Your Outfit Hurts My Soul: FOL 3 Recap: Episode 5

The show begins exactly where the last episode left off, right after eliminations. Flav wants some time with Bunz and as they are making out on his bed, Flav tells her that she is the first girl to be there. So where was Hotlanta the night before? That clearly was your bed, dude.

By CC Staff

The next morning, the Things and Sinceer talk about how they are the only real ones left in the house now that Grayvee has been eliminated. Poor thing, Grayvee did seem to be there FOR Flav. Sinceer calls their mission to get the fakes out of the house “Operation Focused.” Haha. Get a drink and start Operation Drunk Ass already.

The challenge for the day: the girls will split into three teams so that they can create a children’s bed time story based on the costumes that they’re given. These costumes are going to be so far from kid friendly. And obviously Flav will bring in children to hear these stories.

What kind of sh*tty parents let their children appear on this show? Actually, who am I kidding – if I had a kid, I’d force them on to this show so that I could witness this mess on the set myself.

Anyway, they have an hour to get this all together and they are split up into the following teams:

Shy, Myamme and Bunz. Bunz tells us in her interview that she will be the narrator because she has two kids and reads to them all of the time and for the first time, I notice that she’s wearing a red pleather halter top. Two kids, huh? You bring them to day care in that?

Next team is made up of Seezinz, Sinceer and Hotlanta. Sinceer wants to talk about drugs and make it “funny.” Yeah, that’s totally funny. Have you started drinking yet?

The last team consists of Prancer, the Things and Bee-Ex. The Things think that they’ll win because they’ll take advantage of Bee-Ex’s acting skillz. Seriously, I don’t think that she can act.

Shy keeps telling Bunz how to narrate – so then why don’t YOU just do it, Shy? They listen to Myammee and to me and switch roles at the last minute. This could be dangerous though because Bunz talks about needing full bottoms. Are you wearing underwear? Oh. No.

The kids arrive and Bee-Ex and Co. are up first to tell the story of “Flav’s Playhouse.” Gross title. Bee-Ex is the slowest. Reader. Ever. But the kids like the Things dressed as a large horse.

Next up, Seezinz and team. Seezinz is the narrator and gives the kids pots and pans to bang as she tells the story of “Mermaid and Two Pirate Sisters”. The props should win the kids over but something under that title will soon be released by Vivid video, I’m sure.

And then Shy comes out. Oh, geez, can you sound any more FAKE? She seems to scare the children. They can probably smell her breath. I don’t even know what happens in the story; all I know is that Bunz is the witch and the kids saw her ass. Total accident, but they were traumatized.

The kids get to choose the winner and they liked Bee-Ex’s team the best because of the Things horse. And then the Bunz Bashing commences. Did she wear underwear? Does it matter? Their story sucked either way.

And then they all really get into it. “You didn’t apologize the right way!” Did someone make a fellatio accusation? Oh, my God, get over it. I went to get something to drink because this is so effing annoying.

I come back to see that Bunz went to Flav and he serves as mediator. WTF? How does Flav become the one who rises above this? Flav tells Myammee and Shy to apologize and then – what the hell is going on? Why can’t this show be 30 minutes long? I still have to watch a date where I get to watch Things vs. Bee-Ex round two.

Anway, Flav pulls out of the fight because of the blow job mess (I totally didn’t even mean to make this sentence happen this way but I love it) and I guess it gets settled because we cut to the next day and the Flav-O-Gram.

For the group date, Prancer, Things and Bee-Ex are going dancing. Don Flavio looks “like a black Ricky Ricardo” and how cool is this date? They’re salsa dancing. Too bad Flav is there.

During their lesson, I notice that Flav’s shoes are the same shade of turquoise as his obnoxious shirt and I wonder where the hell he gets his clothes. Like that must have come from the same clown shop where he gets his other clownish gear.

The Things are dressed identically again. Shouldn’t you two have cut that sh*t out when you were 11?

Anyway, they sit down to lunch and again Bee-Ex is on trial. Can’t you just shut up and eat? Bee-Ex seems like one of the few normal women in the house – leave it alone.

After the date, Flav asks Big Rick to fetch Myammee and Shy. They call Bunz a liar. Then he calls in Bunz and she’s kind of drunk. (Um finally – where the hell is my drunk Sinceer??) Flav calls in Bee-Ex and she admits that her aunt is a stylist for G-Unit and that’s how she’s met celebs. Is that enough, Flav? Just eliminate Thing 2 and bust up that annoying talky alliance. Besides, what do you care? You just had a baby with someone else.

Elimination time!

“Bunz needs and ‘out of order’ sign on her butt.” That’s pretty funny but I hate the person who uttered those words. Hey, Shy, what about your stank MOUTH?

Flav says that he was going to send two people home but that someone came through on the one on one and he’s only sending home one girl. Send home two anyway – make this go faster.

When it’s down to Bunz and Bee-Ex, Flav says Bunz’s name and when she walks down he says, “I only called your name; I didn’t tell you to come get your clock.”

Ohhhh, sick burn!!

She goes back to her place and Flav calls down Bee-Ex and we are shown a clip of Flav on a laptop. The show’s interns have discovered that she was on Oprah as Usher’s biggest fan and went out on a date with him. Damn, you had a date with USHER? There’s no way that you could have ever, EVER wanted to be with Flav after being close to that hotness.

And why don’t the people who put this show together google everyone before this mess starts? Remember that Toasteeee porn debacle? Totally avoidable.

Bunz gets her clock.

Next time: Crazy dudes are calling the house for Myammee. “Hallelujah, Flavor wants a girl who can praise the Lord!” And some other annoyingly unholy sh*t goes down.