When you hand in a rough draft of your final term paper, and you get good feedback- you are no doubt shocked when your grade is much lower than anticipated right?
So you go to your professor and she explains what you did wrong, where you missed the mark. And while you are frustrated, you move on because hey, it’s Thursday night and so why not get drunk now and just remember what to fix for next time?
When you finish a crossword or sudoku puzzle, you head for most important part: the answer key. Because how annoying would it be to spend two hours on a mind game and not get any sort of validation that you did it right? (A blatant waste of time, in my opinion)
And of course, when Britney Spears makes the Worst Dressed list week after week, she doesn’t have to sit and ponder as to why she’s on there. If her poor taste in fashion isn’t obvious enough (last time I checked, fedoras and printed pajama bottoms wasn’t what they meant by “mix and match”) at least there is some comedian explaining what makes her outfit so comically tragic.
In all of these cases, there is an answer to what went askew, a reasoning behind the actions.
So why is it that when you go on a date that you think went well and then hear not-a-thing… there is nothing you can do about it?
There is no written report as to where you went wrong. There is no answer key. There is no comedian making a snide comment as to how lame that joke was you made and that (you poor girl) is why he is not calling.
I am new to this dating game. In fact, I think I voiced my qualms about it a few times right here on this very site.
I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m not on a desperate quest for love, and while I may be forthcoming here, I am actually pretty shy. I’m sure I’ve had my fair share of awkward moves or sent a few (and by few I mean quite a lot) mixed signals. And I get that you’re not going to click with everyone and they aren’t always going to click with you… so why do I feel so unsettled with the lack of feedback?
It’s like when you try out for the high school musical and someone else gets cast as the lead. Although at least there, you know it’s because that other person was just better at singing “Oklahoma!” than you. (And if that’s not enough, you can always go to your music teacher at have her tell you to your face, lip-synching is more your thing)
How come in the dating world, you are forced to accept no answer as your only answer. No “hey, I had fun, but I’m just not feelin it” even, “I would have rather shove a freshly sharpened pencil in my eye than go out with you again” would be better than nothing back at all.
I’ve been on dates that have gone bad. Trust me. Dates where I didn’t expect the guy to call and dates where I prayed to every lord there is that he would never call me again. But I haven’t been on a date (until recently) where it went seemingly well both in the few weeks leading up to and during the date (minus a few mixed sigs on my part…) and then…nothing.
I can handle a bruised ego- is it wrong to want to know at what point he was thinking “check please?”
But there is nothing I can do about it. Except (not by choice) turn into “that girl”…the girl that everyone dreads of becoming (and I prided myself on never-ever being)…you know the one. She sits and tries to keep busy but can’t help staring at her email or phone and wondering what the hell went wrong.
I don’t need a report with nice cursive handwriting and a scratch and sniff sticker like my second grade teacher used to give me saying “A for effort but lets work on your penmanship!”… But some sort of feedback?
If B. Spears gets it, I think I should too.