Dating a Roommate: Yes or No?

January 24, 2008 Posted in Reality

After our recent post about choosing to live in the same dorm as your significant other, I thought I’d bring up a similar topic I’m struggling with: should you start a relationship with a roommate?

My current financial situation means I had to make a few compromises when looking for a new apartment. First off, I had to move to a shady neighborhood. And not just a put-away-your-ipod kind of neighborhood, but a maybe-you-should-carry-pepper-spray-and-also-possibly-a-knife kind of place. Secondly, I moved in with three boys.

Yes, I know, I’m living in a glorified frat house: Scarface posters on the wall, 2 years worth of grime in the tub (so much for a relaxing post-work soak) and a fridge full of beer and moldy food. When I arrived to take a look around and put down my deposit, however, I soon realized that these were the least of my problems; one of my roommates is cute.

I figured the likelihood of us hitting it off was slim to none, so I tried not to worry about it too much. As I settled into my new pad, however, it became apparent that sparks were flying. We shared similar interests, exchanged little flirty comments back and forth, and started making plans. We even built a fort in the living room, draping the couches and chairs with blankets and writing “FORT” on a cardboard box outside our creation, just in case anyone was confused.

Last week, we tried to see a movie but it was sold out, so we wandered around the neighborhood, romantically lit by streetlights. I was freezing cold, so he put his arm around me to keep me warm. Then…we kissed.

And I panicked. I like this guy! He likes me! WE SHARE A BATHROOM.

I told him right away I thought it was a bad idea to date a roommate, but since we really dig each other, we should consider keeping an open mind and seeing what happens. I’m just worried that we don’t know each other well enough to fast forward directly to the living-together phase.

What do you think? Is dating a roommate the ultimate in convenience or a recipe for disaster?

671511 CommentsDating+a+Roommate%3A+Yes+or+No%3F2008-01-24+21%3A30%3A49ccandysarah on "Dating a Roommate: Yes or No?"

emily says:
Thu, 24th Jan 20081:45 pm

TERRIBLE IDEA. i am speaking from experience, it seems like you guys connect and you can handle it but when prblems start to arise you will wish you never started anything.

Anna says:
Thu, 24th Jan 20084:48 pm

Don’t shit where you eat! Move out and date him, or stay and date other people. Bad bad bad bad bad idea.

Cathy says:
Fri, 25th Jan 20082:53 am

Just keep in mind if something goes wrong…you…not he will have to move out…

I wouldnt do it

Heather says:
Fri, 25th Jan 200812:22 pm

It could be ridiculously problematic, but if you guys are that into each other and DON'T do anything, living together will be awkward anyway. Especially since you've kissed and acknowledged your interest in each other. I think it may be a little too late to turn back.

T says:
Thu, 7th Aug 200810:28 pm

My philosophy is: why the fuck not?

But I don't think it will work in this case.

elly says:
Mon, 25th May 20093:09 pm

I've fallen for my roommate. We kissed a couple of times and then had a long conversation which ended in us concluding that it is too risky. We were both in tears. However, after a week or so apart it became apparent that saying you're not going to see eachother does not banish all feelings. The jealousy we both experienced was pretty crippling, as the other tried to move on. We have now decided that we are too young to throw something away that might be wonderful. It's cheesy as hell, but sometimes you just gotta follow your heart. I don't really see how you can walk away from this. If it doesn't work out, just try and be good people and make things simple for eachother and any other people you are living with. And right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.

someone says:
Wed, 1st Jul 200911:45 am

I do not understand what is wrong; don't you eventually become roommates when you get married? There are also millions of unmarried couples who live together.

Samesituation says:
Sun, 29th Nov 20098:11 pm

I'm in the same situation! I've lived with my roommate for three months now. We actually met on craigslist. There was sexual tension from the beginning. He isn't a relationship guy and gets around a lot. So things were rocky in the beginning. Eventually, we started to have a very ambiguous non-relationship, kinda dating situation. I'm actually thinking about moving out because I can't handle living with him and dating him. I really don't think that I could live there and just not date him at this point. Even though I'm considering moving out (which I'm not sure I'll actually end up doing), I would have gone nuts if I was living with this guy and never did anything at all. It's a tough call. Good luck!

Beth says:
Wed, 25th May 20115:15 pm

I moved into a house with 4 other girls and a guy. There were 6 of us in the house. My guy roommate and I hit it off immediately. He thought it was risky to date a roommate, but I didn't want to ignore something that could be great. I am glad that he listened to me, because we have been dating for 2 years, and we are going to get married! As long as both of you realize and agree to keep the relationship adult, you should be fine. You know what you are getting into, and you know if you like him or not. With me…I just knew that he could be "the one" and he is.

Jeff says:
Mon, 2nd Jan 20126:16 am

Hate to be insensitive here but you're dating him, just sleeping with him, which is how a lot of these 'dating your roommate' situations play out. Don't confuse hooking up and wanting more as a relationship.

Jeff says:
Mon, 2nd Jan 20126:17 am

"but you're dating him" – I mean "but you're NOT dating him"

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