You Must Be Fat. Here, Eat These

January 16, 2008     Posted in Body

snacks


By CC Staff

Hmm. What can I complain about today?

I KNOW! Snacks!

100-Calorie snacks are ridiculous, and while it seems like complaining about 100-Calorie snacks is stupid, and yeah, it probably is, it’s not just about the portions-for-p*ssies-packaging that gets me – it’s what these things represent.

Nabisco has all sorts of them – chips, cookies, crackers, whatever. I went to the store one day and saw a box of 100-Calorie Cheez-Its. “Cheez-Its!” I exclaimed in the aisle. “Cheez-Its are a delicious treat, and they’re only 100 calories, right here in these little bags that have been portioned for me? Yes! I shall purchase these Cheez-Its at once, and they will be enough to satisfy my hungry stomach.”

I bought them and it was very disappointing.

There were, like, 7 and a half Cheez-Its in the teeny-tiny bag, and no, I was not satisfied. Not only that, but that feeling of disappointment when those 7 and a half Cheez-Its were in my still-hungry stomach, only made me feel worse than when I originally bought the Cheez-Its because I felt bad about myself in the first place! It made me think to myself, “Wow. This bag didn’t do a very good job in satisfying me. I must be a whale. Must. Have. More.”

Jezebel features an article about this very thing, and also brings up the good point that these boxes of freakishly small bags cost more than a regular box that isn’t portioned off at all. If some one doesn’t have enough self-control to stop eating a regular box of Cheez-Its, who’s to say they’re not just going to keep opening the freakishly small bags, one after another? AND, if we all know that one of these stupid bags only has, like, 7 and a half Cheez-Its in it, why can’t we just buy a cheaper, bigger box of them, remove 7 and a half Cheez-Its, put them in a little zip lock bag and make our own 100-calorie proportions?

Because these companies want you to think you’re retarded and incapable of handling such a feat.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, low-fat brands are one thing, and yeah, lots of people in this country could definitely afford to eat them, but when companies are doling out weak portions for “those who cannot control their diets,” well….screw that.

I’d rather eat an entire bag of Oreos and keep my 3,000 calories of pride.

Plus, seven and a half f*cking Cheez-Its does absolutely nothing for a pothead.

3 Comments on "You Must Be Fat. Here, Eat These"

  1. Jes says:
    Thu, 17th Jan 20085:07 am 

    well… maybe your ass should switch to doing coke rather than smoking weed so you won't end up a fat ass. how many potheads do you see with nice bodies? exactly.

    hey, i'm just trying to help!

  2. Janers says:
    Fri, 18th Jan 200812:16 am 

    I've seen a couple of potheads with nice bodies actually, but…. they were also cokeheads or heroin addicts =/

    never the less,

    if you are trying to lose weight, don't smoke weed, duh! Having the Munchies isn't going to make your ghetto-booty or thunder thighs go away.

    100 calorie snacks, in my little humble oppinion,… are a GREAT idea!

    A heck of a lot of people don't know what a serving size really is

    people eat several serving meals all the time

    with the bags, even though the are big out proof with a lock out feature or something,

    at least you know how much you SHOULD be eating, without having to break out the calculator to figure out the grams/ounces/liters listed in the nutritional facts on the regular boxes or count out your crackers or cookies if you are lucky enough to have a box that gives you the number you should eat

    PLUS

    this way you can eat right and then have some junk food too, cause who can stay on a sprout and tofu diet?

    don't just rely on the 1 pack to fill you up

    eat some soup or salad and a veggie burger

    and then have a 100 calorie oreo pack

    also drink more water and green tea

    most people who are "hungry" are actually dehydrated and don't know!

    but be sure to eat a balanced (plant based) diet and take your multi vitamin and exercise!

  3. Janers says:
    Sat, 19th Jan 200810:40 pm 

    late-night Typo!

    "with the bags, even though the are big out proof with a lock out feature or something"

    translates to:

    "with the bags, even though they aren't pig-out proof, with a lock out feature or something"

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