“It’s like Looking into a Trash Can and Trying to Pick Out the Most Appetizing Thing”

February 25, 2008 5:30 pm     Posted in Other Stories  Candy -- NYU g+ page

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By Candy

When I stepped onto my college campus fresh-off-the-boat (or FOB, as they call it) from some-obscure-country that I call home, I had no idea of the social niceties of dating in the states; my encounter with the opposite gender consisted of couple of weeks with a classmate in high school, who thought that drawstring shorts were most fashionable when paired with topsiders and gold jewelry.Needless to say, we broke up when I decided that the smell of his pineapple scented hair gel was overpowering the amorous odor of hamburgers and onion rings from burger king, which was our usual joint.

My freshman naivete wasn’t helped by the fact that I had that desperate urge to become the “IT” girl, something I had never been able to do in high school. I had lost 20 lbs. over the summer in anticipation that I would rise to a new social status at my east coast school, stocked my wardrobe with skin tight jeans and bling-encrusted baby Ts and headed to college.

So when I didn’t immediately become the most popular girl on campus, I was a little surprised. And taken aback. Moreover, my pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies wasn’t quite satisfied by the fact that NO ONE in the opposite gender seemed to want to talk to me. But I wasn’t giving up: I was willing to give it another shot two weeks later…and another one another two weeks later…but no action.

I then appealed to a friend who I shall call Courtney. Court listened to my problems, nodding along and making the occasional “uh-huh” as she listened to my ranting about guys not liking me and not being popular enough. At the end of my litany, she spoke a couple of words that seemed to make absolutely no sense at all.

“Honey…that’s because you’re Asian.”

I had been expecting something along the lines of “honey…you need to lose like 10 more pounds” or “you need to reinvent your wardrobe” or even “you need to suck up to the right people” but certainly not THAT.

I was struck by how blunt Court had been. I was Asian…ergo…I was less desirable to the rest of the male population on this campus than the dubious meatloaf dish served at the dining hall.

For a while, I didn’t believe what Court had said…until I came across a post on a website that collected various rumors and gossip on campuses scattered across the nation. One post read “Hottest Asian Girl” and despite myself, I clicked.

The usual suspects were all listed – as I read off the list, I nodded along; A was simply gorgeous, B was known for her modeling career, C was just beautiful enough to stop people dead in their tracks with a single stare…but one post read: “It’s like looking down into a trashcan and trying to pick out the most appetizing thing.”

Okay. To recap, I don’t really remember how I reacted. My first reaction was that it was one of the most racist things ever to say about any group or anyone on campus – then I realized it didn’t have so much to do with race than the fact that these kids were empowered by the anonymity granted by the web.

But logical reasoning came later and I literally seethed. I almost hit “reply” on the message and ALMOST (almost being the prime word here) wrote “What, you think you’re good-looking enough to get laid by ANYONE?” but my sense of on-line civility set in and I kept my thoughts to myself. What Court had said seemed to be coming true before my own computer screen.

After spending several years in college, I have come to love my school. But the idea that someone I know can write that about a group of people just because they are of a different ethnicity truly horrifies me; if they are capable of looking at Asians in a different light than other students, who knows what else they’re capable of? Racial stigma? Racial profiling?

To some, it might seem like I’m overreacting, but this kind of stuff really disturbs me as the initial signs of a school-wide trend; profiling begins at stereotyping different members of different ethnicities and races. In the years after 9.11, people have watched with horror as police officers randomly rounded up members of the Muslim community simply because they fit the racial profile of suspected terrorists. I’m not saying that my campus will impose stigma on Asians, but it is sincerely troubling.

Now I’d like to hear your opinion – What do you think? Am I overreacting? Or are problems like these something we should be paying more attention to?

41 Comments on "“It’s like Looking into a Trash Can and Trying to Pick Out the Most Appetizing Thing”"

  1. wendy says:
    Mon, 25th Feb 20082:54 pm 

    i've never been subjected to this. true asian's aren't the "IT" girl or w/e. but yellow fever is rampant…everywhere? like a trophy girlfriend, but smaller, shorter, asian.

  2. Rose says:
    Mon, 25th Feb 20083:20 pm 

    That is terrible! I don't think you're overreacting at all. That's so extremely racist, and just an awful thing to say. Some of the most gorgeous people I've ever seen are asian (not that thats the point..but still). It's just ridiculous how ignorant and hateful people can be..and i'm sorry that you had to deal with that situation!

  3. wow says:
    Mon, 25th Feb 20089:30 pm 

    i am an asian and that is completely racist.

    who is she to say that about anyone..people need to stop this ignorant shit

  4. Darcy says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 200812:43 am 

    That's pretty fucked up…though I must say that the opposite is happening now. Yellow Fever is rampant, not that I really think it's a good thing or appreciate it. Being liked for being Asian is almost the same as being disliked for being Asian because it's the same kind of objectification, making us less of a person and more of an accessory.

  5. Mary says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 20087:56 am 

    No you're not overeacting at all. Thats terrible that people think that way and see nothing wrong with it. I'm african american and I often find myself in similar situations…it's happened so often that now when I guy I like doesn't give a second look I just assume it must because I'm black. Which sucks but it also weeds out narrow minded guys I don't wanna get to know or date anyway.

  6. Amber says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 20088:10 am 

    I totally agree with Mary!I'm african american too and it sucks to like someone only to get rejected because of your skin color. It's a shame that people today aren't very open minded.

  7. ely says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 20088:47 am 

    yea i agree it is fucked up.

    but i live in california so it might be different from others states since theres more asians here but here there were popular asian girls at my high school. i wouldnt say alot but there were some 'it' asian girls. so i wouldn't say its b/c 'you're asian' thats kind a stupid reason, i think so at least.

  8. Christine says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 20089:25 am 

    I find it sad that people have these opinions. I find some of the most attractive women to be Asian or African American. Latin too, but that's no shocker. I wish people would open their eyes a little and really see people for who they are, not what their skin color is.

  9. meh says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 20089:41 am 

    apparently u had "pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies."

    u might wanna think about ur own internalized images of what is attractive before u go criticizing the images of others. i'm not saying that courtney and the rest of the campus is right in what they think, but the fact that u have already designated blonde guys as hotter than guys w/ other hair color seems to indicate u have ur own racial preferences. in effect, u're living in a glass house.

  10. Chris says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 200811:02 am 

    Just a few points:

    1) If that's your real pic, you're not that attractive. Maybe that's why you're not getting action.

    2) You're a FOB, and FOBs have a harder time being accepted in American society, like all foreigners. If you were Asian-American, things might be different.

    3) Your admitted fantasies about hooking up with "hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies" implies that you have the same racial-sexual prejudices that are actually working against you (as you are not some hot blonde-haired girl sporting Baywatch bodies). Please don't tell me you find all Asian guys totally unsexy and that you have a "natural" inclination towards blonde-haired, blue-eyed boys. If so, then you deserve all the non-attention you're getting right now. Hey, what goes around comes around.

    4) And your campus is crazy if they have a bias against Asian girls. Most people love Asian girls.

  11. Soph says:
    Tue, 26th Feb 20086:55 pm 

    Your friend WAY oversimplified. There is so much more to attractiveness than your race, though race obviously does have a big part in it for many people.

    1) This sounds bad, but if you're FOB, do you have an accent? Unfortunately…that does count against you if you have a strong, or even any Asian accent. That causes people to automatically group you as more Asian. Americans have less stigma towards dating an Asian American than a full-blown Asian with a strong accent. That's not necessarily racial as much, it's more of a cultural thing, and arguably natural.

    2) Behavior/Personality. This also sounds pretty bad but hey…it's pretty damn important: do you act like a stereotypical asian? Do you like anime, video games, the peace sign thing, don't believe in drinking, etc.? This is NOT the kind of thing the IT crowd is engaging in. The IT crowd is out getting drunk as a skunk at frat parties/clubs where anybody hooks up with anybody, or at least standards are significantly lowered. You're not going to be the most popular girl on campus staying in at night and dutifully doing your homework/hanging out with anime club.

    3) Well…are you attractive? It's not like unattractive white girls have it any better off than unattractive girls of any race…

    I dunno, man, just be chill and get out a lot. Don't focus on being popular…

  12. Sara says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 200810:43 am 

    The past two comments are truly rude. There is NO need to specifically list out this writers pros/cons based on trivial things like "stereotypical asain" and her small comment on blonde haired boys. She wasnt asking advice on why she didnt become it girl, and the fact that those commenter's were so quick to judge shows something.

    Its that kind of backwards thinking that keeps society back, have we all not learned, that in this generation, all people are different? The best advice I've ever heard was " if you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say it at all."

    And, no Kai, you are not overreacting. I would have reacted the exact same way. Asain or not, we all are people, with something to bring to offer.

  13. lee says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 200812:58 pm 

    wow wow wow… sorry that i posted it 3 times…

  14. lee says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 20085:41 pm 

    I dont consider it being rude, I actually agree with what everyone else is saying. You were having, according to you,(quote)”pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies”. Not japanese boys, not indian boys, not afroamerican boys and not latin boys either. Hot. Blonde-haired. Guys. Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I consider it completely normal to have have a tendency to feel attractive to people who look a certain way and are of a certain ethnicity. It’s completely normal and, I would even say, natural. I personally am Latin/European, but when I was as early as 4 yrs old, I already knew that I felt more attracted towards blonde guys than toward black guys or asian guys. I didn’t hold anything against them though, most of my friends were black, latin and some were asian, and I treated them all with respect and became even great friends with most of them. Now, I perfectly understand why you would feel offended if someone would tell you that you’re not “attractive enough” becayse your asian, however when you think about it, most girls feel attracted to all-american or european types of guys (or at least thats what the media leads us to believe). Therefore, i think it goes both ways. If people treat you in a bad way just because you’re asian, then I consider that to be an ignorant, cruel and prejudiced behavior. However if a certain guy is not attracted to u because you’re asian, I know it might bother you, but think about those guys you are not attracted to because of their ethnicity and you’ll understand it’s only human. Nevertheless I must admit that even though I dont tend to find black guys attractive, I once fell in love with one and even came to find him attractive and desirable, that’s what love does. So honey, two things: if your in college, and you’re a freshman, i get the whole being popular thing, but hey, dont sweat it, i already went through that and realized that being popular its not all it seems and it makes you compromise a lot- the most popular girls are usually sorority girls, and sometimes the things they have to do to gain that status are not even worth it. It’s college, not highschool, there are usually not those strong “popular vs outcasts” cliches, just treat everyone kindly and you’ll find amazing people and make some of the best friends you’ll ever make. Believe me cos I just started freshman yr in the us, and moved here like 2 yrs ago, so I went from knowing NO ONE, tomaking great friends. At the beginning its super hard and depressing, but in the end you realize that having a tight group of GOOD friends is WAY better than being popular and hanging around back-stabbing trash-talking fake people. Focus on just enjoying yourself, and the less you worry about being “popular” the better you’ll feel and the more friends you make. Plus, believe me or not, I know a lot of guys who have strong preferences for asian girls as well as for latin, so trust me, you’ll have fans ;)

    Take care!!

  15. lee says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 20085:43 pm 

    I dont consider it being rude, I actually agree with what everyone else is saying. You were having, according to you,(quote)”pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies”. Not japanese boys, not indian boys, not afroamerican boys and not latin boys either. Hot. Blonde-haired. Guys. Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I consider it completely normal to have have a tendency to feel attracted to people who look a certain way and are of a certain ethnicity. It’s completely normal and, I would even say, natural. I personally am Latin/European, but when I was as early as 4 yrs old, I already knew that I felt more attracted towards blonde guys than toward black guys or asian guys (even though now I am more attracted towards the tall- dark haired mediterranean type) I didn’t hold anything against them though, most of my friends were black, latin and some were asian, and I treated them all with respect and became even great friends with most of them. Now, I perfectly understand why you would feel offended if someone would tell you that you’re not “attractive enough” becayse your asian, however when you think about it, most girls feel attracted to all-american or european types of guys (or at least thats what the media leads us to believe). Therefore, i think it goes both ways. If people treat you in a bad way just because you’re asian, then I consider that to be an ignorant, cruel and prejudiced behavior. However if a certain guy is not attracted to u because you’re asian, I know it might bother you, but think about those guys you are not attracted to because of their ethnicity and you’ll understand it’s only human. Nevertheless I must admit that even though I dont tend to find black guys attractive, I once fell in love with one and even came to find him attractive and desirable, that’s what love does. So honey, two things: if your in college, and you’re a freshman, i get the whole being popular thing, but hey, dont sweat it, i already went through that and realized that being popular its not all it seems and it makes you compromise a lot- the most popular girls are usually sorority girls, and sometimes the things they have to do to gain that status are not even worth it. It’s college, not highschool, there are usually not those strong “popular vs outcasts” cliches, just treat everyone kindly and you’ll find amazing people and make some of the best friends you’ll ever make. Believe me cos I just started freshman yr in the us, and moved here like 2 yrs ago, so I went from knowing NO ONE, tomaking great friends. At the beginning its super hard and depressing, but in the end you realize that having a tight group of GOOD friends is WAY better than being popular and hanging around back-stabbing trash-talking fake people. Focus on just enjoying yourself, and the less you worry about being “popular” the better you’ll feel and the more friends you make. Plus, believe me or not, I know a lot of guys who have strong preferences for asian girls as well as for latin, so trust me, you’ll have fans ;)

    Take care!!

  16. lee says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 20085:43 pm 

    I dont consider it being rude, I actually agree with what everyone else is saying. You were having, according to you,(quote)”pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies”. Not japanese boys, not indian boys, not afroamerican boys and not latin boys either. Hot. Blonde-haired. Guys. Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I consider it completely normal to have have a tendency to feel attracted to people who look a certain way and are of a certain ethnicity. It’s completely normal and, I would even say, natural. I personally am Latin/European, but when I was as early as 4 yrs old, I already knew that I felt more attracted towards blonde guys than toward black guys or asian guys. I didn’t hold anything against them though, most of my friends were black, latin and some were asian, and I treated them all with respect and became even great friends with most of them. Now, I perfectly understand why you would feel offended if someone would tell you that you’re not “attractive enough” becayse your asian, however when you think about it, most girls feel attracted to all-american or european types of guys (or at least thats what the media leads us to believe). Therefore, i think it goes both ways. If people treat you in a bad way just because you’re asian, then I consider that to be an ignorant, cruel and prejudiced behavior. However if a certain guy is not attracted to u because you’re asian, I know it might bother you, but think about those guys you are not attracted to because of their ethnicity and you’ll understand it’s only human. Nevertheless I must admit that even though I dont tend to find black guys attractive, I once fell in love with one and even came to find him attractive and desirable, that’s what love does. So honey, two things: if your in college, and you’re a freshman, i get the whole being popular thing, but hey, dont sweat it, i already went through that and realized that being popular its not all it seems and it makes you compromise a lot- the most popular girls are usually sorority girls, and sometimes the things they have to do to gain that status are not even worth it. It’s college, not highschool, there are usually not those strong “popular vs outcasts” cliches, just treat everyone kindly and you’ll find amazing people and make some of the best friends you’ll ever make. Believe me cos I just started freshman yr in the us, and moved here like 2 yrs ago, so I went from knowing NO ONE, tomaking great friends. At the beginning its super hard and depressing, but in the end you realize that having a tight group of GOOD friends is WAY better than being popular and hanging around back-stabbing trash-talking fake people. Focus on just enjoying yourself, and the less you worry about being “popular” the better you’ll feel and the more friends you make. Plus, believe me or not, I know a lot of guys who have strong preferences for asian girls as well as for latin, so trust me, you’ll have fans ;)

    Take care!!

  17. lee says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 20085:45 pm 

    I dont consider it being rude, I actually agree with what everyone else is saying. You were having, according to you,(quote)”pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies”. Not japanese boys, not indian boys, not afroamerican boys and not latin boys either. Hot. Blonde-haired. Guys. Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I consider it completely normal to have have a tendency to feel attracted to people who look a certain way and are of a certain ethnicity. It’s completely normal and, I would even say, natural. I personally am Latin/European, but when I was as early as 4 yrs old, I already knew that I felt more attracted towards blonde guys than toward black guys or asian guys (even though now I am more attracted towards the tall- dark haired mediterranean type) I didn’t hold anything against them though, most of my friends were black, latin and some were asian, and I treated them all with respect and became even great friends with most of them. Now, I perfectly understand why you would feel offended if someone told you that you’re not “attractive enough” becayse your asian, however when you think about it, most girls feel attracted to all-american or european types of guys (or at least thats what the media leads us to believe). Therefore, i think it goes both ways. If people treat you in a bad way just because you’re asian, then I consider that to be an ignorant, cruel and prejudiced behavior. However if a certain guy is not attracted to u because you’re asian, I know it might bother you, but think about those guys you are not attracted to because of their ethnicity and you’ll understand it’s only human. Nevertheless I must admit that even though I dont tend to find black guys attractive, I once fell in love with one and even came to find him attractive and desirable, that’s what love does. So honey, two things: if your in college, and you’re a freshman, i get the whole being popular thing, but hey, dont sweat it, i already went through that and realized that being popular its not all it seems and it makes you compromise a lot- the most popular girls are usually sorority girls, and sometimes the things they have to do to gain that status are not even worth it. It’s college, not highschool, there are usually not those strong “popular vs outcasts” cliches, just treat everyone kindly and you’ll find amazing people and make some of the best friends you’ll ever make. Believe me cos I just started freshman yr in the us, and moved here like 2 yrs ago, so I went from knowing NO ONE, tomaking great friends. At the beginning its super hard and depressing, but in the end you realize that having a tight group of GOOD friends is WAY better than being popular and hanging around back-stabbing trash-talking fake people. Focus on just enjoying yourself, and the less you worry about being “popular” the better you’ll feel and the more friends you make. Plus, believe me or not, I know a lot of guys who have strong preferences for asian girls as well as for latin, so trust me, you’ll have fans ;)

    Take care!!

  18. lee says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 20085:45 pm 

    I dont consider it being rude, I actually agree with what everyone else is saying. You were having, according to you,(quote)”pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies”. Not japanese boys, not indian boys, not afroamerican boys and not latin boys either. Hot. Blonde-haired. Guys. Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I consider it completely normal to have have a tendency to feel attracted to people who look a certain way and are of a certain ethnicity. It’s completely normal and, I would even say, natural. I personally am Latin/European, but when I was as early as 4 yrs old, I already knew that I felt more attracted towards blonde guys than toward black guys or asian guys (even though now I am more attracted towards the tall- dark haired mediterranean type) I didn’t hold anything against them though, most of my friends were black, latin and some were asian, and I treated them all with respect and became even great friends with most of them. Now, I perfectly understand why you would feel offended if someone told you that you’re not “attractive enough” because your asian, however when you think about it, most girls feel attracted to all-american or european types of guys (or at least thats what the media leads us to believe). Therefore, i think it goes both ways. If people treat you in a bad way just because you’re asian, then I consider that to be an ignorant, cruel and prejudiced behavior. However if a certain guy is not attracted to u because you’re asian, I know it might bother you, but think about those guys you are not attracted to because of their ethnicity and you’ll understand it’s only human. Nevertheless I must admit that even though I dont tend to find black guys attractive, I once fell in love with one and even came to find him attractive and desirable, that’s what love does. So honey, two things: if your in college, and you’re a freshman, i get the whole being popular thing, but hey, dont sweat it, i already went through that and realized that being popular its not all it seems and it makes you compromise a lot- the most popular girls are usually sorority girls, and sometimes the things they have to do to gain that status are not even worth it. It’s college, not highschool, there are usually not those strong “popular vs outcasts” cliches, just treat everyone kindly and you’ll find amazing people and make some of the best friends you’ll ever make. Believe me cos I just started freshman yr in the us, and moved here like 2 yrs ago, so I went from knowing NO ONE, tomaking great friends. At the beginning its super hard and depressing, but in the end you realize that having a tight group of GOOD friends is WAY better than being popular and hanging around back-stabbing trash-talking fake people. Focus on just enjoying yourself, and the less you worry about being “popular” the better you’ll feel and the more friends you make. Plus, believe me or not, I know a lot of guys who have strong preferences for asian girls as well as for latin, so trust me, you’ll have fans ;)

    Take care!!

  19. Soph says:
    Wed, 27th Feb 20086:49 pm 

    Really, "rude?" Being realistic shouldn't be something that runs counter to our accepted culture of discussion…

    An Asian girl can have plenty of success finding an attractive boyfriend of the race she chooses, or make tons of friends from any race, no less than a white girl. A girl of any race is not guaranteed or forbidden popularity by their race!

    Being "popular," by definition, is about appealing to more, being more mainstream. If somebody is exceedingly easily placed into a category by outward behaviors, NOT necessarily physical attributes (though dress sense obviously contributes to first impressions), they will automatically appeal to less people at the first-meeting level. And of course, you're not going to get to know everybody at your college at a very deep level, so first and second impressions are significant. So if you act in a way that people may interpret to be "stereotypically something," which sometimes includes a preference for social isolationism (is anybody seriously going to disagree with me here?), you don't appeal to as many people as much, female or male. You box yourself in, essentially.

    She was talking about how different her expectations were from what she found to be the reality. She admits that her expectations were unrealistic. She seems to miss, however, that the origin of this discrepancy is not black and white. Today's younger generation is more accepting than any generation before it. Her being Asian should not be a complete social barrier as she seems to imply. It shouldn't be one at all in an ideal society.

    You may be right in that some people may be less or more attracted to you partially based on your race. But going so far as to say that this implies a society's capability to racially stigmatize is a bit much. Again, I stress that it is not so much the color of your skin or the shape of your eyes that affects people's perceptions and treatment of you; your attitude and behavior are far more important in today's society.

  20. Bill says:
    Thu, 28th Feb 20085:18 am 

    Wow, my original post didn't go through. I was going to say — don't worry at all, plenty of blond men (like me) like Asian women and date them all the time. It's like a really common interracial couple, almost like they were meant to be together (like oreos and milk, peanut butter and chocolate, corona and the lime). It's interracial dating fate. You're very pretty, btw, so don't worry, just don't come off as too available or interested, that tends to scare away guys because they wonder what is wrong with you that you are giving it away. Your blond superman is waiting for you, be patient, and use craigslist.org if you are still having problems.

  21. Bill says:
    Thu, 28th Feb 20085:43 am 

    Btw, ignore the haters — you will find a lot of Asian men and White women are resentful that you are dating white men. Just get used to it, and learn to brush off the criticism.

    Also, I see no problem with you liking a particular look — I am similarly picky with Asian women as well. I like Chinese (or Taiwanese of Chinese descent), Korean, Chinese-Japanese (so beautiful), and Chinese Vietnamese (I love Chinese!).

    Be prepared to be somewhat objectified, just as you are objectifying the white men you want a bit. When it comes to a fetish, there's understandably going to be some preconceptions. I think you'll learn a lot and then from there, your tastes might change as far as what kind of white guy you like.

    Anyways, I'm just so happy you like blond guys, it confirmed my theories that some Asian women just love us. Just play it cool, make lots of acquaintances, don't be too shy (but don't be too forward either), and you'll land the guy you want. Not all white guys like Asian girls, but there's enough of us out there.

    And if you see a shy guy you like, throw my advice out the window, and just go for him. A lot of shy guys wait (wrongly) for the woman to make the first move. This mixture seems to work the best, shy white guy, cute Asian girl.

  22. Bill says:
    Thu, 28th Feb 20087:00 am 

    One more thing — as a guy, the accent isn't a deal-killer, just being able to communicate in general is more important. I had a relationship with someone who could barely speak English (Taiwanese) — the language of love and lust transcends the spoken word. After a while, the accent grows on you and becomes cute. But do learn proper English slang and grammar (I'm sure you are or maybe you even knew it already, English language schools in Asia are pretty awesome), it helps.

    Finally, Courtney is a hater — she just didn't want the competition. Don't believe that trashcan thing at all, for some guys, Asian girls are the caviar of women.

  23. Justin says:
    Thu, 28th Feb 200811:55 am 

    The general consensus of everyone that I've ever known is that asian woman are just plain hot, pure and simple. 30yrs old and younger, it's hard to find anyone that'll admit they're not attracted to asian women. Personally, I've dated mostly asian/white women in my life, but a few black, jewish and middle eastern as well. Maybe I'm biased (am part japanese) but if I had to choose between a hot white women, or a hot asian women, the asian would get my vote every time.

    There's also alot of asians in the seattle area though, so if you grew up around here, you're likely to know already whether you do or don't like asian women. (btw, don't listen to the haters, you're beautiful)

  24. Jillian says:
    Sun, 2nd Mar 20087:50 am 

    Just the comments on this thread prove that almost everyone out there is completely naive about racial issues in the Asian American community.

    White people keep preaching the "colorblind" angle because they are the only ones that have the [white] privilege of ignoring race and the problems associated with them. For example, there is a huge problem of white worship and putting immigrants placing whites on a pedestal as the epitome of beauty and financial success.

    Now, white people love this and wish to keep promoting this ideal but it is very damaging to Asian Americans as a whole because rather then construct their own ideals of beauty, they'd rather just change themselves and who they are to better assimilate into white society and what whites feel should be held in high esteem; themselves.

    Sick.

    The reason why minorities resent whites is because whites don't know why minorities resent them.

    Her comments are very telling and ironic. I'd figure more people were smart enough to pick up on that but they are 1.) too willing to seeing someone kissing up to them (white men) or 2.) too willing to keep promoting the idiocy of being "colorblind" because while it looks good on paper, it fails utterly in practice.

    No one sees that she's angry for being rejected for being Asian but isn't able to pick up on the subtle nuances of her rejecting her own race for the ideals of white people? Then, when her worship of white men backfires, she brings up the evils of racism of white people?

    Laughable.

  25. Stacy Kidd says:
    Sun, 2nd Mar 20088:47 am 

    There is no place in the world for racism. On another note, you shouldn't ever have to buy certain things and change yourself just to be 'popular'. Just be yourself, people will one day grow up.

  26. Chris says:
    Wed, 5th Mar 20085:54 am 

    Jillian, well said.

    I don't harbor resentments against White people, and most of my friends are White.

    However, there's something that seriously pisses me off when White people are just unable to see through the eyes of non-Whites. The modern world is largely the product of harsh European colonialism, hegemony, and propaganda, so it's NOT okay just the way it is. Everything that we take for granted is NOT some kind of result of natural occurrence. The fact that Asians like the girl who wrote this article idealize and worship White features like blonde hair is nothing to be laughed at and the product of prolonged cultural abuse.

  27. Bill says:
    Wed, 5th Mar 20088:25 pm 

    There's the haters! Can't she just have her preference? Do I hate my own race (white) because I'm not so attracted to white women vs. Asian, or could it just be that we all have something we find very attractive and unusual about another race? Also, it seems like some people are just genetically "programmed" to out-date, to diversify our genes. Maybe Asian guys just remind her of her brother. Also, FYI, I've heard certain positive personality characteristics are attributed to blond hair in Asia, so she may in fact be loyal to her roots.

    If she wants to date blond guys, who are you to question her tastes? Would you have said the same thing if she had said black men instead? Why the particular ire for someone who wants a man with hair color that is usually persecuted in popular culture post-WWII? It's true you know — blond men always play the villain, the crazy, and almost never the hero in most media productions in the 80s, 90s, and 2000s. Karate Kid, Da Vinchi Code, every friggin Bond movie — Honestly, if she had said brunettes or anything else, you would not have seen half the criticism she gets for wanting a blond man.

  28. Bill says:
    Thu, 6th Mar 20084:46 am 

    Btw Jillian, you forget that when white people do put Asians up as some sort of standard of beauty, angry Asians then accuse them of fetishism and Yellow Fever. So it's lose-lose, no matter what we like or do, it just boils down to minorities being angry at white people. And here's one who's not mad at us, and you're all over her that she should be. Thanks!

  29. Chris says:
    Thu, 6th Mar 20085:29 am 

    Bill,

    Your non-existent level of critical thinking is astounding.

    Asian guys remind her of her brother? If this were some kind of natural evolutionary instinct, it's a disastrous one because how the heck is a species to survive if they are not sexually attracted to those around them? A lot of racist Asian girls use this excuse to rationalize dating only White guys; they also claim that growing up around White people made them prefer Whites. So why is it that Whites are never seen as brotherly material? Why is it only Asians who suffer from this kind of prejudice? Maybe it has something to do with the higher perceived social status of White men?

    Blonde hair has positive connotations in Asian society? Gee, I wonder why this is. Could it be because of a few centuries of systematic racism, colonialism, and propaganda?

    Blonde men as the world's villain? Brad Pitt and David Beckham, just two of the world's biggest male sex symbols. And it's interesting how you bring up Bond movies, since Daniel Craig is a blond-haired (yes, there was initial resistance due to the influence of the dark-haired Sean Connery, but everybody loves Craig now).

    It seems like a stereotypical Asiaphile who dislikes any criticism of the current situation where some Asian girls think that any White guy is better than 99% of guys from other races. Hey, why be critical of the system that gets you laid, huh?

  30. Chris says:
    Thu, 6th Mar 20085:31 am 

    And Bill,

    Your notion that this Asian girl is somehow sticking to her Asian roots by worshipping blonde hair just goes to show the racist view you have of the East and West, where it's the East that's naturally disposed to be subservient and reverent of the dominant West. It's called Orientalism, and it went out of fashion in the 19th century (except for modern day Asiaphiles).

  31. Bill says:
    Thu, 6th Mar 20086:52 pm 

    Chris, I'm rationalizing the same way that I think in terms of my dating choices — I have two very pretty white sisters. When I meet other pretty white women, many of them remind me of my sisters (or my Mom), which is somewhat repulsive from my POV in terms of an intimate relationship.

    According to your theory, white propaganda should make me only desire white women, or favor them far more than other ethnic choices. Instead, whatever genetic or behavioral coding I have makes me shy away from that in favor of another ethnicity where the chances of getting double recessive alleles (is that enough critical thinking for you?) are next to nil.

    It's very interesting how the angry minorities always throw insults when someone does not kowtow to their view or offers another excuse — Sorry, but the world and the judgments made there are not black and white, no matter what your (I suspect) under 24 year old mind might think. I don't blame you, polarized thinking is pretty symptomatic of people in their 20s, if this is true. Get some more years under your belt, you'll see another side to things and realize you're not always right.

    Bradd Pitt? Barely blond, and he's one out of how many actors? Beckham — one blond male athlete out of how many? There are so many more black athletes held up as some ideal, despite disgraceful behavior — sure wish blond guys could get that kind of moral credit. Daniel Craig? Ugly mofo, and a recent arrival to the Bond series (and probably will be gone just as fast). Blond heroes in movies are vastly outnumbered by blond villains, so you really don't have much of a point. Hell, there are probably a lot more minority heroes in movies than blond ones (I'm talking male only, I acknowledge that blonde females are very much marketed as the ideal the world around, and yes, this is white propaganda).

    So tell me again, what's the propaganda she's seeing that's depicting blond males as ideal? Can you actually cite a single movie or book from recent times (in her lifetime, so let's say the past 24 years) that would prove your point?

  32. Bill says:
    Thu, 6th Mar 20086:55 pm 

    Another funny thing — sometimes angry minorities act like white men have carte blanche over the world's women — not true. All guys have women problems, it's just a number game — the more "samples," the better your chances for conversion. You can't win if you don't play.

  33. Bill says:
    Fri, 7th Mar 200810:36 am 

    Another thing — the blond population of the US (natural blonds) is estimated at 5% — that’s one out of 20 people. In the area I live (Los Angeles), that ratio has to be way lower, given the diversity of our population. I would put it at 2.5% here, or one out of 40 — cut that in half for the gender difference (assuming 50% male, 50% female population), it’s one in 80.

    So basically, what you’re saying is that the entire white propaganda machine is geared to steer minorities to worship the tiny percentage of people in the US who actually have blond hair. It is true that in Europe those percentages are much, much higher, but they really don’t produce much worldwide media, do they? I mean, when was the last time you watched a Dutch film?

    So really, by your logic, white men who aren’t blond should be just as angry — after all, why weren’t they considered?

    I think she just has a blond fetish, but I don’t think it matters, as my experience is that Asian women who outdate often are not in much demand by their own race, and this is part of the reason why they look outside. This was my experience at least with all of my Asian GF’s, both American-born and FOB. They were single, around lots of Asian guys, and in some cases very friendly to them, but no one stepped up and asked them out. There was a vacancy, I filled it. The author, case in point — all those years in Asia, only one dude really tried, and was a dork. I don’t blame her for looking elsewhere, you have to find the demo that likes you and meets your standards. If you’re not wanted one place, you pack it up and go somewhere you are wanted.

    I mean, look at the author’s photo. If you’re an Asian male reading this, is she that attractive to you? Different races view their own women differently than those outside the race. To me, she is attractive, but like I said, the “different than my family or race” factor plays into that. Seems like a lot of the ire here is academic, instead of treating her like a unique person who has had her own formative experiences and seeks love and affection, as we all do. I never heard any complaints from my Asian male friends about a shortage of FOB tail, so I think a lot of the anger here is just the usual reverse racism.

    And I restate my question here — if she had said “black men” instead of “blond men,” would you all still be so angry? For some reason blond men are a PC target to attack. Heck, if anything, black men would make more sense if you’re talking about the effects of media on individual tastes — MTV and pop culture have been on a pro-black and pro-urban slant since around 1991, and this culture spread worldwide very quickly.

  34. Andrea says:
    Fri, 7th Mar 200811:44 am 

    First of all, I'd like to say that you're very courageous for sharing your insecurities in the open. It is very hard to do.

    I think it'd help if you begin with yourself from anti-stereo typing then the rest wouldn't matter. Everyone sees through each other's invisible coat EXTREMELY easily, but not the self, or I should say never. Especially, if you act desperately for attention while acting the opposite, it turns anyone off despite races. Being indifferent and daring in attitude had always seemed to be the secret of being "cool." It's, however, a lot of work to maintain that if that's not who you are.

    I work in the fashion & entertainment industry, and it works just the same way in anywhere, any corner in the world. There's politics, favoritism, discriminations and sexism. Human race hasn't changed, finding easy excuses to dislike others or putting them down is often caused by their own unhappiness, a matter of reflection. Moving past that you will be fine.

    From the photo you had posted, you look very "cool" to me. Move past your own environment and others' immaturity including your own, you'll be you own hottie, and you have to believe in that. As far as your fantasy surfer boy, that'll change with age. Everything needs a little substance.

  35. Don says:
    Sun, 9th Mar 20084:34 pm 

    Ding ding ding! Jillian wins! Bill is an obvious Asian fetishist. White men have it so tough in the world. Boo hoo.

  36. Bill says:
    Mon, 10th Mar 20083:56 am 

    Don,

    So what? I guess my point is, not all of this stuff is all about colonialism or oppression. There's someone for everyone.

  37. Bill says:
    Mon, 10th Mar 20084:12 am 

    Also Don, your commented about who "won" is quite telling. Is that how you see the world? People winning and losing? Do you see it on a racial scale? If minorities win, do white people lose? If so, what's our vested interest in helping or accepting you? Under your rules, shouldn't we hold on to whatever we have?

    Also, if Asian (or any) fetishism was such a problem, would she even need to complain here about not getting dates? If anything, it looks like the blonde men there at her school weren't fetishist enough for her tastes. I guess that 1/80th of the white population that was blond males was too busy oppressing minorities and making them angry to pay attention to her.

    Yet more angry reverse racism from the AM crowd. How typical.

  38. Mary says:
    Tue, 11th Mar 20082:58 pm 

    Wow, I returned to this post to see what other people thought and I'm really surprised by the number of posts. I admit I didn't catch the comment about blonde guys but I have to add that anybody can bleach their hair blonde… It's a very popular hair color among people regardless of race. Many people also have a "fetish" for blondes.(I don't even care to get into the whole standard of beauty stuff several people have covered that quite well already.)

    Anyway, I think what we we can all take away from this is that everyone has their own preferences as far as looks when it comes to dating. That doesn't make you a racist. (We all have that one friend who always dates people that look a certain way but still claims not to have a type, lol.)I think the important thing to remember when dating or making new friends is to keep an open mind, be yourself and try not to fixate on whether or not that hot guy or girl has blonde hair (or blue hair…I go to an art school, lol) or whether they're on the football team or in chess club.

  39. Bill says:
    Tue, 11th Mar 20084:27 pm 

    Well said, Mary.

  40. Bill says:
    Sat, 15th Mar 200810:21 am 

    One last note, getting off the racial topic entirely —

    We've all had those times where it seemed like no one wanted us. Sometimes it was true, but often we were ignoring other options that didn't conform to our narrow tastes. In the times where it was true, it may have been some particular character flaw (not necessarily a permanent one) people thought they saw, or just a perceived mismatch. If you try to hard, this makes this possibility very likely.

    Usually when we want something too much, others can tell (women are so good at that), and in this case, maybe the guys are misreading your desire as desperation. Sometimes if something seems to be too good to be true, we think it is, and shy away (a wise reaction in general). If you relax and forget about making it happen, things happen naturally.

    The most you can do is be positive, be selective (a big factor in relationship building) about who you court or seek, and you'll find the person right for you. Guys want a challenge, otherwise they might think badly of you that you are too easy. Not saying this is you, just that all impressions are different for all people.

  41. Bill says:
    Thu, 20th Mar 20085:07 am 

    Btw, Princeton prob. isn't the best place to find surfers, East Coasters don't really do that very much. You need to be here in CA to find a ton of blond surfers, it's like the homeland for that.

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