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Will He Hold the Door, Or Elbow You in the Face?
Chivalry is not dead. It’s alive and well—or, at least alive.Since moving to New York, I have come across varying degrees of gallantry. Some is well intentioned and friendly; while some has a faded, slightly sour quality. Some acts of chivalry are carried out with genuine kindness, and some are done because the guy can’t bare the thought of letting a woman exert any kind of power.
How do you know what level of chivalry you’re getting on a daily basis? Read on.
LEVEL 1: On this, the brightest and friendliest level, the guy is being polite and helpful because he wants to be. Opening a door for you, standing up so you can take his seat on the subway, giving you room to pass on the sidewalk, all of these things are done with a smile and a pleasant glance. This guy’s mama taught him well, and it’s no trouble at all for him to show women that he holds them in high esteem.
Although it’s rare, this level does indeed exist, and I recommend immediately inquiring if such a polite lad has a partner, and if finding him to be single, snatching him up as quick as possible.
LEVEL 2: The majority of guys circulate around this level. If you both happen to reach the door at the same time, he’ll let you go through. He’s not watching out for you on the sidewalk, but if you both happen to play the “which-way-am-I-going? game”, he’ll be the first one to shift definitively to one side. If you’re weighed down with packages on the bus, he may or may not move for you, depending on his mood.
Just expecting a guy to open doors and throw his coat down on mud for you isn’t the best way to go through life, and dudes in this level agree with that, dispensing their chivalry on a constant basis mostly for girlfriends only. Then again, catch a Level 2 on a good day and you’ll be presently surprised by their gentlemanly deeds.
LEVEL 3: These guys are chivalrous because they feel like they have to be. They’re not happy about opening doors for you, but they’ll do it, provided you move your ass through nice and fast. Begrudgingly standing when you walk by on the train, sighing heavily when they move over on the stairs, these guys want you to know that being chivalrous is a total chore—but they’re nice so they DO IT.
Don’t even try to hold the door for a Level 3. They hold it for you, damnit! Dissing their masculinity by trying to be nice is totally NOT cool. GOD. YOU WOMEN NEVER APPRECIATE ANYTHING!
LEVEL 4: Is reserved for douchebags and chauvinists. They’re just as likely to elbow you in the face as they are to help carry your groceries. Usually, their kind of chivalry is reserved for drunk girls who would have followed them home anyway…and for seducing the boss’s wife.
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Michael says:
Tue, 13th Nov 20075:12 am
Ok, I was raised to be Chivalrous, but it is truly impossible anymore. Either you get some little Paris Hilton wannabe who EXPECTS you to serve her like a little princess, or you get some Womens' Studies chick who is pissy that you think she can't open her own door. How the hell can I win!
Rachel Louise says:
Wed, 14th Nov 20073:33 pm
I am a Southern girl and I don't think chivalry is needed! True respect for a woman is not opening a door. I don't need a guy to do things for me that I am not expected to do for him. I don't care if my boyfriend feels obligated or not. We should treat each other as EQUALS!!!!
STEVE says:
Thu, 15th Nov 20076:18 am
wow, looks like Rachel may not have read Micheal's comment. She fits option B pretty well. If a guy does something for you, appreicate it. Everything is not linked to one's sex. We're doin it cuz we're nice. i try to be that way to anyone, not just females.
Mei says:
Wed, 28th Nov 20073:49 pm
This guy at my school was a level 1 and i didn't snatch him up because i had a bf. my bf ended up cheating on me and i dont't see the guy anymore. lose-lose situation unfortunately >_
Jess says:
Fri, 14th Dec 20077:50 pm
there are girls that arent paris hiltons or pissy chicks. i guess they are just as rare as finding a chivalrous (sp?) guy though.
my boyfriend is very chivalrous and i love it but i dont expect him to do it yet im very appreciative of it.
his parents told him he should always treat his girlfriend like a princess. i definately feel like one when im with him. =]
Dixie - Texas Christ says:
Tue, 22nd Jan 200810:07 am
I think that chivalry IS partly linked to masculinity and as the lines between gender roles blur, so do the bounds of chivalry. There are definitely varying degrees of this kind of generosity, but unfortunately I don't feel like they necessarily correspond with the caliber of man overall. There are guys who will hold the door open for you and then try to feel you up in return, just as there are guys who don't think to open your car door, but can end up being the most genuine caring people. To the men out there who aren't thanked for their courtesy, I am very sorry. You don't deserve that, but as we know, no good deed goes unpunished.
Sam says:
Sun, 2nd Nov 20083:13 am
Chivalry is important because some people are so amazing that they deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and humility, most types of chivalry is just commen desency, however some goes further, there are some people who in life i would willingly take a bullet for, not just girls eather, this is beacuse i belive they are better people then i am and so are worth the sacrifice, is this chivalry i dont know, in 2003 i fought an armed mugger to protect my gf when i was walking her home, i lost my index and forfinger and recieved a mild stab wound to the sholder, i did however manage to disarm the mugger and put him in hospital and court and my gf didnt get a scratch on her, we r broken up now but i still think it was worth it.