us when it comes to our supposed frantic need for a man in our lives. The worst kind of women, magazines and TV shows and movies explain, is the desperate woman.

The girl who’s too eager to fall in love. The chick who’s all too happy to adhere herself to her new man and never let go. The woman who cluthes her cell phone to her chest, checking it every couple of seconds to see if her guy has called, ready to fill his screen with smiley faces and exclamation points.

Therefore, we have this equation:

Replying too fast to a call or text = desperate, desperate = bad, so replying too quickly to even the friendliest of texts?

You got it. Bad.

I’m not sure if guys feel this kind of weird pressure, but for my entire dating life (when I wasn’t with someone long-term) I’ve always struggled with myself when it came to texting or calling someone back.

Part me of says waiting an extended amount of time to reply is artificial and lame, and if I really like someone, I should let them know by replying whenever I feel like it. Another part of me is still nervous about being perceived as desperate and weak, and can’t shake the feeling that a quick response will cause my crush to think I’m an idiot.

So what do I usually end up doing?

Waiting that extra 19 minutes. Just to be safe.

What about you? Are you a text-back-whenever-I-feel-like-it Girl? Are you a Waiter? Does the whole idea of turning communication into a game turn you off?

Let us know!

Do you wait to send a text to someone you’re interested in?

15 Comments   Posted in Buzz, Sex
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15 Comments on "How Fast Should You Text Him Back?"

  1. Quyen says:
    Thu, 24th Jan 200812:10 am 

    Sorry to say but text messaging is more like 5-10. Think about it, people have their phones with them all the time. Of course they check it when they get a message. Who reads the message and then comes back an hour later to answer. Either you answer or you don’t. If you’re into the guy/girl just be honest and stop playing games. Studies have shown that playing hard to get does not work. What does matter, however, is your desirability among the other guys/girls.

  2. Cate says:
    Wed, 20th Feb 200810:42 pm 

    Ok thats the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. If you do anything other than reply when you get the text (or when you get a chance) then you’re thinking way to into it, and, like you said, it’s artificial and lame. why must everything be such a game people?

  3. Gemma says:
    Fri, 27th Jun 20081:03 am 

    I think waiting too long to text message back is the biggest turn off in the world. If a guy pulls that on me, I know he’s playing games, and I don’t bother..

  4. Chey says:
    Tue, 5th Aug 20089:44 pm 

    lmao! ahah, i totally agree with the peoplee below me. I mean really, who would want to wait an hour and 19 mins, just to reply to a text? like if it said “hey, whats up?” lmao, you want us to wait that long, just to reply “nothing much. you?” rotfl, mkayy.

    i mean, when my boyfriend texts me. i reply to it, within 5 minutes, because i have my phone on me 24/7. idkk, i think that is just the funniest thing i have ever heard;; like ever,(:

  5. Summer says:
    Wed, 27th Aug 20089:18 pm 

    i actually do feel this pressure when texting back.it makes me feel super when i text back super fast but then they wait an hour.and its really hard for me to just wait(defiently not an hour) to text back.its frusterating to me.

    god im stupid

  6. Sophie says:
    Wed, 31st Dec 20086:30 pm 

    My boyfriend doesn’t text back for about 3 hours, sometimes even longer. He especially does this when i just text him something i really want a reply to. This makes me parnoid. he actually says to me he hates it when people (not refering to me) text straight back, therefore i wait for as long as i possibly can bear.

    now i m stupid

  7. harry says:
    Sat, 10th Jan 20091:06 pm 

    I normally wait like 15- 20 minutes especially if its a crush and not some one im going out with, but i reckon an hour is a bit ridiculos!

  8. leaha says:
    Mon, 9th Feb 20098:44 pm 

    ok so if my crush texts me i text him back as soon as i can, but its not only cause its my crush… if anyyone texts me i text them back asap. i mean why wait? thats stupid. if they text you say hey whats up? they are probably bored and thats why they are texting you if you wait an hour and 19 minutes or whatever they probably have found something to do and are not in the mood to text you so you screwed up and now you cant talk to him… i mean come on now waiting to text someone back so you dont look clingy? i mean he is the one that texted you first hes obviously interested .. he wants to talk to you and i mean i can understand the whole i have a life and it doesnt revolve around you. but i mean like answer the phone and talk for a few then say hey sorrry but i was in the middle of something but id love to talk can i call you in a little or text him back a few texts then say sorry to have gotten into a conversation with you but i was busy with the girls can i text you in a little while.. then you dont look clingy but you also dont look stupid cause your just staring at the clock waiting for it to be a hour and 19 minutes since he texted you..

  9. Lisa says:
    Tue, 31st Mar 20097:12 am 

    I agree, waiting an hour is ridiculous. Game playing is stupid to me. Sure you want to seem appealing, but just maybe not text as long. Personally, I hate th game playing.

  10. sarah says:
    Mon, 20th Apr 20092:47 pm 

    waitin an hour is so stupid im a txt freak always on my fone i always txt every1 bk str8 away unless im havin a lazy day! a guy im seein at the moment he can take lyk a full 24hrs to txt me bk an yeh its kinda annoyin as i always txt him bk never longer than half hour anyway an thats not as im playing games its cos im actually busy like i hate games im an open book best way to be i say

  11. jocy says:
    Mon, 6th Jul 20096:44 pm 

    i dont understand he gets mad when i take forever to text back butt when he does it, its okayy like i cant be lik wtf cause i dont wanna seem to interested , even thou weve been talking on and off for a yearr ahhh ! advice ? should i text him first oncce in a bluemoon or always wait for him ?.
    help ! ehh guys and there stupid games .

  12. rachel says:
    Thu, 23rd Jul 200910:33 pm 

    I HATE THIS GAME!! this guy ive been on and off with for a while is all about the games. it pisses me off so much. im this {-} close to dropping him. i don’t appear desperate at all but i am genuine and don’t strategize to put on a fake show. its all so dumb,

  13. fer says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 20092:34 pm 

    i think its ridiculous honestly.
    most guys i know tell me they hate playing games.
    just keep it simple reply when u feel like it and if you are busy oh well..just text him back later.

  14. Lindsey says:
    Wed, 26th Aug 20099:31 am 

    right, it seems quite alot of girls/women have this problem! i sure do ha. im seeing this guy and he sometimes texts me first but he takes ages to reply.. its soooo frustating! i think to be honest, us ladys should take control.. and for once show the guys how its done! we should text them first, and f*ck all this waiting crack… when you get the text reply simple. to be honest, hes probably thinking the same thing (as we all know guys loveeeee to play it coool) !! at the end of the day ladies we are the prize to be won in all this, if he thinks your clingy…ect ect.. his loss. im sure thres thousands of other guys in this world who would be texting you back within minutes. i might seem like im a little b*tchy, but to be honest im just telling it how it is! :) . Gooood Luck Ladies x

  15. michaela says:
    Tue, 22nd Sep 200910:09 pm 

    ya of course i feel pressured if its someone i like… but waiting is retarded & just bcas you txt som1 back rlly fast doesnt make you clingy.i usually jus txt bak asap.i mean rlly thats jus gay

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