Marriage: Are You Freaking Out of Your Mind?

February 15, 2008     Posted in Reality

marriage_-_hands.jpgI, like many others in their low twenties, have a few friends who are married. That’s fine with me—they were obviously willing to take that step, so more power to them. It does, however, weird me out a little bit.


By Carly

I’ve never really felt like I have a biological clock ticking, or that I need to do something dramatic (read: get married) before I hit 30. I don’t think my hitched friends necessarily felt that way, either—I think the time and the person were just right for them. But still, as each year passes by and I have birthday after birthday, I think to myself, “People get married at this age. People get married at younger than this age. How is that POSSIBLE?”

I consider myself a pretty mature person. Sure, occasionally I will do something like pick up a hot steel pan without an oven mitt just because I think I can do it, and then I will predictably get burned. But my life isn’t generally like that. I pay all my bills on time, I can be trusted to get back to people, and I’m responsible. Why, then, do I feel like I’ll NEVER be ready to get married?

When somebody around my age tells me they’re getting married, my mouth says, “Oh, wow! Congratulations! That’s fantastic!” and my thoughts say, “Are you freaking out of your mind? You’re, like, 24 years old! How can you get married?”

In my mind, I think it reduces down to this: Marriage is something for grown-ups, and I don’t consider myself a grown-up yet. Yes, I live on my own. I am self-sufficient. I take out the trash once a week. But does that really make me a grown-up? I’m not sure.

I don’t feel even close to equipped to handle wedding invitations, flower arrangements, reception details…and let’s not even mention the money. My boyfriend and I are both far from rich, and so are our families. So how would we even presume to think we could pay for a wedding? It’s laughable. Weddings and marriage, clearly, are for people with big, steady incomes.

Maybe someday I’ll wake up and suddenly think, “That’s it. I’m ready.” But I’m not counting on it. The only thing that’s made me feel better about all this was talking to my old resident advisor, who got married a couple of years ago at the age of 28. I told her, “Laura, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to get married.”

And she said, “Believe me—I am married, and sometimes I still feel like I’m not ready.”

What about you? Could you get married now? Does the mere suggestion sound psychotic? Let us know!

7 Comments on "Marriage: Are You Freaking Out of Your Mind?"

  1. Casey says:
    Fri, 15th Feb 20084:13 pm 

    I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm 20 I still live at home, I go to school full time, I work 2 retail jobs, can barely make enough money to pay for my car and gas. Getting married would require me to make more money, A LOT more money. which I can't do since I'm in school full time. So I know I COULD be ready for marriage, (that is if I had someone to marry. My bf and I just started dating a couple weeks ago) but I want to finish school first and live my life a little bit.

  2. Cathy says:
    Sat, 16th Feb 20082:10 am 

    Ditto, Actually I never plan on getting married. Not that marriage equates no independence but i just want to be independent forever. Sure I date but…It's different, still exciting. The the children, or thought of raising a family. Too much, I just too selfish for that, I want to be able to cater to my needs and only my needs at anytime in my life…why spend thousands of dollars on a wedding dress you'll wear once or baby dippers! I know some of my friends who have gotten married or engaged at 19. 19! and I'm not from the rural south , I'm from Fairfield County CT, it's physically impossible to afford any decent place to live at 19 on your on let alone with someone else, while going to school…etc.

    I just don't see it happening anytime at all, and well there isnt anything wrong with that.

    But some girls just don't understand.

  3. Anna says:
    Sun, 17th Feb 20085:07 pm 

    I think that it's important to wait until you KNOW that you're ready. I know that if my boyfriend were to ask me to marry him, I'd say yes in a heartbeat, even though I'm only 19. But there's a flip side to that. I know that I want to marry him, we've even talked about it before, but I'm not ready yet. I can deal with a long engagement, but before we actually tied the knot I have to finish school (Still have 2 years to go), MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS' HOUSE, and have a job. He needs to finish going through the police academy so he can focus on his training more than wedding stuff, and then we'll be ready. I know that a lot of young people are getting married and then divorce soon after, so I figure the best thing is to wait until you're done with school. You can only handle so much stress at one time. =) It also helps to not be old fashioned… I figure we'll move in together as soon as we've both graduated, and it'll be a nice change, since we go to school about 80 miles apart… a big change from high school when we saw each other every day and lived 7 miles apart…

  4. Ashley says:
    Mon, 18th Feb 200811:44 am 

    It really depends on the person. I have friends who won't be ready for at least another ten years or never while I'll probably be ready in a few years, and I'm just 21 now. It all depends when you find the right person, I just happened to find him 3 years ago when we were seniors in high school and 18. But we're both juniors in college now, and our relationship has grown with us, something a lot of young couples haven't seemed to master yet. But if you have a mature, loving relationship with a wonderful man, you wouldn't be so scared if you were in your 20's and getting married. Everyone has their own clock and readiness level.

  5. FAUchick727 says:
    Mon, 18th Feb 20088:29 pm 

    Now matter how mature you think you are you will never know until you take that leap. Obviously if a big yellow then red light pop up in your head then maybe you should yield with caution but in general people who get married young are happy in ways but have only barely hit the infatuation stag ein their relationship. Jobs, bills, growing stresses are what put love to the test. I would say where I am now, I am ready to make a commitment but not ready to deal with the biggest decision of my life day after day. Give me my space for a few more years. Once you land the man it is only a waiting game until you both know. I woudl rather wait it out then be a statistic like the majority of young marriages are… ending in less than five years still in only their twenties.

    I like the idea of waiting it out.

  6. Jes says:
    Tue, 19th Feb 20084:02 am 

    Plus, dont forget how much people change… especially in their twenties. It's amazing to me how people just all of a sudden fall "out of love" with their partner, even though they still care about them. Not a fun place to be.

    I'd say date at least 3 years to really get to know someone, go through some tough times and see how you two hold up.. that's the best way to determine if it'll last.

  7. Al says:
    Tue, 19th Feb 20088:11 pm 

    It's not just about whether you're ready or not, but also your partner. I'm 22. My girlfriend will be 20 soon. Her culture pushes females to get married as soon as possible to a wealthy guy, etc. She talks about marriage and me providing for a future together a lot lately. I lover her and want to marry her, but it's ridiculous for her to have these immediate expectations and for both of us to know it will work out. We're still in school and have no idea where our paths are going to take us. *On a side note, I don't know why people are willing to spend $20,000-$insane on a perfect wedding when they can easily get married through the courts and then have that much more money saved to help jumpstart their life together. Parents will usually withdraw any contributions to the couple if they opt to to put it to better use. Crazy.*

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