Comments on: Are You Over Your Ex? The Answer Ain’t So Simple.

By: Nicki

Nicki — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 11:14:39 +0000

This was such an amazing post to read. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a little over two years and I love him very much. He’s probably the only guy I was friends with before we started dating and he’s a best friend to me. While I know he’s the kind of guy who I want to have a family with, there are times when I think about my first love. We were completely different, at totally different places in our lives but it was wonderful. Having been in a serious relationship, I now know that there were some things missing from my relationship with my first love, but sometimes I miss that feeling I had when I was with him. I was giddy and so happy. I’m happy now, but life is filled with more complications in general (I’m now 22 and “out in the real world” as opposed to 17 and about to start college). It was really comforting to know that other people think about their first loves. It’s hard to let go completely. I got over him a while ago, but there are still moments when I have weaknesses and sort of wish I could be in that stage of my life again. With the knowledge I have now, what would I have done differently? Would it have mattered? Probably not.

By: Mojarrad

Mojarrad — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:13:49 +0000

Hi. I don’t really know what I did so wrng to deserve this!!! One day she woke up saying: “I’m not that person anymore… I was kid then and what I decided to do, my decsion was based on not having enough experibce and being naive… You’re the best, but I want to experience new things and not to look at this aspect of my life at least for some years, or maybe forever…maybe some years later, you again will be my choice, maybe not…don’t pin your hopes, though! You did nothing wrong, this is me who isn’t the same person anymore… want to be with my friends, teachers… want to grow up and blah blah blah…. It really sucks! Can she ever forget the things we did together? Those glorious moments of … Whatever, I guess she can… She said she was moving on… told me to move on, too. Gave me some stupid advice and … I do know one thing though, B****es they come, they go! Not a jealous man, but FEMALES LIE! But I guess that’s just what S**ts do…

By: Ben

Ben — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:51:05 +0000

I’m going to go out on a limb here and possibly incite an argument: Is it me, or is there just no such thing as “commitment” anymore? Again, I agree with “most” of the posters on this board. However, I take offense to the “I choose pride” statements. These people remind me of those ignorant people on myspace or facebook who post that over-used and equally ignorant quote, “Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter.”

First off, if you choose pride and, therefore, yourself over others, you really are selfish. Ant how about commitment? We, well most Americans, cite 1st Corinthians in better than 75% of all marriages in the U.S. “Love is patient, love is kind, it remembers no wrongs, is not self-serving, etc.” We also agree to love in good times AND in bad. So… where does pride play into this equation of love and commitment? I think that this is where our problems surface. This unfortunate generation of self-seeking, self-serving, me-first people tend to put his or her own needs ahead of others. As a reality check try replacing your name with the word “love” to see IF you really mean what you say (before you say it, hopefully!): Is “Ben” patient? Is “Ben” kind? You get the idea…

Lastly, to “those that matter, don’t mind” type of people. Go apologize to your parents right now, because I’m sure your parents, close friends, and family members would “mind” if they knew how you truly felt and/or behaved.

By: Mary

Mary — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 05:08:19 +0000

Also take into consideration that pride is a big part in break ups. Its useless and yet somehow, so costly. In my opinion, that’s what really keeps people apart. Pride is what keeps you from picking up his phone calls or calling him. And pride is what makes you bite your tongue even when you want to scream. It always seems so impossible – that people can love each other more than anything and then never talk again? I guess that’s where you decide what’s more important, your ex or your pride? I chose the latter.

By: jackie

jackie — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:26:17 +0000

I dated my first boy friend for 2.5 years. we broke up a year ago. and i haven’t seen him since. He is my first love, and there hasnt been a day gone by without me giving him some thoughts. it’s always one of the good moments that came back. I missed hugging him and holding him.

we didn’t work out for many reasons. when there is no what-ifs in life. What you learned can only be carried on to the next phase of the life.

It’s simply unrealistic to wipe out years of life that you shared with someone you loved deeply even when it didn’t work out in the end. Trying to supress those feelings is not only an act of denial but also unhealthy. People in the past helped shaping who we are today. So accept it. Let the feeling/moping run it’s course. When it’s over, it’s over. Meanwhile, live and learn.

By: Ben

Ben — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:58:52 +0000

I agree with Michael, “You break up with an ex for a reason… But, “Is it possible to just ‘move on’?” Yes and No. While I agree with bits and pieces of each post, sometimes ties should be cut. Period. Yes ladies: That means you can’t “just be friends?” In certain situations, it IS appropriate to part ways. Make no mistake: Lines will be drawn. Friends will chose sides, and friends/acquaintances will be lost. Is it easy? Never! Is it worth it? Well… I, for one, don’t have to deal with the emotional turmoil* that an ex leaves behind, unlike some of the posters above. So, don’t torture yourself. None of us deserve that!

*Please take into consideration that emotions almost NEVER lead to good decision making, so give yourself some time to think before doing or saying anything you might regret to a current or former love.

By: Carly

Carly — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 01:18:40 +0000

Advice for Rose…. I had a problem similar to yours a while ago. It was really, really bothering me, because I love my boyfriend so much and I felt so wrong to be thinking about the ex. You can’t control what you dream, of course, but you can control how you react to it. If you dream about your ex, don’t give the dream any thought (easier said than done, I know, but it will really help). Just try to forget about it as soon as possible, and don’t dwell on it and the “what if?” scenarios. If you find yourself thinking about your ex, DISTRACT YOURSELF immediately. It took a few weeks for all this to kick in for me, but it made life SO much better when it finally did.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 23:10:57 +0000

Truth is there is not ONE day I go without thinking about my first love. No I wouldn’t date him again, but It is true that you NEVER truly get over your first true love. I still think about him and always wonder if he is doing good. It took me a long time to get over it but I was able to accept it. It’s just life… sometimes you will always have remnants of those feelings even if you know you could never date that person again.

By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:20:24 +0000

I thought about my first boyfriend occasionally when I was with my previous boyfriend (we actually broke up about a week ago). And I know that I will think about my most recent ex for the rest of my life. When it comes to people we care about so much, it’s hard to just forget them. I will always love my ex, always. And we’re still going to be friends because we had such a great relationship. I know my mom still talks to her first real love and she told me that he still makes her smile and warms her heart. Something like that she never be forgotten. It should be cherished.

By: willow

willow — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:53:27 +0000

I went out with this guy for about 1 and a half years and if i’m honest it was probably the most extreme emotion that i’ve ever felt about someone, its about 2 and a half years down the line now and I’m happy with my current boyfriend who i’ve been seeing for a year, I wouldn’t go out with the first guy again, I’ve met up with him since and still feel a few tingles, but we’ve moved on as people, even so I’ll always love him in some way. Its stupid I think to deny that these people hold an important part in what and who we are today, we’re affected intensely by everyone we meet and some more than others, its only unnatural to believe that you can close the door to your past as if they never walked through your life.