Craigslist is Full of F&%cking Weird People: The Creepy Poet
April 6, 2008 Posted in Reality

So we’ve been looking at Craigslist Missed Connection posts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And now I’d like to address an animal of a different color:
THE POEM.
Oh my yes, the Missed Connection poem. Some poor guy gets it into his head that writing a creepy-ass poem about the object of his affection (emphasis on object–it’s all about what he saw on her the one time he saw her, obscured by the drool creeping up from his mouth into his eyes. yes, that’s how much he drools) is the way to her heart.
Because women really love creepy love poems dedicated to them on craigslist. Observe:
Hilarious Craigslist Missed Connection:
A single strand of carelessely flung hair – m4w – 28
You shake light across your shin leather boots
and walk with frustrated taps a-clickin’
back, forever trapping my momments gasp:
my coat tails scrape a taxi’s sides, a gawk,
(what luck I’m not eating from stomach tubes)
but I can’t ever lose those auburn curls
which simply twist in quick and flimsy grace
at this foolish man – so eas’ly dismissed.
Humiliating. Freaky. Delightful.
Okay. I admit it. I frickin’ love this.
I mean, it’s a terrible poem. I mean, terrible terrible. But the sentiment is oddly sweet, if horrifyingly obnoxious.
And of course, if it were directed at me, I would ignore it.
Would you date this dude?
Tell us what you're thinking...



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N says:
Sun, 11th May 20082:15 pm
Can you relate any good poems? Or are they all creepy?
Meow says:
Wed, 13th Jul 20116:50 pm
I read a trilogy in Raleigh recently. I'm not a good judge of poetry, but it looks like it took some effort. I'll let y'all decide. Kinda sounds like he gave up at the end.
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2445665265.html http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2452819917.html http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2462759862.html
Hi. Here's hoping we get to speak to each other again — even if it's as briefly as before. I hope it isn't, although I'd probably be too nervous to dive head-first into a deep conversation with you.
No sinful thoughts escape my lips.
The words abound like green grass clips
In summer air so fresh and warm
Whence grey skies part and rid the storm.
Your gentle eyes and thoughtful face
Are hurdles in my lifelong race.
My beating heart seems one with yours,
Still playing that game we play outdoors.
We've spoken once, nay, twice, perhaps,
Yet, I dream of you in my springtime naps —
Of when we'd hold each other's hands,
With no remorse and no demands.
The words we spoke were never said.
They remain locked up inside my head.
I'd let them go and move along,
But what if, perhaps, I was wrong?
What if your doubts and fears are mine?
What if you can look and see the sign,
That, irrespective my silly frailty,
I just don't know what you mean to me?
I saw you again, this autumn past —
Still strong, unsure, but face unmasked.
No sinful thoughts escaped my lips.
Perhaps another's hands upon your hips?
Your warmth and gentleness I see.
Is that enough for us to be?
The winter's cold keeps me at bay.
Should I run home, or should I stay?
Like bobcats' tails and devils' horns,
This poem's too short to tell it all.
Dear shrub, I will accept your thorns,
If you'll nurse me back each time I fall.
You said you wouldn't let me slide.
The rule was set; The distance wide.
I stood and watched the others play.
I played along, enjoying the day.
And as the afternoon did pass,
I made myself a fool, alas.
But, humor's not my saving grace.
My rhymes are steroids in this race.
I'd rather be my lover's fool
Than criminal or even Satan's tool.
I think, therefore, I'll ask of thee
To love me more the more I'm free.
But should the world permit you not,
I'll be all right, unhurt, forgot.
I'll let you go your merry way —
A world apart, with no dismay.
And as the summer's breeze blows by,
I think about the autumn sky.
I wonder if I'll see you then.
I promise not to fail again.
If sorrow is what waits for me,
Then let it come and set me free.
For love's response is all I want,
Whether it's yes, no, or a taunt.
I know that I can love your way.
Your eyes tell me what you can't say.
I want you here with no disclaim.
I want to know more than your name.
Like bobcats' tails and devils' horns,
This poem's too short to tell it all.
Dear shrub, I will accept your thorns,
If you'll nurse me back each time I fall.
Singing songbirds, prancing rabbits,
Lights aglow, permissive habits;
Spider webs and youngsters' doodles,
Rock and roll and chinese noodles.
These are things cast on my daytimes.
Inspiring my oft awkward rhymes.
Please find a way to forgive me
This horrid iambic misanthropy.
No sleepless nights nor days ablaze
Allow me past this Heathery phase.
I reckon that I'll be all right
Once time goes by and mends my plight.
Until that day I will distract
Myself and those who poems attract
with crazy words both meaningless
and poorly-rhymed to my distress
And should my words not hit their mark
I'll take actions that are quite stark —
I will move on and just pretend
That she could never be my friend.
Until that time, I beg of you,
Please forgive my poetic spew.
These words will soon be gone for good.
I hope they've done what good words should.
Insipid thoughts are just my way
Of saying I think that she's okay.
So, as I tumble off to sleep,
I hope you'll think me not a creep.
Like bobcats' tails and devils' horns,
This poem's too short to tell it all.
Dear shrub, I will accept your thorns.
No need to stay; I will not fall.