College Candy

Here’s one last thing to go along with the scary Halloween television and disturbing décor: Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong are totally hooking up.

Frightening, right?

According to the ever-scandalous Page Six, Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were seen together at the Gramercy Park Hotel’s bar on Monday night “making out” while Ashley “sat on Lance’s lap”.

The pair, 21 and 36, have a 15-year age difference between them and about a billion Ex’s. Armstrong was recently linked to Sheryl Crow and designer Tory Burch, while Ashley seems to have dated pretty much any guy who thinks she’s cool.

The creepiest part about this pairing is the fact that Lance Armstrong always struck me as a super-responsible, super cool guy. Something about winning 7 Tour de Frances and beating cancer made him seem laid back and experienced, a dude who sought out cool, traveled friends and mature women. To see him making out with Ashley Olsen crushes everything I (we?) previously thought.

Plus…ew.

The girl doesn’t seem like she could keep up with a sloth walking down the street, let alone a world famous cyclist who apparently doesn’t understand the word tired.

I mean, what is the attraction?

Guess this is a lesson in the dangers of idolization; let the media make you believe someone is more than human, and your heart has that much farther to fall when you see them making out with a 21-year-old multimillion dollar bag-lady wannabe.

Ugh. Where’s my remote? I gotta find a scary movie to take the terrifying image of an Ashley Olsen make-out sesh from my mind.