America’s Next Top Model is at a Loss for Words

Heather in last week’s photo shoot

In case you missed it (shame on you!), here’s your America’s Next Top Model recap!

I know it’s trendy to hate Tyra, but I think I kind of love her. Who else would make a ANTM challenge out of having models serve as muses for seemingly crazy student fashion designers creating dresses out of an Easter-blue three-piece skirt suit? The designers all seem confused, but all of the dresses actually come out looking great.

Once the models all have to do a runway walk showing off the designs, coupled with saying a few lines about how they inspired their dress, it becomes clear what the actual purpose of the challenge was—cringe-worthy awkward NEVERENDING silence from Heather, who draws a blank when she gets to the end of the runway. Seriously. Longest silence ever.

Silence that went into commercial.

And, if you were anything like me in high school, you’ll recognize it as that deafening silence when you blank on a presentation in front of the class and starting making awkward noises in place of words, while silently wishing for death. Saleisha ends up winning the challenge—a photo shoot with Seventeen magazine—and picks Lisa and Bianca to do it with her.

When they get home, tensions high, Saleisha, Lisa, and Heather argue over who gets the shower first. Naked. While they’re all still in the shower together. Take that, Real World!

This week’s shoot, “Model Wasteland,” brings the girls to the middle of a desert, where Mr. Jay greets them and tells them that the emotion to convey, while standing next to a burning car in a formal dress, is “desperation fabulous.” Love it. Heather can’t let go of her frustration from the challenge and does only a so-so job, but even worse is Ambreal, who sits her butt down Indian-style on the ground as if she’s gathering around for a campfire. My favorite is Chantal, who just nailed it and looked f-i-e-r-c-e.

Judging takes an exciting turn when Tyra informs everyone that they are going to China! Everyone minus the girl who gets cut that night, of course. Ouch. Way to rub salt in the wound, Ty-Ty. Bianca is called first, and it comes down to Ambreal and Lisa, which befuddles me, because even standing next to each other, I find Lisa so much more striking than Ambreal. And thank goodness Tyra sees it too and sends Ambreal home!

Next week, park yourself on the couch to see how the girls manage in China—and for more awkward, long silences when they shoot a Cover Girl commercial.