I Swear It’s NOT What You Think It Is. …Okay, Maybe It Is

By Olua

Let’s face it; we’ve gotten to a point in time where “sex” comes into conversation more than last night’s game, politics, or the weather. Whether or not it’s being praised or shunned, it’s being talked about. After all, you guys see how often we talk about it here, don’t you? Sex is here, and I really doubt it’s going anywhere anytime soon.

That said, of course, there are still people who kind of linger on the edge. People who want to explore their sexual side, but are afraid of the way society will perceive them after the fact. People who really have no interest in actual intercourse, but still want to explore their “carnal” side, pardon the expression. For most girls and some guys, the quickie answer to this is usually some kind of sex toy.

There are TONS out there, some wonderful and some horrifying. And still, this is a bit too much for some people. What do you do if you fall into that category? No worries; there’s a whole line of products just for you. And I don’t mean vibrators that pretend to be ordinary items. I mean vibrators that actually legitimately think they’re ordinary items.

No, but really. These are perfectly innocent items that happen to look otherwise. Take for example this vibrating chair in the shape of a hand. …alright, maybe that’s not so innocent.

Oral-B’s vibrating toothbrush, the Pulsar, is a revolutionary breakthrough in dental hyg- …no, really, who the heck am I kidding?

Gillete’s Venus Vibrance razor has the technological wonder of the new century, making shaving easier by using vibrations that cause the hair to stand on end. …Of course, how you achieve said hair-standing is entirely up to you.

And finally, Neutrogena’s new Wave Power Cleanser uses gentle vibrations to help exfoliate and stop breakouts, giving you smoother skin. Erm, ignore the shape. I swear it’s entirely coincidental.

Okay, I’m sorry for my immaturity. Vibrating technology offers a – *giggle* – better quality product in several fields. Other vibrating items, like computer mice – *snicker* – and even dish-washing brushes – *teehee!* – can all be improved on with the very simple and beneficial aid of vibrations.

*breaks into fits of uncontrollable laughter.*