Depression in College: Bad Living Situations and/or Going to the Wrong School (Part II)

April 15, 2008     Posted in Other Stories, Reality

Couch Depression


By CC Staff

I want to return to the issues of studies and irksome classmates I raised earlier, but first, a reader brought up two important factors that can lead to depression: (a) going to the wrong school and (b) dealing with wacko roommates. (I wanna thank one of my readers for adding these dimensions to the present discussion about depression in college).

These two things – knowing that you’re going to the wrong school and dealing with wacko roomies – shouldn’t be taken lightly either. A few years ago, I had a friend who became deeply depressed after she moved into a dorm room with her then best friend. After a few months in college, her best friend became sullen, withdrawn, and passive aggressive.

To make matters worse, her roomie acted out in petty, cruel ways. At the time, my friend felt trapped, because of her contractual agreement with the school and had to wait it out. Things were so tough, she sought counseling, and was able to use that as a channel to relieve stress and anxiety about the situation. When you’re in a living situation that’s gone bad, and you’re either (a) stuck in some contractual deal with your university or (b) bound to a lease, those feelings of being totally out of control can become very overwhelming. I won’t even venture into the realm of “unsolicited invitations” in which you’re exposed to your roommate’s sexual indiscretions. (We’ll deal with that later).

As for me, I haven’t had a bad roommate yet (I knock on wood), but I lived in a despicable situation a few years ago. My address was at the intersection of Student Ghetto Blvd. and Sketchy/Bar Ave. I have never in my life seen so many male you-know-whats relieving themselves at all hours of the night. It was terrifying – not the male genitalia per se, but the seediness of it all. Hat’s off to y’all who like that type of neighborhood, but, as a young woman who owns a dog (and must take him out late at night), I absolutely hated it.

Although I didn’t have a tyrannical roommate, I fell into a deep depression myself, because I was locked into a lease for 12 months. I felt desperate. The apartment was loud, too. The walls were made of Kleenex, and the winter air blew over my legs while I sat (on rare occasions) on my sofa. It was so bad, that I had to find a psychiatrist who prescribed me sleeping pills. Although I hate sleeping pills (no matter how small the dosage, I always, always have a “hangover” the next day), it was the only way I could fall asleep.

The woman above me had a pit bull, and she fancied fights at 4 in the morning with her boyfriend. I also suspect that she was practicing her bowling, as she dropped bowling balls over my head the moment she blasted through her door. Oh, and the pit bull. Yes, the pit bull. As soon as she neared the place, he ran back and forth for about twenty times – he was the size of a walrus, too. With the thin ceiling, the pictures on my wall shook violently. I won’t even get into the frigging parties. That deserves its own section! (We’ll get to that, too).

So, if anyone’s curious about finding new digs in a new city for school – if you can, visit first! I made an egregious error and rented “sight-unseen.” I learned my lesson. If you can’t visit, do as much research on the city and find out where students live. Reach out to students at the university, and ask everyone about the ideal neighborhoods, etc. – trust me, you’ll be glad that you did.

Let’s say, however, you are depressed for another big reason: you’re consciously aware that you are at the wrong school. First, please allow me to express my condolences. That sucks big time. Luckily, the reader who brought this up in her comments is leaving her school and going to a larger university. Given her comments, I suspect that she’ll be much happy next year, and I wish her the best of luck. If you have a gut feeling, feel totally out of place, don’t relate to the curriculum, etc., then I advise you to change schools as soon as possible!

Now, that’s not to say that I endorse “school hopping” (I had a friend who did that. She has a checkered B.A. past, and that’s not recommended). A type of decision like that takes a lot of time. Talk to your parents (if they’re cool), your friends, or a counselor at school about your dissatisfaction. If you’re seeing a counselor already for depression, broach the subject! That’s why you see them, right? If you feel like you’ve tried, you’ve stuck it out, say a year or perhaps even two, and it isn’t jivin’ with you, then it’s time to step back and reassess your college career.

That can be depressing, too. I want to warn you. It might require taking a year off – many college counselors at Ivy League schools recommend, even encourage, students to take time off while they are pursuing their B.A.s – to determine where they’ll succeed.

Once those melancholy clouds have cleared, and you’ve made a decision, you’ll be at peace with yourself. As for those who are living with wacky roomies, well, hopefully that lease is up soon, and your freedom is just around the corner. In meantime, hang tight, have patience, and bury your head in your book – just remember, your situation is temporary.

Again, just focus on your studies, or spend time with good friends. With good grades at the end of a semester, having dealt with a bad roommate/living situation or contending with your mismatched college will only prove that you can weather a lot of things as a young adult.

But wait! Wait! What about if my roommate’s cool, but his/her partner stinks? Also, what if I’m depressed because of a failed relationship? And what about irksome classmates? Stay tuned (I haven’t forgotten)…

10 Comments on "Depression in College: Bad Living Situations and/or Going to the Wrong School (Part II)"

  1. thestorysofar says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20081:32 pm 

    haha, thank you. i actually had a really awesome roommate this year

  2. Ree says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20081:48 pm 

    Thank you so much for writing this! It gave me hope that I made the right decision about transferring. I've been so nervous about it lately, worried that I just don't fit into college life – but I feel so much better now! I really think I'm going to be alright next year… it isn't me, it's just the school! Thank you for the hope!

  3. C. Ryder - Universit says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20082:32 pm 

    Hey Rees,

    I should be the one thanking you! You, after all, inspired me to write about depression vis-a-vis the wrong choice in school!

    You're going to have a much, much better experience – it sounds like you needed to be out of that suffocating environment, and I wish you the best of luck!

  4. M says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20084:44 pm 

    I wanted to comment about Thestorysofar's experience her fist semester of college. Let me just add what you describe is almost exactly what I experienced my freshman year.

    My roomate was a drunk. She was drunk from Thursday to Sunday. She would come home so drunk (that is if someone didn't carry her home) she would bump into the minnie fridge and my microwave (that was on top of the fridge) would be ready to fall. She did have sex in the room with me in it. I woke up one night to her having sex.

    Despite all of this, I knew that she was deep down a god person, that is when she wasn't drunk. When she wasn't drunk she was nice to me although we weren't friends and didn't hang out with the same people. She never did talk behind my back even though she didn't like me as she considered me someone who didn't party and even though i told everyone in our wing about her sexual indiscretion.

    End of freshman year when we had to decided who we wanted to room with the following year, my roommate decided she wanted to live with a party girl like her, a girl on our floor who loved to drink as much as she did. Funny, four days into sophomore year the two got into a drunken fight and the other girl punched my roommate in the mouth and broke her tooth. Funny, my roommate told me later that her parents told her that if she would have lived with me again nothing like that would have happened. It's weird but after that happened she had a new respect for me and we became friends (actual friends that hung out) and we still are friends now after graduation. Sometimes, you never know how things are going to work out!

  5. thestorysofar says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20086:16 pm 

    in my first semester of college my randomly selected roommate hated me- she was rude, uncompromising…i woke up in the middle of the night once to her having noisy drunk sex. once, she ushered in a whole group of people late one night while i was in the room sleeping, turned on lights and music. she also spoke trash about me behind my back to everyone in our building. also, one of her friends tried to steal from me. if thats not a depressing living situation i dont know what is.

  6. C. Ryder - University of Kansas says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20086:20 pm 

    Dear “Thestorysofar:

    I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve gone through such trauma during your first semester at college, and with a roommate no less! That’s awful!

    I wish you the best of luck next year.

  7. L says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 20085:43 pm 

    This series makes me feel so much better. I have had issues with depression (that I'm still dealing with) because I randomly chose to go to an expensive culinary school across the country, and during that time I realized a) I was wasting 10 grand on something that would never support the lifestyle i want and b) that would never make me happy and my uncle who I was very close to died and I couldn't even go to the funeral cause I was so far away and missing a certain number of days at this school gets you kicked out. Then I went through a series of jobs in this field for the next 6 months and pretty much burst out crying at work all the time and now I've decided to go back to university, but it's still hard like you mentioned with the living conditions not exactly being my parents big and comfy home. (I call my place the cave.) Thanks for bringing this issue to light!

  8. C. Ryder - University of Kansas says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 200810:50 pm 

    Wow, L, you’ve been through SO much. I’m really sorry to hear that you lost your uncle, and, on top of that, you weren’t able to attend his funeral. My thoughts are with you – that’s sad.

    Trust me, I miss my parents’ comfy home, too. But if you find a cozy, little place, and make it as homey as you can, then things will be better. I remember when I was in my living situation, I felt like PEACE and QUIET (simple things) no longer existed in this world. Luckily, I live in a quiet, safe, cozy place now (my kitty is curled up next to me as I write, and he, is much calmer than he had been when I subjected him and my other pet – my corgi – to that old dump).

    I’m sorry that you burst out crying at work, too. That’s terrible! But, rest assured, you’re not alone. Despite your struggles, you’ll come out stronger.

    I wish you the best of luck! You’ll find your place!

  9. thestorysofar says:
    Tue, 15th Apr 200811:13 pm 

    i’m glad you two worked things out! its great when that happens.. hasnt for me, but i think i’ll live. we’re not in the same building anymore =P plus the others in our building had class with me, talked with me, and realized all she said about me was bs. so its all good

  10. topeka says:
    Wed, 16th Apr 20082:29 am 

    and one more factor: couldn’t find a suitable boy or girl friend! haha, know what? my bros are just dating on _millionaireloves.com_ and it worked for them~~!

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