The Hills: All Aboard for a Relationship Vacation

By Lauren

Last night’s episode of The Hills was a total snoozer. Seriously; I fell asleep during that dumb Alicia Key’s during-the-commercial show. Poor Alica; you have such a beautiful voice, but your acting skills are so…well…stick to singing, my dear.

Anyways, I really had to force myself to stay awake. Which was especially difficult considering the fact that I need at least 2 glasses of wine to ease my anxiety so Heidi’s face, and attempts at showing emotion, don’t give me nightmares.

The show started with Heidi and Audrina meeting up for lunch. That sneaky little lady; she tells Lauren that she would never be friends with Heidi again and there she goes snacking on a sandwich and chatting it up with her behind Lauren’s back. Then she agrees to meet up with Heidi for “Ladies Night,” after making a really weird “I am not sure I want to do this/I can’t handle those lips, Heidi” face.

Ladies Night ends up being a huge debacle – or total success, in terms of adding a little excitement to the episode – as Spencer decides to go out to the same freaking bar like a little pansy and flirt with girls to make Heidi jealous. But Heidi isn’t really mad until she finds out he’s taking shots with the ladies. SHOTS?!? SHOTS!! I am not sure why shots are a bigger deal than if Spencer bought those girls any other cocktail on the menu, but it was enough to make Heidi shake with anger. And talk about it non stop with anyone who would listen (or, like Audrina, were forced to listen).

Spence and Heidi meet up the next day to talk things out…in Spencer’s car. Well, Spencer doesn’t really get to do much talking, but he is there to take the verbal beating from Barbie. I sort of felt bad for the kid. How is it fair that Heidi gets to dictate the parameters of the relationship and Spencer’s life? How can she go out with the girls and make him sit home and wait for her to be ready to be back with him again? The kid is clearly depressed – he’s living with his sister who is totally stuck in the 80’s and eating turkey sandwiches while his ex hits the town. It is natural that he want some answers, and we all know we’ve resorted to similar immature tactics (like flirting with other guys at the bar to make someone jealous) before.

In the end I just want to see them get back together so A) we don’t have to watch them fight anymore, B) because they are the only people on earth who would want one another and C) so they can make more fine music together.

And that pretty much covers all the interesting stuff that happened; besides Lauren helping out at People’s Revolution and behind the scenes at a fashion show. Which makes me wonder: are these models that dumb that they can’t seem to stay in line or know who is supposed to be walking before them? Is it really necessary to have both Lauren and Whitney back there?

And is yelling at models and telling them to go that difficult that it would really knock Cutrone’s socks off? I knew how to get in line in 1st grade. Why am I still working at a boring office job? Enjoy your fabulous life, Lauren. I think I may sort of be starting to hate you.

Make sure you watch next week, friends; Justin Bobby is making his return. Ugly hats, facial hair and inappropriate gas emissions included.