The Hills: Lauren Dances With the Enemy

My apologies for yet another delayed follow-up to The Hills. It seems that my bed was the only thing I was thinking about Monday night as I passed out before 10PM. It wasn’t until yesterday morning when I received a text message from my friend (“Does Stephanie Pratt Curl her bangs?!”) that I realized the atrocity I had committed.

By Lauren

I rushed home from work to catch up, and even though MTV aired a double feature again, I was left with many questions:

What is up with Stephanie’s bangs?

How does Lauren’s hair go from long to short to long again?

And what exactly is Ms. Stephanie Pratt up to?

The show begins with Lauren’s birthday party. Which, with event coordinators at the door, was much different from my most recent birthday of beer bongs in my friend’s kitchen. All was great until Stephanie arrived and the looks started to fly. Lo and Audrina are both quite upset about her inclusion on the party list, and who can blame them? LC is their best friend and they are worried about Stephanie’s intentions.

Brody feels the same way…and so does everyone else on the planet. But, instead of listening to everyone who cares about her, Lauren insists that Stephanie is a nice person. And they drunkenly discuss it at the bar – “WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE!” I just don’t understand why she is being so dense; how can anyone trust someone with poodle bangs?

I’ll admit, though, that I too wanted to like Stephanie for a little while. I mean, it is not that difficult to believe that she too might hate Spencer. Especially after he moved into her beautiful apartment and told her to wash his sheets. It could be possible that she doesn’t agree with Spencer and genuinely likes LC, right? I know, I’m being crazy. It must be the warm weather (or that bottle of wine I just drank), but I am just feeling really optimistic…

Until I see Steph come into class and stir up the pot-o-drama when she tells Lauren about Heidi and Audrina’s little reunion at the bar. Ugh. How dare this bitch make me believe in her! I hate her even more now.

But let us get back to Heidi and Audrina. I feel bad for Audrina; she is getting dragged into the middle of a Civil War that she doesn’t want to be a part of. For the longest time she has sided with Lauren (probably to get on TV), but maybe she doesn’t want Lauren to tell her who to be friends with or who to date (remember Justin Bobby?). Maybe Audrina likes going out with Heidi – we saw her at Vice with some really ugly chic, so it is clear she likes to hang out with people who make her look better. Who better to do that than plastic Heidi/Barbie?? Whatever her reason, it is clear that Audrina is lying to Lauren and has full intentions of hanging with Heidi again.

[Hm. I wonder who leaked those nude photos of Audrina? Watch your back, girlfriend]

Gosh. So much else happened in the episodes; I just can’t cover it all!

- Whitney impresses Kelly Cutrone enough to make her smile. I am so happy for Whit, but also totally freaked out. It just felt and looked so…wrong.

- Lo hints that she had a thang for Frankie. So cute!

- Lauren gets yet another fabulous (and undeserving) job opportunity all because she helped Whitney take things off a hanger and list them in a computer. And here I sit at a boring job in Michigan. Kelly Cutrone – I know I say you look like the devil/the walking dead and that you never wash your hair, but I am also really good at putting things on hangers! Call me! XOXO