Two Steps Towards Love…And Three Steps Back

February 5, 2008 2:44 pm     Posted in Reality  Lauren - University of Michigan g+ page

031506monica309.jpgI have said before that I have no problem with my single status, but that doesn’t mean that I am ready to spend the rest of my life that way. I love the companionship and comfort that comes with a relationship, the warm fuzzy feelings, the knowledge that someone out there finds you completely perfect.


By Lauren

Recently, as I lay on my couch watching yet another What Not To Wear rerun, I realized that I am finally ready for something more than weeknights alone in my apartment and weekends spent catching up on my sleep. I don’t know if I necessarily want to find the man I am going to marry, but I have had enough time to figure out who I am as a single woman (boring) and want to get out and meet some new people.

So, I began hitting the dating scene (internet and all). I approached people, emailed people and began talking with some really great guys. I was all over it. And then, as things began to move forward and the guys showed interest back, I started to freak out.

I backed off.

Stopped responding.

Returned to my couch.

In theory, I want a relationship. I want to be with someone and care for someone. But for some reason when the opportunity presents itself I can never quite make it happen. Maybe it’s fear of the first date (“I freaking hate dates; I’d rather just get wasted and make out.

Much less pressure” -A Friend). Maybe it’is the fear of getting attached and getting hurt down the road. Or maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something?

Like, “You are not ready for this yet, Lauren!”

It’s so frustrating! Why can’t I just be normal and navigate the dating world like everyone else? Why do I have to turn away when something good is finally coming my way? Finding someone I like should be the hard part; not actually developing something with them.

Single life has its perks, but it is time for something more. Now, if only I could get the rest of me on board.

But how?

6 Comments on "Two Steps Towards Love…And Three Steps Back"

  1. cali says:
    Tue, 5th Feb 200810:45 am 

    i do the same thing. any advice?

  2. Rose says:
    Tue, 5th Feb 20082:30 pm 

    Omgsh! I am the EXACT same way!!! like..i feel llike i was reading about myself!! i just tell myself that it's my subconcious telling me they're not the right guy for me! or maybe i'm just insane, who knows! but thanks fro this blog! :)

  3. Amber says:
    Tue, 5th Feb 20085:04 pm 

    You just described my life to a tee.

    I always wonder why I do this…maybe when I find the perfect guy, this won't happen….

  4. Nina says:
    Wed, 6th Feb 20089:49 am 

    I'm exactly the same…

  5. Ali says:
    Sun, 30th Mar 20083:18 pm 

    I completely agree with everything that was said. I used to be the same exact way. Until one day the wasted make-out from the night called me back. Despite my incedible sober shyness and my resistance to the idea of a relationship I just went with it. Really getting over that first hump is the hardest part. You just kind of have to close your eyes and go for it. Also make sure that you express your inhibitions with who ever you are dating. Remember it's not the jump that hurts… and landing isn't so bad either as long as someone is there to catch you.

  6. Jenny-WMU says:
    Mon, 29th Sep 20087:39 am 

    Ali, you're right, taking the jump is the hard part. I realize my approach to dating someone you already know and like parallels to when I do public speaking:

    -write script for presentation, include attractive visuals.

    -feel nervous and bitchy about agreeing to do presentation, strongly feel like calling the whole thing off.

    -feel awkward, but do presentation, get good response and some laughs. Feel relieved.

    -questions?

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