My Freshman Year: Day 98

By Ccandygrace

Days as a Freshman: 98

Mood: Feeling weird

“So, how was your Thanksgiving?” Justin ran his finger over the dark, thick spines of books that looked as though they had been down in the stacks for centuries, the archaic gold writing worn away with age, the leather worn and tearing in places. We were in a far corner reserved for old English texts, big, dense volumes our grandparents were probably bored by in the early 1900’s.

“It was fine. A little weird…” I leaned against the opposite shelf, dropping my backpack by my feet. “Some kid came over accidentally. I mean… I accidentally invited someone over for dessert who I didn’t know that well…”

“Who?” Checking a small piece of paper gripped in his fingers, Justin locked onto a particularly giant volume and pulled it out, leafing through the thin pages. “And how do you accidentally invite someone over?”

“Long story.” It really wasn’t that long of a story, but Justin was a sophomore and probably had no idea who Daniel B. was. “It was just weird. I think he got the wrong idea…about things.”

Bending down, Justin placed the giant book on top of a few others on the floor. When he straightened up again, he was looking at me and grinning in a weird, knowing way. “The wrong idea? About things? Someone? You’re an awfully vague girl, you know that?”

“I guess I can be. Sometimes…” I picked my backpack up, fiddling with the straps before putting it over one shoulder. I was nervous. Justin made me nervous. It was the first time we had talked since the fight, and I wasn’t sure bumping into him in the library tonight was by chance or planned. I worked Monday nights behind the return desk. It was a pretty public position, and Justin’s “surprised” look when he just happened to walk by at the end of my shift was maybe not the most believable expression I’ve seen in my life.

“Got everything I need.” Piling the books into his bag, Justin zippered it shut and lifted it with a grunt. “Jesus. It’s like I have 7 Bibles in here or something.” He brushed past me and looked back, “You hungry? I was gonna stop at the café after this.”

“Oh, I’m fine.” I chased after him, my short legs doing their best to keep up with his long, leisurely strides. “I should go back to my room and finish stuff.”

“Finish ‘stuff’, huh?” Justin stopped in the threshold to the main lower library lobby, swinging himself around to face me, grinning like he knew better. “I don’t buy it. Come on, my treat. I’ll get you anything you want.”

Justin seemed to forget we had only seen each other a few times; once when he said nothing to me, once when he was half-naked, and once when I watched him slam someone into a wall. The way he smiled at me now, it was like we had been friends for years.

Was he really being genuine? Or was there something he wanted?

“Well…” Hitching my backpack higher onto my shoulder, I searched for an excuse.

“Come on, kid. I have something to talk to you about anyway.” Without waiting for me to find a way out of the invitation, Justin started out into the lower lobby. He looked back only once, to make sure I was following him up the steps, and satisfied that I was indeed climbing up after him, turned around and headed toward the main room.

As I followed his tall frame through the library, I made a deal with myself. No matter what he asked, no matter what he wanted me to do, I wasn’t going to do anything to protect anyone in the soccer house anymore. Lying to Dean Carlon had filled my stomach with guilt all Thanksgiving break, and every night before going to sleep in my childhood bed I had thought about how little I knew about Sasha.

I had to stop. Stop telling myself Sasha was a stranger but then treating him like a friend. He wasn’t a friend. Not yet.

“You want a piece of cake? I saw pieces of some sick chocolate cake in the café this afternoon.” Justin held the door open for me and the cold November night air hit my face. “You look like a cake girl. I’ll buy it for you.”

We walked down the steps and Justin smiled at me for a third time. Even in the dimly lit night air, I realized that I was looking at another potential obstacle in my pledge to be good and righteous.

It really wasn’t fair how cute these boys were.