Life As A Disney Cast Member: Stuff the Mouse Would Kill Me For Telling You

You know you’ve thought about being a princess. Don’t try to lie and say you haven’t. Even the most tom-boyish of my friends has dreamed of wearing a pretty dress, meeting a handsome prince, and never having to work a day of their life. And while I must say I prefer Megara from Hercules to Cinderella, the allure is still there.

This is where working at the Disney park becomes some people’s dream. Some girls, deluded as they may be, are completely validated by having some balding old man tell them that they look even the slightest like Sleeping Beauty. I am not one of those girls, but I am a “cast member” at Disney World (that’s the special term Disney made up so their employees would buy into their spread-the-magic BS).

Up until I left for school this year, I was a dancer in various stage shows at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida, and believe me, it is not always the happiest place on Earth. Dancing around in 105 degree heat, pumping my arms and lip-syncing about how we’re all in this together?!

Not my idea of a good time.

Now that I’m transferring back to Florida, I’m reapplying, but this time…this time I’ve made what could turn out to be a big mistake. I’m applying as a “face character” — or, as you non-brainwashed Disney fiends would call it — a princess.

So stay tuned….because I’m going to show you the dirty side of Disney. The creepy, backwards, sometimes offensive, always shockingly hilarious side of Disney. And you can all live vicariously through my quest to become a Disney princess.

While some girls are applying to live out their dreams, I’m applying for the pay raise. Hey, I’d settle for an ugly stepsister….as long as they’re on the same pay scale.