Was Michelangelo Hot?

I almost wish I lived in the 1500s so I could bang Michelangelo.

There, I said it, and I’m only a little embarrassed about it. I just returned from a two-week sojourn to Berlin and Florence, and the single most amazing thing I saw (and have perhaps ever seen) is Michelangelo’s sculpture of David.

Nothing has ever, ever made me want to get with somebody so much.

Until you see the sculpture in person, it’s easy to pass it off as a commodity. No picture can do it justice, and it’s hard to understand just how incredible it is without seeing it for yourself. The main thought going through my mind as I stood there looking at it, though, was, “Holy cow. How the hell could Michelangelo sculpt a man as anatomically gorgeous as this one? He must have used himself as a model, because the details are just too precise. Michelangelo must have been freaking hot!”

This might seem ridiculous, but trust me, it’s not. There are details on David that pictures just don’t show. The veins in the arms, the just-so rippling of the hip and thigh muscles, the soft framing of the bone structure in the hands…it’s all there, and I am convinced that no artist could ever create that kind of detail without using a reference. And when you’re sculpting a nude that’s the same sex as you are, the easiest reference to use is yourself.

Conclusion: Michelangelo must have been ripped.

In doing a little research about him, some sources such as Gay Heroes and The Raw Story provide persuasive evidence that he was gay, although Wikipedia suggests that he fell in love with a woman later in life. Though I wouldn’t really feel comfortable saying “it’s a shame that Michelangelo was gay,” there is a part of me that wishes I could zap myself back to the early 16th century and court him.

Until time travel is perfected, though, I guess I’ll just have to settle for staring at deeply inadequate pictures of the David and sighing poetically to myself.