Britney Spears is Fertile

While most of America sat home Monday night watching American Idol (and the remaining few caught a glimpse of the Democratic debate) there was one person who did neither. Britney Spears was back out on the town last night. She wasn’t doing what everyone would expect, though. Ms. Spears was not club-hopping or loading up on her Starbucks.

No. Britney Spears made her way to Wal-Greens to purchase a pregnancy test.

And why wouldn’t she?

The woman just had her two sons taken away; what better way to cope with that than to make some new ones? Britney is finally in a stable and committed relationship (with the paparazzi who is shopping her photos around to various publications), so it is only natural that they take the next step and begin settling down.

Lord help us all. The last thing this world needs is another Spawn of Spears. Someone really needs to take away this woman’s ability to procreate. There is no way a former pop superstar who now wears her wedding dress out to the mall is in the right state of mind to have more children. Just think of that unborn child; it will need years of therapy just from having this as it’s mother.

Let us all join hands and pray that these photographs are a hoax. That Britney was indeed downing the Venti Fraps last night and was nowhere near a birth control test. That the world can sleep soundly tonight knowing that there is no bun in Britney’s oven.

And let us say: Amen.