The Difference Between Sex and Love

When I was 15, I got my first boyfriend. We fell in love, had sex for about three months, and then broke up.

By CC Staff

I was devastated. Like many young women, I had internalized the idea that a “good girl” only ever sleeps with one guy. In a society where sex before marriage is no longer taboo, sex in a relationship that doesn’t last forever is still frowned upon.

Perhaps the breakup wouldn’t have been as hard to bear if I had been able to better differentiate between sex and love. It took me many years — and many partners — to learn that sex doesn’t have to equal love in order to be good.

Unfortunately, I did learn that sex needs to be free of emotional baggage in order to be good. On the rebound from my first relationship, I f#cked my way through my grief. Nothing ever satisfied, and each breakup left me feeling even emptier.

I eventually screwed myself, figuratively at least. I got into an emotionally abusive relationship that ended with some tough lessons a year and a half later. Basically, after 18 months of possessiveness and jealous accusations, I slapped my boyfriend, and he promptly turned me in for domestic violence. A moment’s bad decision cost me $650 in fines and restitution, and nine months of therapy.

Although it was a difficult thing to go through, it also was a turning point in my sex life. I started openly seeing — and, yes, sleeping with — several guys at once. Without feeling that love and commitment needed to follow, I was able to enjoy some of the best sex of my life.

While therapy taught me to be stronger and stand my ground with men, that summer taught me other things as well: Love and sex are not the same thing. In order to be able to enjoy one or both, you have to also be able to recognize them as two separate experiences.