Dating a Roommate: Yes or No?

January 24, 2008 - 4:30 pm By ccandysarah

After our recent post about choosing to live in the same dorm as your significant other, I thought I’d bring up a similar topic I’m struggling with: should you start a relationship with a roommate?

My current financial situation means I had to make a few compromises when looking for a new apartment. First off, I had to move to a shady neighborhood. And not just a put-away-your-ipod kind of neighborhood, but a maybe-you-should-carry-pepper-spray-and-also-possibly-a-knife kind of place. Secondly, I moved in with three boys.

Yes, I know, I’m living in a glorified frat house: Scarface posters on the wall, 2 years worth of grime in the tub (so much for a relaxing post-work soak) and a fridge full of beer and moldy food. When I arrived to take a look around and put down my deposit, however, I soon realized that these were the least of my problems; one of my roommates is cute.

I figured the likelihood of us hitting it off was slim to none, so I tried not to worry about it too much. As I settled into my new pad, however, it became apparent that sparks were flying. We shared similar interests, exchanged little flirty comments back and forth, and started making plans. We even built a fort in the living room, draping the couches and chairs with blankets and writing “FORT” on a cardboard box outside our creation, just in case anyone was confused.

Last week, we tried to see a movie but it was sold out, so we wandered around the neighborhood, romantically lit by streetlights. I was freezing cold, so he put his arm around me to keep me warm. Then…we kissed.

And I panicked. I like this guy! He likes me! WE SHARE A BATHROOM.

I told him right away I thought it was a bad idea to date a roommate, but since we really dig each other, we should consider keeping an open mind and seeing what happens. I’m just worried that we don’t know each other well enough to fast forward directly to the living-together phase.

What do you think? Is dating a roommate the ultimate in convenience or a recipe for disaster?

Anna says:
Thu, 24th Jan 20084:48 pm

Don’t shit where you eat! Move out and date him, or stay and date other people. Bad bad bad bad bad idea.

emily says:
Thu, 24th Jan 20086:45 pm

TERRIBLE IDEA. i am speaking from experience, it seems like you guys connect and you can handle it but when prblems start to arise you will wish you never started anything.

Cathy says:
Fri, 25th Jan 20087:53 am

Just keep in mind if something goes wrong…you…not he will have to move out…

I wouldnt do it

Heather says:
Fri, 25th Jan 20085:22 pm

It could be ridiculously problematic, but if you guys are that into each other and DON’T do anything, living together will be awkward anyway. Especially since you’ve kissed and acknowledged your interest in each other. I think it may be a little too late to turn back.

T says:
Fri, 8th Aug 20083:28 am

My philosophy is: why the fuck not?

But I don’t think it will work in this case.

elly says:
Mon, 25th May 20098:09 pm

I’ve fallen for my roommate. We kissed a couple of times and then had a long conversation which ended in us concluding that it is too risky. We were both in tears. However, after a week or so apart it became apparent that saying you’re not going to see eachother does not banish all feelings. The jealousy we both experienced was pretty crippling, as the other tried to move on. We have now decided that we are too young to throw something away that might be wonderful. It’s cheesy as hell, but sometimes you just gotta follow your heart. I don’t really see how you can walk away from this. If it doesn’t work out, just try and be good people and make things simple for eachother and any other people you are living with. And right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.

someone says:
Wed, 1st Jul 20094:45 pm

I do not understand what is wrong; don’t you eventually become roommates when you get married? There are also millions of unmarried couples who live together.