“You Owe Me Like $1000″ FOL 3 Recap: Episode 6

Myammee starts us off where we left off by “stepping it up.” Stepping it up always involves some level of naked. She puts on a bikini and knocks on Flav’s door – but Flav needs to drop a deuce and “set up” for her before letting her into his room. No, for serious.

By CC Staff

And setting up means lysoling the room afterward because Myammee tells Flav how good his room smells upon entering. His hair was 8 feet tall when he answered the door and then under a rag after lysoling every inch of his room – did he really poo and do his hair all in that time?

Bunz is on the phone and she’s $100 short for her monthly bills and who’s on the phone with her? She tells Hotlanta about her money woes and I can’t hear any of their conversation because Bunz is smoking the longest cigarette ever.

Now, I can’t quite tell when this goes down – my guess is the next day – but Rayna calls the house. Seezinz answers to hear Rayna all “tell Flav to watch his grill” and “I’m mad at all of them.” Uh – move on? Get a job?

Big Rick calls the girls down for Flav’s “Total Package Contest.” Each girl will pick a name out of a bag or one of Flav Noid hats to determine who will compete in each category; winner keeps on competing and the loser sits on the loser bench. Last one standing wins.

Challenge 1: Class. Oooh, boy. The Things get picked from the hat and they think that they are classier than Hotlanta. I beg to differ. They have to eat pate, foie gras and brains. $3500 worth. Each plate. Thing 1 is gonna eat because she’s the hungriest. Hotlanta pukes. Things win.

Challenge 2: Hotness. Myammee’s chosen and she thinks that she’s hotter than Bunz. They change into bikinis and jump on trampolenes and jump rope because the one with the highest body temperature is the winner. Myammee wins.

Challenge 3: Mothering skills. Seezinz names come out of the crowd and she thinks that she’s a better mother than Prancer. They have to dress a dummie, get him lunch, put on his clock and get him to the bus stop. Prancer can take better care of the dummie and wins it.

Challenge 4: Spirituality. Things get chosen again and they think that they are more spiritual than Myammee. Who is 3/4 naked. Thing 2 leads a bad one minute sermon and they are preaching to the choir – really, a choir. Myammee is silent at first. Silence can be spiritual. But she preaches and the choir sings the verdict. Myammee wins. Can the choir just sing for the rest of the hour?

Challenge 5: Luck. Why is this a challenge? Shy thinks that she’s luckier than Sinceer. They have to play a game of blackjack. Can Sinceer count? Why can’t you ever be the drunk ho that you said you were in episode two? Shy wins.

On the loser bench, Bunz talks about her money issues. Careful what you say…

Challenge 6: Intelligence. Prancer thinks that she’s smarter than Shy. Professor Rhuel/Ruehl has a PhD in some smarty science and he’s going to give a lecture to them and then each girl has to explain his lecture.

Both of them have never watched any of those Carl Sagan cosmos shows because Shy said that in 4.5 billion years that the sun will blow up. Um, no, that’s not how a star dies. Prancer wins.

Challegen 7: Christ, finally. Prancer vs. Myammee for the win. Flav needs a girl to protect his skinny ass. They have to save a blow up Flav from an earthquake. Why is blow up Flav in a pool? Myammee says, “I’d do anything for Flav but I can’t get my hair wet.”

So, yeah, guess you wouldn’t do “anything.” She ends up getting her hair and eyelashes wet – what’s the big deal about the lashes? – but Prancer wins because Myammee is frozen in the water once the hair gets wet. I don’t even understand that enough to make fun of it.

Ring, ring. Some dude tells Shy that Myammee owes him $1000. Like Rayna didn’t set that sh*t up. How would anyone not involved with that show know their Flav names before the show hit the air? Things, why are you the stupid asses who believe all of that?

Bunz gets caught on the phone saying that she wants to go home. Well, go take care of your family, yo.

Prancer and Flav go on a solo date that is so boring that I won’t bother explaining it here. She does tell Flav about the phone call and there’s going to be a Flavestigation.

[America's Best Dance Crew is on right now and I looooov Kaba Modern or however you spell it. I wanna watch them. Instead I'm watching this. On Easter. Good thing that there was a Flav choir on this episode since that is all of the religion that I am actually able to handle]

Prancer and Flav get back to the house and they can hear the banshees screaming. Shy’s freaking out and Seezinz says NOTHING about what she knows. Why is Shy always fighting with the other girls? You are still not New York. Shy’s cousin died after she was threatened once. Um, this guy knows your Flav name. You’re safe. I promise.

Flav sits Shy and some other girls down to get their story but the green mist emanating from Shy’s mouth is destroying him. Ha.

[Flav's hair is braided into horns. It's braided. To form horns. And he paid someone to do that. On purpose. Sorry, I just am trying to wrap my head around all of that]

Sinceer and Things tell Flav that Bunz and Myammee need to go because they aren’t there for Flav. Hellooo – NO ONE is there for Flav. Flav’s not even there for Flav. Christ. Bunz gets questioned by Flav. I like that she’s in a hoochie dress and fuzzy slippers. Bunz says that eveyrone twisted her words and blah blah no one cares about you. OMG, I’m watching this on a holiday.

Flav plans something to allow Myammee to come clean. He gave her a clock of immunity and she cries and tells him about modeling and some website and working for Hooters. How many Hooters employees ended up in this house? He wants the clock back because the call about which she knew nothing doesn’t come up.

Eliminations: Is Flav’s hair green? No. It’s multicolored. And was it just not braided? He’s obviously wearing a wig and Myammee’s dressed like a Solid Gold dancer.

He calls down Bunz – Courtney – and tells her to go home to deal with her kids. Makes sense.

How much longer can the Things be considered one person? Also, Sinceer’s forehead grows with each episode.

It’s down to Shy and Myammee and because she didn’t tell Flav about the call that RAYNA set up, Angela/Myammee is out. Ooooooh, the reunion’s going to be good.

Shy goes down for her clock and Flav tells her that he can’t connect with her because her breath is so stank. Big Rick and I are laughing uncontrollably. I love Big Rick.

Shy takes her dis pretty well though.

Next time: Calendar shoot with Saaphyri and Becky/Buckwild. Also…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….