The Facebook Friending Game

When one of my best friends from college called saying she was angry, I assumed it was boyfriend-related and she probably could be calmed down, if not called out for making slightly (very?) irrational assumptions herself.  As I prepared to hear what the boy had done now, I was surprised to hear that it was, in fact, another guy causing her grief.

You know how a lot of your Facebook friends are people you haven’t even spoken to in years?” she asked.

Of course.  The kids in the dorm freshman year, randoms from high school.  We all collect them.

“Yeah.  This guy I met through [boyfriend], who sought ME out and requested MY Facebook friendship, UNFRIENDED me!”

No joke.  She had just received a virtual b*tchslap.  Even I winced.

The connotations of unfriending are precisely what makes it such a drastic measure.  You had a huge falling out with a friend, you broke up with someone and it ended badly, whatever the case may be, something serious must have happened to make someone want to completely cut you out of their social network.  Considering Facebook is about keeping in touch with people, to unfriend someone is to suggest that that person is a social pariah.  It’s harsh.

The friending process is incredibly touchy to begin with.  It can be a delicate balance of self control, deciding whether or not to request someone’s friendship.  Say it’s a guy you hooked up with—do you appear to be clingy if you request the friendship?  Truthfully, you just want to find out more dirt and you know his profile is limited to friends only.  But does he know that? 

Yes, of course he does.  Guys are Facebook whores too.  Two or three of my guy friends combined are probably worse than the female collegiate population of the eastern seaboard…and have the ridiculous friend numbers to prove it.  They stalk, they change their profile pictures, but even they don’t unfriend unless it’s absolutely necessary.

What kills me are the staunchly “acceptance only” people, refusing to reach out to anyone because if a person is truly worth knowing, they’ll know better than to expect such a dramatic show.  These people are a huge pet peeve of mine…friends reading, you know who you are. 

You’re not any cooler than the rest of us and are probably closet pokers as well, but in any case, even the worst of the acceptance-only kids would think long and hard before unfriending someone.  Of course, they probably think the party involved should take care of it for them if it truly is a critical move.

Then of course, you have the issue of accepting the random people who think they know you, live in your neighborhood and have never met you, or think your picture is cute/funny/insert adjective here.  I personally don’t accept too many random friends, just because it’s not someone I’m going to try and keep in touch with.  If we have no connection, do I really need to up my friend count that badly to add a total stranger? 

These people, to me, are sort of missing the point of Facebook.  I’m not requesting friendships with anyone I haven’t at least met once, so I don’t quite understand the characters who want to start a friendship online as opposed to in person.  That’s just me.  The friending process just isn’t that casual.  Unless you’re a company representative or a performer of sorts using Facebook for marketing, your friends should be your friends.  Period.

So which is it:  Are the friending and unfriending processes strictly casual, or are those of us who only believe in situational unfriending too nice?