Crazy-fun Valentine’s Day: Because Cupid Doesn’t Deserve the Extra Press.

By Olua

Ah, February 14th. The day Russia was liberated in 1943. The day Teller of Penn and Teller was born back in 1948. Two months after my birthday. Oh, right, and Valentine’s Day.

This whole concept of celebrating Valentine’s Day with my significant other is new to me, you see, so forgive me for not really remembering that it exists. In the past, I’ve always spent Valentine’s Day with the people I loved, not the people I was in love with. So I figure that this Valentine’s Day really won’t be all that different from all the rest, save I’ll spend a little more time with one person and a little less time with the whole gang.

Still, that whole sappy romance thing just doesn’t cut it for me. Don’t get me wrong; roses and chocolate are all well and good, but I need a little more variety than that. I need to have fun. Ridiculous, outrageous, hilarious, entertaining fun. So, for those who are spending their Valentine’s Day with their beau, their best buds, or both, I present a companion piece of sorts.

1. Drive-thru dining: Get some cardboard boxes. Big boxes. Try a furniture store, or you could even get a nice set of moving boxes. They need to be big enough for you to actually walk around in, though. You’ll see why. Get together one or several friends, sit down with some crayons and markers, and draw yourself a car.

Go all out; make yourself rims and flames and whatever you want to do. Attach some string to the sides so that it hangs from your shoulders, then walk – sorry, drive – down to your local drive-thru establishment, order your dinner, and roll out. You, your buddies, and the McDonalds staff will have a good laugh.

2. Spreadin’ the word: What better way to share your favorite love (or anti-love) song with people than to write them out where they can see? Buy yourself a big bucket of sidewalk chalk and head down to a fairly busy place – a bus station, a parking lot, a park – and write out lyrics and quotes wherever you want. It’s just chalk, so it washes out and you won’t get in trouble for graffiti. I wouldn’t advise anything with curses, of course, but everything else is free game.

3. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it: No, I’m not talking about what you think I’m talking about – though if you wanna do it like they do on the Discovery Channel, hey, I’m not stopping you. That’s just another list for another day. But if it’s nice enough outside, why don’t you pack up a nice lunch and go to the zoo?

Yeah, you heard me. The zoo. There are plenty of places to go and things to see. You learn a ton of stuff, you satiate your wild side, and let’s face it; animals do some pretty funny things. If it’s too icky outside, though, don’t forget that there’s always the aquarium. Find a local one here.

4. Darling, you look positively gaudy: Here’s one of my personal favorites. Grab your camera, first of all. Head down to any clothing store that has dressing rooms – the bigger, the better. Separate from everyone else and for about twenty minutes, pick out the tackiest ensemble you can possibly manage. Then head to the dressing room and put it ALL on – the earrings, the hat, the scarf, that vest-shirt-tanktop-atrocity, the 80′s pump shoes – and stroll out. Meet your buddy or buddies outside the dressing rooms, giggle for a bit, take pictures. Lather, rinse, and repeat until security catches on and throws you out.

5. Free hugs: Humbly inspired by the Free Hugs Campaign, why not cheer up people who may not be feeling their best on St. Valentine’s day? Write a big sign that says “FREE HUGS”, then head to someplace public – a mall, a train station, or a busy street if it’s nice enough – hold up the sign, and wait.

You can do this by yourself or in a massive group, stationing you and your buddies in various places. You’re sure to brighten someone’s potentially otherwise dreary day, and you feel damn good doing it, too.

That doesn’t have to be it, though. There are a ton of other things you can do, too, if you just use your imagination…and yes, I know that’s a cheesy thing to say. Really, though; Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about Cupid. To hell with Cupid, anyway. Just have fun; that’s really all that matters.