Brian and I broke up under relatively ridiculous terms. We were in the midst of a long distance relationship. A passionate one.

We both got wasted one night and in a fight via text message. And that led to a fight via telephone. And that led to me texting him: “We’re Over“. And then we were.

Like some sort of f*cked up magic trick, I pulled the ‘We’re over!’ card out of my black hat and POOF…our relationship went silent. On the morning after, I woke up so hungover that I didn’t really recall what had happened the night before..until I read my text messages. And apparently, he woke up in the same scenario. But neither one of us made the effort to fix the damage we had done. I think it was because we both knew deep down that we were not right for each other, anyway. Read More »

And now (drumroll please) the news with Kandy Korrespondent

As the price at the pump soars beyond $4 in some parts of the country, President Bush attempted to distance himself from the crisis, stating during Tuesday’s news conferences,

“I firmly believe that, you know, if there was a magic wand to wave, I’d be waving it, of course […] I’ve repeatedly submitted proposals to help address these problems, yet time after time Congress chose to block them.”

These proposals for the most part have to do with allowing the construction of more coal and nuclear plants and opening of an Alaska wildlife refuge to oil drilling.

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer then responded to the President’s criticism of Congress by stating,

“The president has proclaimed that he is ‘the decider,’ but this morning all he tried to do is pass the buck to someone else rather than accept responsibility for his administration’s failed economic policies and escalating gas prices.”

In related news, on Tuesday Federal Judge Claudia Wilken ordered the Bush administration to decide on whether to place the polar bear on the endangered species list by May 15th. The inclusion of the polar bear on the list will hamper the future of oil and gas development in the Artic circle. Read More »

Maybe it was Hot Topic’s fault. Or better yet, maybe it was TV’s fault. Either way, something turned a huge part of our heterosexual male population GAY over the last five years or so…and they all turned gay without even being homosexual. It’s a tragedy, really, and these way too femme boys who supposedly still like girls have even made my own love life tragically hellish.

Katy Perry’s hit single “Ur So Gay” couldn’t have come at a better time. Well, wait… I’d actually say it’s a bit overdue. I could have really used it to get myself through my last break up with a boy who told me that he had shaved his arms so that they’d ‘feel nice’ for me…

ANYWAY, It didn’t take me long to become a fan of this girl. Does Madonna love her? Sure she does. Does Myspace love her? Duh. But that’s not why I like her. I like her because she’s openly quirky. She’s intelligent AND fun and YES, that combination certainly does exist in female society and I’m proud to finally be able to add yet another awesome artist to the soundtrack of my life. Read More »

Nothing says summer like sangria. Whether you’re planning in advance for Cinco de Mayo (beware of drunken frat boys in sombreros…) or feel like you should upgrade from Carlo Rossi’s gallon jugs, here’s a simple recipe anyone can follow, courtesy of DrinkoftheWeek.com

You’ll need:

* 2 bottles of red wine (750ml)

* 1/2 cup Triple Sec

* 1/4 cup tequila

* 1/4 cup sweet vermouth

* 1/4 cup fresh lime juice

* Lemons, limes and oranges (sliced)

* Sugar to taste

* 2 cups Sprite or 7up

*And a punch bowl or pitcher to mix them in

Mix your wine, Triple Sec, tequila, sweet vermouth, and lime juice in your container of choice. Add sliced fruit and refrigerate for a few hours, just so your alcohol picks up the fruit flavors and vice-versa.

You don’t want your sangria to be all fruit, but the more you add, the more flavor will be picked up. If you’re feeling creative, you can add slices of apple and grapes to the concoction as well.

After your mixture’s thoroughly chilled, add your Sprite/7up and sugar to taste. Serve over ice and you’re ready for one cool evening… or afternoon. It’s always five o’ clock somewhere, right?

If you want to make this part of a perfect theme party, make some guacamole and bust out the tortilla chips. Or even make it part of a dinner party and keep it light with taco salad.

It’s true that men have larger brains than women. The average male brain is around 1.25 kg and the average female brain is around 100g less than that. So there you have it, folks. Men are smarter than women.

Sound like bullsh*t to you? Well, that’s probably because it is, in fact, the filthiest kind of bullsh*t you could ever even begin to entertain. Yet, herds of douchebags everywhere are sinking their teeth into this fact and parading around as the affirmatively smarter sex. Read More »

This past weekend, I experienced something that, I think, only very lucky people get to experience in their respective lifetimes. I met my idols, my heroes, my very favorite entertainers in the whole entire freaking world: The cast of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Most people don’t understand my intense love for the show (most people have probably never even heard of the show?), and that’s fine, I don’t understand why people like Nickelback or are fascinated by the minutiae of Paris Hilton’s life, but MST3K was a part of my childhood and stayed with me constantly to my adulthood, so this little TV show is something very precious to me.

So when I heard that they were having a 20-year anniversary retrospective in Dallas at the USA Film Festival, I knew I had to go. These guys rarely get together to do stuff like this and if they do, it’s never in the Southeast, where I live. So my boyfriend and I saved up and right after I finished my last final, we took the three hour plane trip to Dallas for the weekend to meet them.

I had been thinking for weeks about what I would say when I finally got to talk to the cast. At all costs, I wanted to avoid the pathetic, “I’m such a huge fan”, and “I’m so honored to meet you”. I’m sure they get that lame sh*t all the time. No, I wanted to stand out, to create a speech that would make me seem all at once excited, but composed; funny, but not like I was trying too hard. I wanted to make an impression. Read More »

(This is a continuing series on how to undertake a massive move to a new city using my upcoming bi-coastal move—from DC to LA (parents’ house) then to NY for the fall)

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” – Socrates

I know NOTHING about New York! — I mean I know enough to know that I really can’t wait to live there but I know nothing about the stuff involved in finding and apartment.

So, because I am very wise (see quote above), I made a list of things I need to figure out before I can embark on any semblance of an apartment hunt.

Armed with these questions I hit the books: Read More »

Last night’s episode of The Hills made me realize three things:

1. I hate Lauren. Ok, hate is a strong word, but I am a little peeved. This girl has like zero talent, yet Us Weekly names her the Celeb Designer of the year and she gets to move into this fabulous new pad? With a pool and a guest house?
2. Watching the show on a regular TV versus my HD makes Heidi look much less scary. The less sharp the picture the better.
3. Stephanie Pratt’s hair gets bigger each episode

So, obviously, the main event last night was the big move for Lauren, Lo and Audrina. And obviously, Audrina gets shunned to the guest house out in the backyard. That’s not awkward or uncomfortable at all. I guess it works out well for her, though, so she can sneak shady JB in and out without Mama Conrad finding out.

To celebrate the new digs the girls throw a mansion warming party and everyone who is anyone is there. Brody comes with his boobtacular new lady (and a juicer!), Stephen comes with a bag of Jelly Bellys and JB comes with a new ‘do. And I have to admit: he looked really cute…until I noticed the 80’s style cut off denim vest he was sporting. Baby steps, I guess. Baby steps.

Stephanie Pratt was invited, but couldn’t make it after being guilt tripped by her bro (who frequents Central Perk, apparently) and Heidi. Both interactions really make me question Ms. Pratt’s mental state. I have to ask again: does she really think that everyone is going to be ok with her being friends with LC? She acts so surprised every time she is confronted and I just don’t get it. This girl really needs a mental evaluation. Or maybe I, like everyone else involved, have just been totally duped by Her Pratt-ness and this is all part of some big evil plan. I can almost hear her cackling in the back of my head.

Read More »