Don’t catch YOKO!

By Elizabeth

Are you, or any girls you know, dating a guy in a band? If so, I URGE you to read this. In an effort to stop the spread of YOKO, the disease many of us musicians don’t want to be within 100 feet of, I am going to tell you how NOT to catch it. Yoko is a syndrome that plagues many a band-boy girlfriend and once your symptoms begin to show, there is hardly any turning back. Here is how the disease starts:

You are dating a guy in a band. Naturally, he wants you to come see him perform. You go to his show and automatically, you realize something: there are chicks everywhere who want to, or who are at least acting like they want to, totally jump his bones. So as many girls would, you decide to play the role of the coy girlfriend.

You approach him after the show and kiss him, while looking out of the corner of your eye to make sure that the “groupies” see you two kissing. And this is where it begins. The day you become territorial, you are one step closer to being sick with Yoko.

Your boyfriend begins to talk to you about band matters just as naturally as he invites you to his shows. And bands have drama. So when the drama comes knocking; you start to offer your two cents. However, there is a place and time for advice when it comes down to band relations and many girls embrace Yoko by assuming that their opinions are warranted. (But they are not).

Your boyfriend has to cancel plans with you sometimes because of the band. It could be practice, a show, an interview…whatever. But you begin to realize that the band may just be as or more important than you. So once you have realized that you can’t bait him with sexy time…you start to bait him by displaying an interest in being “part of the group”.

You offer to sell merch, book shows, manage the band, etc. These are all signs that you DO have Yoko and it is becoming deadly. It is not your job to be any of these things to your boyfriend’s band…EVEN IF YOU WANT TO BE. Relationships are fickle, whether or not you want to admit it, and it’s not fair to put the rest of his bandmates in a situation where they have to trust that you’ll behave fairly when we all know that your emotions could cause you to do otherwise.

For example, what if you promise to do merch at that big show next month and he breaks up with you two days before the show? Are you still going to go and work diligently for the band that is counting on you? Only a Yoko sufferer would do “favors” like this for the “band” merely as a sneaky way to hang out with her boyfriend.

Your boyfriend goes away on tour and you can’t see him. You start to freak out. No one in the band wants you on tour with the band (for the record, requesting to BE ON TOUR with your boyfriend is pretty out of line, ladies). In one last effort to suck up your man’s time instead of accepting what he has chosen to do with his life; you try to convince him that he’s better off without the band. At this stage of Yoko; you are hopeless.

So how do you avoid getting Yoko? Don’t date a guy in a band unless you understand that the band may very well come before you and is in no way your competitor. Don’t date a guy in a band unless you can trust him and not be territorial. And most importantly, don’t date a guy in a band unless you have your own freakin’ life and sh*t to do at night other than sell merch.

[Dated someone in a band? Have stories? Do tell!]