The Hills: Heidi and Spencer Duke it Out

I know what will be on my Hanukkah List this year: a few private sessions with Whitney, Lauren and Audrina’s trainer. Not that I find him attractive – I usually don’t go for beefy dudes in tight t-shirts who like to “cheers!” to everything.

By Lauren

No, I want to train with a guy who makes people go for a walk, do five jumping jacks, punch a little bit in the air, grab a few cocktails and end up looking like Whitney. Could her legs be more ridiculous?

Seriously, I don’t think this dude is a real trainer. I think he hangs out at the gym pretending to be one in order to lure hot girls into his giant beefy arms. And, clearly, it worked! He snagged one of L.A.’s hottest and managed to get a deal training some hot new music stars. Perhaps they – like me – saw Whitney and fell for his training charade.

I can also tell you what I don’t want for Hanukkah this year. And that is Spencer Pratt. First of all, that blonde haired/blue eyed freak could never pass for a Jew (and my papa wouldn’t approve). But second, and most important, Spencer makes me ill.

Not like “annoyed” ill. More like “I hate and judge a lot of people but you totally take the cake to the point that you make me lose my appetite for cake. Which is one of my favorite things” ill.

I didn’t think it was possible, but with each passing episode of The Hills I begin to hate him more. Like, a lot more. In fact, he has made his way to the top of my list of things I hate:

1. Spencer Pratt

2. Ohio State University

3. This girl who used to be in my sorority.

And now that Heidi is finally planning the wedding Spencer is having a pouty breakdown. What is the deal? He proposed to her! Maybe he is catching onto what we all knew all along: he should not be getting married. The kid is barely able to breathe let alone handle a marriage. How is he going to support his wife? He has no job. Nor the drive to go out and get one. And what happens down the road when they have another disagreement? Is he gonna leave then, too? And do you think Spencer Pratt is the kind of person that will stay with his dear wife when her fake boobs start heading south and that pretty little body of hers starts to go?

And who will fill the pews at their wedding now that they have alienated everyone on the West Coast?

So many questions. That obviously don’t get answered. It seems like red roses are enough to lure Heidi back into the nest. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Oh and P.S. Did you see scenes for next week? There is a Spencer-ette! This is gonna be g-o-o-d!