My Freshman Year: Day 71

Days as a Freshman: 71

Mood: Wanting to be blank

“Grace? Are you listening? I’ve been screaming your name for like 5 minutes.”

Stacey’s reflection stared at me from the mirror, her eyes heavy with pink glitter. Her whole body was heavy with pink glitter, actually. If I didn’t know any better, I would think my roommate was dressing up as one of those marshmallow birds that take over drugstores in the Spring. Peeps. That’s what they were called, and that’s exactly what Stacey looked like.

“Sorry, I was reading.” Pulling my scarf tighter around my neck, I leaned back in my chair and gave Stacey my full attention. She’d never shut up if I didn’t. “What are you supposed to be again?”

“I’m Jem. Isn’t it obvious? This hair is great, huh?” Straightening a short fuchsia wig on her head, Stacey looked back into her own eyes.

“Oh. Jem. 80’s cartoon. I get it.” I closed my history book and rubbed my face. The words had been jumbling together for the last 30 minutes. I couldn’t concentrate.

“Aren’t you coming out tonight?” Stacey popped her pink gum and applied more pink blush. “You can’t spend Halloween inside, Grace.”

“Rebecca and I might walk around for a little while later.”

“Rebecca?” Stacey’s expression went sour. “How can you stand to hang out with that girl? She’s so weird.”

“I don’t think she’s weird.”

“Ugh, she’s totally weird. She never talks to me.” Stacey clicked her lipstick shut and turned away from her own reflection. “She really doesn’t. She doesn’t talk to me.”

“Once you get to know her, she’s pretty cool.” Standing up, I walked over to my bed and pulled my blanket around my shoulders, sitting down again heavily. I was way too exhausted for 8 o’clock.

“You really should come out tonight.” Stacey slipped on a pair of pink heels and pulled her purse over a smooth, glittering shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? I’m fine.” I tried to smile. “Just really tired…”

“I saw you…walking…the other day with MaryAnne…are you two friends?”

MaryAnne. With the pink bracelets. MaryAnne from Ms. Mullen’s English 204 class. MaryAnne who’s cousin said she was assaulted at the soccer house. The girl I had spent an hour talking with after class that day, and then another two hours in the dining hall with Rebecca.

“We have a class together.” Stacey’s gaze was suddenly too heavy. I wondered if she could hear the lie in my voice as much as I felt it. “We were just talking.”

“Oh.” Stacey was standing by the door now, obviously deciding if she should continue talking to her drabby roommate or go out and begin her wild night. “She’s the one who…well, she and the girl who…” Her voice trailed off. She was waiting to see if I knew.

“I heard something about…but we weren’t…we’re partners for an assignment.” I really wanted Stacey to leave. I really wanted to stop talking about this. I had spent days trying to get the conversation with MaryAnne out of my head, and stirring it back up with a roommate dressed like a pink squishy candy was not something I was prepared to deal with. “Have fun tonight, ‘Rooms. Maybe I’ll rally later and see you around.”

“Okay. The girls and I will be all over the place. Just call.” Giving a pink nailpolished wave, Stacey pushed open the door and walked out into the hallway, shedding glitter everywhere.

Thank God. I was so relieved I almost said it out loud. Falling back onto my bed, I closed my eyes and willed my mind to go blank. I willed all thought to melt away. I just needed a minute of pure silence.

Just as I had suspected before I went ahead and introduced myself to MaryAnne after class that day, talking to her had pulled me deeper into something I wasn’t sure I was supposed to touch in the first place. Now, I knew too much. Names. Details.

And what Sasha had wanted to tell me that night.

Rolling over, I covered my head with a pillow. I wanted to block it all out.

“Grace?”

Someone knocked on the door. I didn’t answer. Go away, I thought. Just go away.

“Grace?” I heard the door click and open. I heard someone step inside. I felt them touch my foot. “Hey…Grace? It’s Sasha.”

And suddenly, my mind really did go blank. From panic.