How Fast Should You Text Him Back?

October 25, 2007     Posted in Buzz, Sex

woman-mobile-m6g.jpg There’s a new report out there saying that when it comes to “flirty text messaging”, guys reply to a text from “their crush” usually within a hour, while girls wait an average of 1 hour, 19 minutes.


By Jess

Even though this report comes to us from across the pond, I can totally see those numbers making sense in America as well. Why do women wait longer to reply to texts or missed calls from their crush?

Because we don’t want to seem clingy and desperate.

Society has done a number on us when it comes to our supposed frantic need for a man in our lives. The worst kind of women, magazines and TV shows and movies explain, is the desperate woman.

The girl who’s too eager to fall in love. The chick who’s all too happy to adhere herself to her new man and never let go. The woman who cluthes her cell phone to her chest, checking it every couple of seconds to see if her guy has called, ready to fill his screen with smiley faces and exclamation points.

Therefore, we have this equation:

Replying too fast to a call or text = desperate, desperate = bad, so replying too quickly to even the friendliest of texts?

You got it. Bad.

I’m not sure if guys feel this kind of weird pressure, but for my entire dating life (when I wasn’t with someone long-term) I’ve always struggled with myself when it came to texting or calling someone back.

Part me of says waiting an extended amount of time to reply is artificial and lame, and if I really like someone, I should let them know by replying whenever I feel like it. Another part of me is still nervous about being perceived as desperate and weak, and can’t shake the feeling that a quick response will cause my crush to think I’m an idiot.

So what do I usually end up doing?

Waiting that extra 19 minutes. Just to be safe.

What about you? Are you a text-back-whenever-I-feel-like-it Girl? Are you a Waiter? Does the whole idea of turning communication into a game turn you off?

Let us know!

Do you wait to send a text to someone you’re interested in?

35 Comments on "How Fast Should You Text Him Back?"

  1. Quyen says:
    Wed, 23rd Jan 20087:10 pm 

    Sorry to say but text messaging is more like 5-10. Think about it, people have their phones with them all the time. Of course they check it when they get a message. Who reads the message and then comes back an hour later to answer. Either you answer or you don't. If you're into the guy/girl just be honest and stop playing games. Studies have shown that playing hard to get does not work. What does matter, however, is your desirability among the other guys/girls.

  2. Cate says:
    Wed, 20th Feb 20085:42 pm 

    Ok thats the dumbest thing i've ever heard. If you do anything other than reply when you get the text (or when you get a chance) then you're thinking way to into it, and, like you said, it's artificial and lame. why must everything be such a game people?

  3. Gemma says:
    Thu, 26th Jun 20088:03 pm 

    I think waiting too long to text message back is the biggest turn off in the world. If a guy pulls that on me, I know he's playing games, and I don't bother..

  4. Chey says:
    Tue, 5th Aug 20084:44 pm 

    lmao! ahah, i totally agree with the peoplee below me. I mean really, who would want to wait an hour and 19 mins, just to reply to a text? like if it said "hey, whats up?" lmao, you want us to wait that long, just to reply "nothing much. you?" rotfl, mkayy.

    i mean, when my boyfriend texts me. i reply to it, within 5 minutes, because i have my phone on me 24/7. idkk, i think that is just the funniest thing i have ever heard;; like ever,(:

  5. Summer says:
    Wed, 27th Aug 20084:18 pm 

    i actually do feel this pressure when texting back.it makes me feel super when i text back super fast but then they wait an hour.and its really hard for me to just wait(defiently not an hour) to text back.its frusterating to me.

    god im stupid

  6. Sophie says:
    Wed, 31st Dec 20081:30 pm 

    My boyfriend doesn't text back for about 3 hours, sometimes even longer. He especially does this when i just text him something i really want a reply to. This makes me parnoid. he actually says to me he hates it when people (not refering to me) text straight back, therefore i wait for as long as i possibly can bear.

    now i m stupid

  7. harry says:
    Sat, 10th Jan 20098:06 am 

    I normally wait like 15- 20 minutes especially if its a crush and not some one im going out with, but i reckon an hour is a bit ridiculos!

  8. leaha says:
    Mon, 9th Feb 20093:44 pm 

    ok so if my crush texts me i text him back as soon as i can, but its not only cause its my crush… if anyyone texts me i text them back asap. i mean why wait? thats stupid. if they text you say hey whats up? they are probably bored and thats why they are texting you if you wait an hour and 19 minutes or whatever they probably have found something to do and are not in the mood to text you so you screwed up and now you cant talk to him… i mean come on now waiting to text someone back so you dont look clingy? i mean he is the one that texted you first hes obviously interested .. he wants to talk to you and i mean i can understand the whole i have a life and it doesnt revolve around you. but i mean like answer the phone and talk for a few then say hey sorrry but i was in the middle of something but id love to talk can i call you in a little or text him back a few texts then say sorry to have gotten into a conversation with you but i was busy with the girls can i text you in a little while.. then you dont look clingy but you also dont look stupid cause your just staring at the clock waiting for it to be a hour and 19 minutes since he texted you..

  9. Lisa says:
    Tue, 31st Mar 20092:12 am 

    I agree, waiting an hour is ridiculous. Game playing is stupid to me. Sure you want to seem appealing, but just maybe not text as long. Personally, I hate th game playing.

  10. sarah says:
    Mon, 20th Apr 20099:47 am 

    waitin an hour is so stupid im a txt freak always on my fone i always txt every1 bk str8 away unless im havin a lazy day! a guy im seein at the moment he can take lyk a full 24hrs to txt me bk an yeh its kinda annoyin as i always txt him bk never longer than half hour anyway an thats not as im playing games its cos im actually busy like i hate games im an open book best way to be i say

  11. jocy says:
    Mon, 6th Jul 20091:44 pm 

    i dont understand he gets mad when i take forever to text back butt when he does it, its okayy like i cant be lik wtf cause i dont wanna seem to interested , even thou weve been talking on and off for a yearr ahhh ! advice ? should i text him first oncce in a bluemoon or always wait for him ?.

    help ! ehh guys and there stupid games .

  12. rachel says:
    Thu, 23rd Jul 20095:33 pm 

    I HATE THIS GAME!! this guy ive been on and off with for a while is all about the games. it pisses me off so much. im this {-} close to dropping him. i don't appear desperate at all but i am genuine and don't strategize to put on a fake show. its all so dumb,

  13. fer says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 20099:34 am 

    i think its ridiculous honestly.

    most guys i know tell me they hate playing games.

    just keep it simple reply when u feel like it and if you are busy oh well..just text him back later.

  14. Lindsey says:
    Wed, 26th Aug 20094:31 am 

    right, it seems quite alot of girls/women have this problem! i sure do ha. im seeing this guy and he sometimes texts me first but he takes ages to reply.. its soooo frustating! i think to be honest, us ladys should take control.. and for once show the guys how its done! we should text them first, and f*ck all this waiting crack… when you get the text reply simple. to be honest, hes probably thinking the same thing (as we all know guys loveeeee to play it coool) !! at the end of the day ladies we are the prize to be won in all this, if he thinks your clingy…ect ect.. his loss. im sure thres thousands of other guys in this world who would be texting you back within minutes. i might seem like im a little b*tchy, but to be honest im just telling it how it is! :) . Gooood Luck Ladies x

  15. michaela says:
    Tue, 22nd Sep 20095:09 pm 

    ya of course i feel pressured if its someone i like… but waiting is retarded & just bcas you txt som1 back rlly fast doesnt make you clingy.i usually jus txt bak asap.i mean rlly thats jus gay

  16. Marie says:
    Mon, 11th Jan 20108:46 pm 

    I tend to reply in about or in a little more time than he did.

  17. adventura says:
    Sat, 16th Jan 20107:16 pm 

    I think the best is to wait just a little longer than he waited, just add a few extra minutes, so u are not too desperate….

    But, ooops, sometimes if im not careful, i find myself texting back straight away, especially if Im emotional involved.

    Its a learning process , yes and a kind of game, too, unfortunately that is how things work .If you are like me , not a game player, its a hard thing to do….

  18. ambe says:
    Thu, 21st Jan 20107:10 am 

    I feel like this world is filled with people who think that they have a second chance to live on this earth cause if not so, why play all this mind game??? to me, whether I am replying a text to a guy or a girl, I do it as soon as I see it..afterall it is something u do it as a sign of respect to the other person..not a way to show that ur available or not.

  19. louisee says:
    Wed, 3rd Feb 201012:19 pm 

    ughhh i hate it! i like to just text back once i get the text, my boyfriend says he 'forgets' or he's busy. like 2night he sed soz ive been at swimming the whole time but i had just been talking to some1 else n they sed he was on msn to them 10 minutes b4!!! its ridiculous and so annoying :L makes me real paranoid as well n thts not what you want in a relationship.

  20. cail says:
    Fri, 2nd Apr 201012:35 am 

    So, from a guys perspective and most other guys I know feel this way. Stop trying to strategize your relationship. If you're really into him let him know. If I'm into a girl and she plays the waiting game with communications I just assume she's not interested and move on. Don't feel offended if we don't always respond straight away though. I wouuld say, on average, girls are more concerned with being in constant contact. My rules for answering text messages? The same as email and phone calls, if I'm not busy and feel like talking to you I will, otherwise I wait. People put way too much importance on being instantly available, there's no reason to drop everything you're doing to talk to anyone. Wait until a convenient time and get back to them. So, basically do what feels right to you and don't try to make up rules. Most of these "don't seem desperate" type rules were made up by women and don't do anything other than stress you out and make you seem fake and half interested. Don't miss out on a great guy cause you're afraid he might figure out that you like him… doesn't that sound silly?

  21. MS. LEE says:
    Sat, 17th Apr 20102:07 am 

    Lol….well I usually wait like about ten minute tell I text my crush back because I don’t want him thinking I was waiting all day for his text. I mean come on it does kind of make you seem obsessed over the dude when you quick to respond to him as if you were actually waiting for that text. but just with the first text, if you continue with this then you are killing the whole interest.

  22. ann says:
    Fri, 16th Jul 201010:18 pm 

    I totally agree with everyone below. I wouldn't wait for 1 hour because I ALWAYS have my phone one me. Who doesn't? But my crush have been texting me this week but when i answer, he doesn't reply back at all. It makes me so frustrated and feel like he's not interested. But why bother texting someone when your not gonna reply?

  23. jenn says:
    Mon, 19th Jul 20101:31 am 

    i think that when a guy has to wait to text back is just stupid. if the girl likes you she wouldnt care if its right away. she would be happy.

    i knew this guy who would take so long to text me and i got sick of him pretty fast and moved on…

  24. jason says:
    Sat, 30th Oct 20102:52 pm 

    I'ma guy and I like it when girls respond faster. To me, it shows your confident and not worried about whether you SOUND desperate. However, there is a difference from that and being desperate. If you are texting him 24/7 and he continually finds excuses to avoid you, then yeah you should stop and take a break. But for the most part, waiting for someone to text me is kinda annoying and after i while, I just stop responding all together.

  25. Annelli says:
    Fri, 17th Dec 20104:47 pm 

    I think 48 hours (two days) is enough time to respond to text messages, phone calls or emails…regardless of the reason. Just as l long as it is no longer than that….it is fine. I am not the type of person who likes to carry my cell phone around with me as I don't really like talking or texting when I am at work or out and about…sometimes, I don't even want to be bother when I get home so I will turn the cell phone off complete. and turn off the ringer for my home phone and call it a day.

  26. tameyah says:
    Wed, 5th Jan 20113:45 pm 

    i like you

  27. tameyah says:
    Wed, 5th Jan 20113:46 pm 

    i got a crush on him

  28. tameyah says:
    Wed, 5th Jan 20113:48 pm 

    these ladies that done post something on this wall they are haters

  29. tameyah says:
    Wed, 5th Jan 20113:51 pm 

    i like it

  30. Viva100 says:
    Tue, 26th Apr 20117:03 am 

    I think that if you end up playing games with someone, then he's not the right person for you.
    If he was into you, he would reply whenever he had the chance, even after 1 min if he had the phone with him and was available to text.
    However I'm single, so maybe I'm giving the wrong advice lol but at least it's what I think should be right.

  31. rhy says:
    Fri, 26th Aug 20112:40 pm 

    I hate waiting I feel like im trying to play a game, which it is. But I always have my phone on me and just reply back right away not really thinking much of it. I usually have full on conversations through texting so its difficult especially with the guy I like. But I've done the waiting game a few times just to test out this theory…what I have taken from it is the other party knows your playing this game so they play it right back and you both end up frustrated. so if you do wait, wait 10 mins at most.

  32. Story says:
    Thu, 9th Feb 201212:49 pm 

    I have the same problem. I like a guy, but I always want to dive into an interesting conversation instead of the usual "hey" "whats up?" "yup" "lol" conversation :/ Evereytime I text him he is SOOOO boring. But when we talk face to face it is a lot more interesting. Sometimes I feel like he is not interested in me when we text, but I also feel like he is interested in me when we hang out. I wanna say he is a player, but I am not for sure on that. But what do I know? I am only a teenager who wants this guy to talk to me.
    #Forever alone lol!!!

  33. Chelsea K. Brown says:
    Sun, 25th Mar 201210:48 pm 

    I for one don’t wait that long to reply to my crushes text message. I have my phone by me all the time. Plus I want to keep the conversation going :] Also I love to text lolz

  34. Anabelle says:
    Tue, 27th Mar 20122:11 am 

    Same problem here! lol
    He's boring over text and interesting in person. Go figure. lol

  35. SweetTotts says:
    Wed, 30th May 20126:02 pm 

    I like to wait a while. Guys do this all the time. I mean do you really get a response from the guy right away. Sometimes they take hours to respond and your waiting and waiting. therefore make them wait and let them have a bite of their own cookie. Besides you do not want to show that you are obsessive and have nothing to do but text. When someone does not text me right away I always assume they are ultra busy in their daily lives. Make the guy think you are and he will for sure like you more. (=

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