Paris Hilton Blackberry Diary: March 11, 2008

Dear Blackberry,

I just got back from Vegas and I am so hungover. Me and Benji spent the whole weekend together.

He got mad at me for five minutes on Friday because I forgot that it was his birthday, but whatever – I pay someone to be my thinker and rememberer but then I remembered that I don’t like talking to smart people so how was I supposed to know?

See? I’m smart enough to remember the important things. He had no right to be mad at me, right, Blackberry?

You know why I like you, Blackberry? Cuz I can tell you stuff and you don’t tell anyone else, not even Nikki or that attention whore mom Nicole.

You know that Nicole only had a baby cuz the magazines weren’t putting her on the cover, right? And she’s so pathetic – she’s like still hanging all over Benji when everyone knows that he’s with me. I think he’s like magic though – like they’ll take pictures with me and him somewhere and then there will be pictures of him and Nicole together at like almost the same time. I know what she’s trying to do. It’s not gonna work.

Anyway, so me and Benji went to these, like, shows. I didn’t know that they had that stuff in Vegas, too. Cirk du Solay sucked because Punky Brewster was a no show. I don’t even get why everyone kept clapping. I can do those poses when I’m checking myself out in the mirror.

But whatever, so I totally like Benji cuz his name is like a doggie name and he follows me around like a doggie – he can be like my 18th doggie. I love doggies.

So everything was good until we went to LAX. Benji was so lame – he kept talking about something burning in the bathroom, but I didn’t smell anything in there. Whatever, I was too busy being my hot self to pay attention to him.

Ooooooh, you know what I learned Blackberry, by being me and being hot? They have hair gel dispensers in the men’s room! For realzies. This guy saw me trying to fix my hair when Doggie was complaining about the burning and my new friend brought me into the men’s room to help me out.

Here’s how they work: You have to close your eyes, get on your knees and suck really hard through a hose but he said that I’m like a pro at using it and it only took me a minute. It only works if you keep your eyes closed, though, Blackberry, so remember that if you ever need to use one. I’m going to start a charity and raise awareness for getting one in every girl’s bathroom in all of the LA clubs because it’s so cool.

Okay, Blackberry, so me and Benji are gonna go do something. He wanted to go for a walk, but like, I don’t walk my dogs, I have a dog walkerer for that so we’re just gonna get some lunch.

Love you!

Paris