College Candy

Tyra Banks. Why does her name induce toe curling for me? It’s not just her giant forehead that gives me nightmares. Much more than her monster-like physique, her diva personality is the thing that really spooks me out (and makes me want to punch her).

Whenever America’s Next Top Model comes on the TV, my roomies and I know we’re doomed for the next few hours, but I can’t help it…(and my roomies agree)…her overbearing, dogmatic, hotter-than-thou attitude is relentless and so ruthless that it’s not at all admirable…instead, it’s just f*cking funny.

Where does this woman get off? Blah blah, she worked hard her whole life, blah blah, she knows what it “TAKES”, blah blah. Who out there hasn‘t worked hard their whole lives? What girl hasn‘t dealt with the trials and tribulations of making it in a man’s world? The way she talks, you’d think she’s the only one who’s ever had a life that wasn’t easy.

Tyra’s unwarranted words of “wisdom” that decorate her shows (and interviews) are dumbing down an entire generation; one wanna-be model at a time. And really, the only person I can think of who could knock some goddamn sense into Miss Arrogance is Miss More Arrogant: BEYONCE.

I hereby declare that a showdown between Tyra and Beyonce would not only be better than a Lohan/Winehouse battle, but prove to be essential. Beyonce is just as bad as Tyra except she sings. So not only does she not shut up about herself, but she sings about it all, too.

And when she’s done singing on the radio and in her music videos, well, then we have to see her in commercials. She and her thighs have trampled every corner of the selling-out map and I’ve simply just had it.

Only good could come of a bitch fight between these two. Either they knock the shit out of each other and end up too debilitated to ever turn their “annoy” switches back on again OR morph into a one giant ball of ego that would immediately combust under all of the pressure.

Oh yeah. It’s on.