What the Hell is Inside Your Purse?

Andy Rooney, a super old guy who used to make movies and now just sits in an office and lets 60 Minutes totally take advantage of his oldness, recently ranted about how Americans are carrying “more stuff than they used to”.

The Duhness factor of his rant notwithstanding (I mean, what did people carry around in his day? Keys to a car they powered with their feet?), I decided to take a cue from Jezebel and go through my own purse to see if all the crap shoved inside was stuff I actually needed.

(This is a day when my bag is not splitting at the seems from carrying my giant, heavy laptop.)

1) Burt’s Bees hand cream: Totally needed. Since I can’t ever hold onto a pair of gloves longer than a week, my hands take a beating every winter. Unless I want the skin to rip off, I gotta moisturize at least twice a day.

2) Three tubes of Chapstick: Okay. Three might be an excessive number…but sometimes I want my lips fruity, other times I want serious moisture action, and every once in a while, a little instant caffeine.

3) Sunglasses / Reading glasses: The reading glasses I could probably just throw into the trash. I’m too vain to ever put them on, and spend most of my day squinting.

4) Kashi granola bar: Kashi is the sh*t. And you never know when you’ll be starving.

5) Metro card: Hello. You think I have money for cabs?

6) Wallet: Obvi.

7) Two packs of gum: Minty one day, bubble gum the next. I see this as a necessity.

8 ) Band-Aids: Instant blister relief

9) 4 Pens: 4 is nothing. I used to have 10, until someone pointed out how weird it was that I hoarded other people’s lost and forgotten writing implements.

10) Notebook: Sometimes I just need to write down that brilliant thought.

11) Scrap from Magazine: I’m planning on buying the face cream on page 98. Someday I’ll get to it.

12) New York magazine: Look, sometimes I don’t feel like looking at other people on the subway. Pretending to read solves this issue.

13) Piece of cookie in plastic bag: How long has that been in here…?

14) Tiny Packet of Lube: How long has that been in here…?

15) One Glove: Maybe I’ll find the other one someday.

16) Minnie Mirror: I’m not vain, I swear. I have contacts, and sometimes dust gets inside. Seriously!

17) Clementine: These things are only in season for a few months! I eat 3 a day.

So, yeah, I carry a giant bag full of (mostly) necessary items. I won’t deny that it doesn’t get heavy, but downgrading to something small and compact just isn’t an option when you live out of your purse.

What’s the weirdest thing you have in your bag? Think yours is bursting with even more stuff than mine? Let us know!