The Truth Behind Blue Balls

blue-balls-1.jpgAfter talking to a boy for a few days – and by talking I mean winning over with my amazing sense of humor and cleavage baring shirts– I finally got invited over to his place to watch a movie. Clearly, I wanted some snuggle action on the couch so I threw on some sweats (the cute/tight ones, obvi), grabbed a bottle of wine and headed over there.

The night was great. We watched the movie, drank some wine and did some serious snuggling. Never one to make the first move, I flirted mercilessly but waited for said boy to lay one on me.

And boy did he.

By the time it happened, however, I was so ready to go (because he was looking goooood in his sweats) that things moved pretty quickly. One minute we are sitting up and watching TV; the next we are rolling around the floor. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself and got really lost in the heat. The moment.

Until we knocked a candle off the table and were forced (by fear of burning) to take a break.

The moment to breathe allowed me to think about what I was doing with my head instead of my….well, you know.

I immediately realized that things were progressing too fast and I had to leave before a walk of shame was to be had. Not that I minded the walk of shame – after all, I had done them before – but because I actually liked this kid and wanted something to come of it.

I told the boy that I had to go. He was sweet and understanding, but he also seemed a little…heated up? Ready to go? Um…aroused? I didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, I was leaving specifically to avoid having to take care of that situation (if you know what I mean). But at the same time, I didn’t want to leave this poor boy in pain.

I was really torn inside. I know it sounds lame, but the last thing you want to do to a boy you like is give him blue balls. He was sweet and never pressured me to stay, but I am Jewish and feeling guilty about things is just part of who I am.

As soon as I got home I did a little research on the validity of blue balls. Yes, I know I am crazy. Anyways, here is a little information that all girls should know (so you don’t feel/get pressured to do things you don’t want to do just because Mr. Happy Pants is asking you to):

Blue Balls are real. But, they also tend to be exaggerated. When men are aroused, a lot of blood flows to the penis. This is most often remedied by an orgasm. However, if an orgasm is not reached, there will be discomfort – usually for a very short period of time. Yes, reaching orgasm will make this situation go away faster, but is not always necessary.

So I shouldn’t feel so guilty after all.

In fact, he already called to ask me out again.

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When my mom moved me into my dorm freshman year she left me $65 to buy a humidifier. I took that money and bought a pair of heels because I can sleep without damp air blowing in my face, but I can't rock a humidifier with a hot black mini.