You’re Free to Be a Total Mess: ROL 2: Episode 7

Last time: Forget it, who cares.

It’s morning at the Bret House O’ Tramps and Inna’s having a rough time because during the previous elimination, Bret told her that he feels like they are losing their connection. (Like wireless?)

Inna says that as she feels more for Bret, she knows that she’s not stepping up. Meaning that she’s keeping her pants on. It’s got to be exhausting to be in that house for any amount of time dealing with all of the stupid and the tramps.

Big John and his freshly done ‘do give the girls their strip-o-gram outlining their challenge for the day. Two older ladies are in the living room with Bret and he tells the girls that he and Big John are big supporters of the troops. By ‘big supporters’, he’s clearly referring to their flag bandanas, as they have matching ones I’m sure.

So June and Arlene have been USO performers since 1956 and they are going to help the girls with their routines–because these talentless chicks are going to perform in three teams of two and one solo act for a date with Bret. Poor Arlene and June.

Stupid Megan wants to hoola hoop with Jessica; Daisy’s going to sing a solo (I cannot wait); Destiney and Inna are going to dance. (Their lesson with USO lady June demonstrates that they only know how to use a pole.) Ambre and KJ are going to do vaudeville? Tap dance and comedy? That’s gonna suck. They have one hour to learn their routines.

Megan and Jessica are going to recite the Preamble to the Constitution as they hoola hoop and Megan’s brain might melt. Megan’s goes on and on about not knowing “these words” like it’s all written in Sanskrit. Poor Jessica is trying to explain that “these words” mean that she’s free to be a useless ditz and not be shot for it. Too bad they aren’t doing the Emancipation Proclamation. I bet you know how to say ‘proposition’, you idiot.

Daisy’s going to sign the National Anthem. I can’t wait to hear her screw it up.

After their lessons, the girls go off to rehearsal. How can Inna and Destiney not dance in heels? I thought that strippers wore like six inches every night.

And why are these USO costumes so trampy?

Those poor Vets. It’s showtime and Bret’s in the audience and totally nervous. I’m not.

The audience will decide the winner. Even better.

First up: Stars and Taps. Ambre can tap; KJ – sucks.

Hoola Hoops for Our Troops: They take off their dresses. Great. Jessica does most of the recitation. Megan did remember some of “these words” and they both whoop at the end just like the founding fathers did once they’d all signed the Constitution.

Rock of Love Rockets: How do you grind to this? Wow. Wow. They bent over with those booty shorts on. In front of the Vets. Too bad they didn’t charge for this. Who’s got a dolla bill y’all? The guy hosting comes on as they leave the stage to say: “We do have a pole – it has our flag on it.” Thank you, Host Guy.

Bret says that their performance was horrific. Yes, Bret. It was fabulously horrific.

And we end with Daisy the Blowfish. People stand as she begins and OH MY GOD. She can’t read the words off of her page. And she has no breath control. Or tone. Wow.

She camera-compliments her performance: “I’m proud of myself.”

You have remarkably low standards, my blowfish friend.

And the winner is: who could possibly win? The one who gets the loudest laughter?

The audience applause determines that Jessica and Meagan are the winners.

Back at the house: Bret’s somehow proud and hosts dinner for the seven. This is gonna be a mess.

Call out time comes quickly – Bret kind of encourages it with this, “Who’s here for the right/wrong reasons?” No one wants to answer to answer until Ambre grows a set and is brutally honest in her distrust of KJ. She’s like crying and pretty passionate about what she has to say. Then the mess is in full swing:

“We’re sharing our feelings” – Destiney

“Shut up skank” – KJ

Screaming. Bleeping.

“I don’t have to answer them” – KJ.

Bret’s not buying it, he gets pissed and he leaves dinner. I’d be pissed if I had to listen to those screaming whores. Utter dysfunction.

So of course KJ packs. Because she’s crazy.

Megan is human for 2 seconds and consoles a guilty Ambre for calling out KJ. Why do you feel guilty?

Anyway, Bret goes to talk to KJ who does care about what everyone has to say and calling her out everyday. “It’s always about ‘I’m going.’” Just let her go, Bret. It’s not hard.

Moving on to the date: Ed Hardy store. Custom cut shirts. Bor-ring.

KJ is still packing. How much sh*t did you bring that you’re packing into the next day? You’re there for what – 3 weeks max?

Megan calls J. pathetic for not having had stuff bought for her. I. Hate. Megan.

KJ is writing a letter – Ambre wants to talk to KJ – she apologizes.

Jessica and Megan tell on Inna for yelling at the USO lady. Did she? I don’t remember.

Okay, so eliminations – no one is feeling confident and I don’t understand why everyone is so somber.

John means business because he’s bandana-less again. I like Daisy’s hair. KJ’s dress is frilly. It must have taken up one bag on its own. Bret’s emotinoally and physically spent. I don’t care.

When it is down to KJ and Inna I’m sure that Inna’s out. I am suprised though b/c I thought Inna would make it to the final four.

Bret calls down Inna – he’s letting her go because she lost steam but she doesn’t seem sad.

Is KJ manipulative? I have no idea, but I know I can’t stay on the ‘I like KJ’ train anymore.

Next time: music videos; KJ’s getting divorced. “You are f*cking with everyone and I’m sick of it.”