“Riverbottom Nightmare Band” is the Greatest Christmas Song of All Time

It’s indisputable: “Riverbottom Nightmare Band” is not only the greatest Christmas song of all time, but the greatest song of all time, period.

By CC Staff

I’m not even joking: check the heavy as f*** main riff, 70’s glam-rock moves and of course, the most bad-a** lyrics and melodies ever penned by puppets. This makes stoner-rock groups like Black Sabbath and Deep Purple sound like Smash Mouth by comparison.

So what if the lyrics don’t deal directly with Christmas. Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas, the movie the song is featured in, is a holiday movie; it’s festive by default. And it totally destroys Emmet’s entry into the talent show, the lame-o “In Our World/Brothers.”

Check out the mind-blowing lyrics after the jump!

River Bottom Nightmare Band

We take what we want

We do anything that we wish

We got no respect

For animal birdy or fish

The grass does not grow

On the places where we stop and stand

River Bottom Nightmare Band

We know we’re a mess

But I does not like to be clean

We don’t brush our teeth

‘Cause our toothache can help us stay mean

We don’t wish to learn

But we hate what we don’t understand

River Bottom

When you see us comin’

You better startin’ runnin’

We’re always startin’ trouble

And we’re happiest when things are outta hand

Rivers are for boilin’

Parties are for spoilin’

We either like to sit and pout

Or else go out and terrorize our land

River Bottom Nightmare Band

We laugh in your face

Or we practice our growl and our sneer

We break up your place

We are dangerous when we are near

And when we are done with our song

Who will get the biggest hand?

Who?

River Bottom Nightmare Band!

River Bottom Nightmare Band!