I was sick of dating “bad boys” and dudes from the not-so-smart category. I wanted to date an intellectual, a nice guy.
Instead, I got Mr. Deceptive.
Mr. Deceptive was definitely smart, but he wasn’t as nice as he made himself out to be. He was a Nice Guy Poser.
I think the first time I realized this was when I saw him interacting with a florist he used pretty regularly. (Yes, he sent flowers to people often enough to be a regular at a florist! And no, that doesn’t make him the dream boyfriend you’d think it would.)
During this particular visit, Mr. Deceptive wanted to arrange to send flowers to a colleague’s wife’s funeral.
“How much do you want to spend? ” the florist asked as he started to show Mr. Deceptive the flowers he recommended.
“Oh, about $50 or $60,” Mr. Deceptive answered.
Even I, who admittedly knows nothing about funeral flower arrangements, thought that seemed a bit low. Turned out I was right. The florist hesitated and looked at Mr. Deceptive quite hard. “May I suggest you send a live plant to the person’s house, instead?” he asked carefully.
Mr. Deceptive wasn’t only not as nice as he thought he was, he was also completely clueless about it. “That’s not enough?” he asked, genuinely surprised.
“Uh… No, ” the florist said. Shrugging, Mr. Deceptive acquiesced, and together they picked out a nice potted plant in Mr. Deceptive’s paltry price range.
This enlightening trip wasn’t over yet, though — not by far. While ringing up the purchase, the florist somehow got us onto the subject of who versus whom. Mr. Deceptive gladly — a little too gladly, I thought — shared his expertise on the topic, correcting the florist when the poor man used the wrong word.
I was horrified and embarrassed by the exchange, but in retrospect I should have realized that it was merely a taste of what was to come. The more comfortable Mr. Deceptive became with me, the more he let down his guard — and with it came many of the “nice guy” behaviors. He was generally pretty nice to me, but the sh!t he talked about everyone else — a lot of making fun of their grammar and complaining about other minor things — drove me nuts.
Needless to say, when we broke up I wasn’t too disappointed. In fact, shortly after we broke up, he complained about my morals… But that’s a whole different story, so we’ll save that for Part 2!
The moral of the story: Guys who are smart and cocky aren’t really “nice guys.” Intelligence needs to be tempered with a good dose of humility and kindness, or you’re not gonna survive the relationship!