The Vulnerable Side to a Workaholic

February 7, 2008 Posted in Body, Internships, Reality

Yes, I’m a workaholic.

“Do you ever just chill out?” A friend recently asked me, as I checked my email on my phone during a lunch date. “I mean, we’re at a diner.”

“I need to make sure the email I sent in to my professor made it. And if my internship got back to me about possibly skipping Monday…” I could have kept talking about what I needed to do, but the waiter was setting down a delicious plate of hummus and stuffed grape leaves. I cannot deny a good stuffed grape leaf.

My diner friend isn’t the first person to point out how much I work, how busy I keep my schedule. Moving forward in my career has always been a giant part of my life.

But these days, it’s an even bigger part. Why? Because the moment I calm down is the moment I realize work is just about the only thing I’ve got.

I push myself in grad school, on the job, in my internship, and with outside work because it keeps my mind busy. The more I have to do during the day (and at night), the less time I have to realize my relationship life, my financial stability, and my overall comfort with my place in…society, basically…is much less than stable.

Right before I drift off to sleep (and by “drift” I mean “lie in bed for about an hour before I finally go unconscious”) is when my mind comes after me. There’s no paper to write, no phone call to take, no email to open, and so my insecurities are free to take over.

Why the hell can’t you find a dude to make you happy?

How are you going to pay off all those student loans?

What happens when your parents are no longer there?

Are you going to live in rented apartments your whole life?

You suck at cooking, did you know that?

Probably, you could loose about 5 pounds.

Now, while I freely admit that I have the type of personality that thrives on being busy, I also freely admit that those midnight thoughts are a big reason I don’t spend a lot of time chilling out. Some nights, when I come home, dripping exhaustion and barely able to kick off my uncomfortable shoes and throw something together for dinner, I wonder if there’s anyone else out there who wishes people understood some of the vulnerable reasons why she’s so driven.

So…ladies…are you out there?

69589 CommentsThe+Vulnerable+Side+to+a+Workaholic2008-02-07+20%3A00%3A56Jess+-+NYU on "The Vulnerable Side to a Workaholic"

Erin says:
Thu, 7th Feb 20085:03 pm

oh, i’m out here alright.

…feel the same exact way.

Samantha says:
Thu, 7th Feb 200811:40 pm

A. Men.

K says:
Fri, 8th Feb 200810:20 am

yes, this is the story of my life

Izzi Estelle says:
Wed, 13th Feb 20089:24 pm

Don’t worry hun!

everyone has insecurites about their life.

Will my life ever mean anything/be of any importance?

Will i find the perfect man that i can spend a life time with?

Will i ever just be satisfied?

its good that you have these thoughts. it makes you human. im a workaholic too! im always so busy and when i just chill out i go a bit insane. I start to question everyhting. but i just think to myself that one day it will all pan out alright. i think this is just part of growing up!

Les says:
Sat, 16th Feb 20086:21 am

Is it weird for a man to read these? Guys work day and night for the same reason too!

So chill out – you are not alone.

Maria says:
Wed, 27th Feb 200812:01 am

I understand you way to well…I teach 4th grade (i know right…) so i pushed my self through school to hurry & get this teaching job just to change my mind & hurry to get back into school for another five years. Did I mention that I have full intentions of working full time while I get my Dr.??? If I am not emailing a parent, going over multiplication flash cards, telling a kid to wash their hands,or making things out of costruction paper…I am busy staying as up to date with the new teaching theories as I can. I am always trying to be everything to everyone…& still pay the rent on time..ya know?

Mike says:
Sun, 2nd Mar 20085:51 am

I go through the same thing, really. I try and keep myself busy. I’m part of about 4 different clubs, administer 3 different websites (not including my own), have a part time job and am a full time college undergrad. If I talked to no one, after I got back from dinner (because that’s where I go after work), then I’d be up till ten doing nothing but homework… And since I have to get up at 6:30 every day (so I can shower, dress and have a decent breakfast), I gotta get to bed by like 9 anyhow (I like my sleep).

I am hitting a bad spot currently though, which explains the time of posting (It’s currently 4 a.m. I’m trying to force my body back into the swing of things by pulling an all nighter and staying up all day tomorrow on junk food and sugar. Then, going to bed properly and waking up properly.)

But yeah, like people have said before me, you ain’t alone.

Vincent says:
Tue, 9th Jun 20092:21 am

You pretty much summarized how I feel why I work so much and this is also coming from a guy's perspective. Even though I enjoy what I do, I really wish I can just be like how some of my friends are. How they can just turn these things off when they go home.

claire says:
Thu, 24th Feb 20111:08 pm

what can we do about it?

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