They’re Not Yours: Breaking Up With an Ex’s Family

Grieving the loss of a relationship is painful; but not as painful as grieving the loss of a whole family.

By Sues

The hardest part of ending my last relationship was the fact that I had to end my relationship with my ex’s parents and sister. After two and a half years of dating someone, you tend to grow close to the people they’re close to. So, when you stop talking to the person you were dating, you’re forced to break up with their whole family as well (except you usually don’t have any hard feelings against the family members). And just like that, they’re gone from your life.

My ex-bf had (and still has, I suppose) an amazing family. The Martins were the types of people who would do anything for you. Because they lived near my college town, I spent a lot of time with them and they became my second family. Throughout the ex’s billions of hockey injuries, surgeries, and hospital visits, I was there like one of them, sitting in waiting rooms and trying to lessen his pain and make him feel better.

They let me use their car to come back and fourth from campus to their house and later from Boston to their house. His mom would call me at work and ask me to check up on him. They cooked me dinner and asked me to help. We all watched American Idol together. I shared fashion tips with his ultra-stylish 13-year-old sister.

It’s not as though I’m a little orphan child with no one to love me. I have my own family with whom I am extremely close to, and who give me everything I need. But sometimes there’s nothing like having a second family who you know loves you and cares about you even though they don’t have to. The only problem is how transient these relationships can be. It can’t be unconditional love like it is with your own family because when push comes to shove, parents have to support their own child.

Of course, growing up I always believed I’d have evil in-laws. Doesn’t everyone? But once I met the Martin family, I understood it didn’t have to be that way. From the start, they opened up their home to me. I spent entire weekends in their family house and vacation house, intruding on their lives, but never feeling like an intruder.

Breakups are really difficult even when you know they’re right, because it’s not just one person you’re losing, it’s a whole group of people. Sometimes I get the urge to call my ex’s mom and see how she’s doing. But I’m pretty sure this would be violating some sort of unspoken code or something. It’s weird to see pictures of his little sister and how tall she is and realize how long it’s been since I’ve seen her.

When she friend requested me on Facebook, I wrote on her Facebook wall, “tell your family I say hi.” Then I hit delete and changed “family” to “your parents.” She wrote me back, “Everyone says hi…we miss you.”

I miss you too.

But I guess this is just a part of life and how it goes. People aren’t always meant to stay in our lives for the long-term, but we learn a lot and gain something from every person we encounter. Life goes on, and new, and hopefully even better, people come into our lives.

Maybe even to stay.