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The Single Life: Does Anyone Truly Want It?
January 8, 2008 Posted in Relationships, Sex
The other night, while eating dinner with a friend at one of the 4874 Thai restaurants in my neighborhood, we got into a discussion about being single.
“I’ve decided that deep down, no girl really wants to be alone,” my friend announced as she cut into her spring rolls. “Even if she says she doesn’t want a boyfriend, if the right guy stepped into her life, she’d take him.”
“What about So-And-So?” I asked, naming another mutual friend. “She kept saying how happy she was without a guy, and how she was too busy anyway. She seemed fine.”
“Didn’t you hear? Last month she landed a dude.” My friend handed me half of her spring roll, using the other half to point in my direction. “She bumped into this guy at a party and two weeks later she was updating her Facebook status to read So-And-So is totally in love.”
“Ew. Really?” Inwardly, I was jealous. When was the last time I had updated my Facebook status to say I was totally in love? Never, I realized, since the last time I was in love, Facebook hadn’t even been invented.
“Really.” My friend declared. “Us women all need to face the fact that being single just isn’t our natural stasis.”
Since that conversation over hot and sour soup, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my friend said compared to what society is so adamant in making me believe. Everywhere I turn someone is determined to convince me that being single is perfectly fine. A good decision even. Something to be cherished and respected. Single girls rule!
But then I go back and think about how personally, if the right guy walked into my life tomorrow, I’d have no problem putting my single days behind me forever. I’d always thought my inclination towards long-term relationships was just inherently me, but what if there are other girls out there who also really dislike a table for one?
Are we all just hiding our desire to be coupled because we think it makes us weak and dependant? Are we afraid we’ll be deemed an unsatisfactory Feminist? Has the You Go Single Girl! media blitzkrieg worked so well that we’ve convinced our selves of something that isn’t actually true?
Or are there really girls who, when faced with Mr. Right, would tell him to come back in a year?
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molly says:
Tue, 8th Jan 20084:24 pm
Something about the flow of this article was soooo sex and the city. I love it1 And I agree.
Angela says:
Tue, 8th Jan 20086:58 pm
I feel the same way. But most of the time I liked being single or the past 2 years, but of course I would have those lonely periods where all your friends seem to pair-off. But what I've realized is that there's nothing wrong with being single for a while and trying to figure yourself out, and if the right guy comes along, why not? Don't pass up an opportunity for a great relationship just because you're embraced singlehood.
nude0007 says:
Sun, 10th Feb 20086:46 am
everyone wants to be with someone. it is great to be loved. the problem is that society has eroneously taught us (at least in the last 100 years) that marriage is monogamous. the truth is that humans are geared to want many sexual partners, but it doesn't have to destroy a marriage. (or "serous" relationship)
single or taken, enjoy life!
Kate says:
Thu, 6th Mar 20081:23 pm
Being single is a good time to figure things out about yourself. I think most of us can all agree that bumping around from relationship to relationship, a woman can really lose her identity because she's always attached to someone else. Yea, if the right guy comes along you're gonna go for it, but the right guy isn't going to come along time after time after time.
Harmonic says:
Sat, 28th Jun 200810:10 pm
response to nude0007:
Society has erroneously taught us (at least in the last 100 years) that marriage is monogamous? I don't think so. The idea of one man and one woman committing to each other for life goes back thousands of years. We are designed for trust and loyalty. The problem is when we date or marry someone because We want them to fulfill OUR needs, and if one person doesn't do that we find another and another until WE feel like OUR needs are met. This is a very selfish way to relate to others. Marriage is about putting the other person ahead of your needs and serving them. If both people serve the other then their needs are met in a healthy way. Marriage is supposed to help us grow and learn to focus on others and less on ourselves. Just my humble belief.
Taryn says:
Tue, 14th Apr 20095:38 pm
I met mr. right in my second year and at that time, even knowing we were perfect for each other, we didn't end up together because i wasn't done being single. university offers a myriad of opportunities and experiences that you don't get if you're paired off. now in my last year, i'm not leaving with any regrets as to what ive done and who i've been with but now that i'm done being single… mr. right has found somebody else and it makes me wonder if it was worth it?
nude0007 says:
Tue, 1st Jun 201011:46 am
Monogamy does indeed go back about a thousand years or two, but so does the idea of open relationships. In old testament days, Men would typically offer their wives to visitors for the night. It was a common custom. Many societies have not frowned on "affairs" until the last hundred years, and some still do not.
Marriage is about an EQUAL commitment to equal sharing of responsibility in a relationship. What if the man you love "needs" more than one woman? Also, the need for trust and loyalty is not detracted from by multiple sex partners. Marriage was instituted to assure that one's sons and daughters inherited your properties when you die. No belief required here, these are facts.