Love|Updated:

Does Being a Guy’s Booty Call Make Me a Slut? Nope!

23867925.jpgIn college, many of my close friends were perfectly fine with booty calling a guy or being a guy’s booty call. Their attitude was if you can handle having no-strings-attached sex and are safe about it, then hey, why not go for it?!

While I admired their liberal outlook, I didn’t really have an opinion of my own as I, for the most part, wasn’t really booty calling guys or being their booty call. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as if I didn’t hook-up with guys, I did, but I always found myself in situations where no booty call was necessary. Most of the time, the guy I would be taking home with me that night was right next to me.

Really, it hadn’t been until recently, while living in New York, that I’d gotten my first foray into world of booty calls. At a Christmas party I hit it off with a blonde, blue-eyed cutie and ever since then we’ve exchanged numerous flirtatious text messages. Sure, many hinted at action between the sheets, but while risqué, nothing had ever come of them. Until Saturday night.

At around 2:30 am, just when I was about to go to bed I get a text message from him, “I want to see you.” Ah, the ever notorious booty call, or in this case, text message. Even though I wanted to have sex and knew I could have a safe, uncomplicated experience with him, I debated for a few minutes whether I should even respond. While I could hear my friends in my mind telling me to “go for it” I wondered if texting him back and inviting him over to my place would make me a slut.

In the end I invited him over. OK, so maybe me inviting him over did make me a slut according to the still existent double standard, but the only real thing I could be sure of was that me inviting him over really meant that I was just a girl that wanted to have sex. And sex we had. Straight-up, no-frills sex. It was good, it was satisfying, it was exactly what I wanted and needed.

Yet as much as I enjoyed the sex, I just couldn’t shake the thought in the back of my mind that I might be considered a slut for doing the whole booty call thing. When I confessed this to one of my best friends she said to me, “OK, first of all you’re not a slut and second of all, I am super jealous that you had sex.” I laughed. My friend continued, “You had SEX! Do you know what I wouldn’t give to get laid right now?”

She then proceeded to tell me about how being in Americorps has put a severe damper on her sex life as she’s been living celibate since August. There I was worrying about whether being a guy’s booty call makes me slut while she’s trying to cope with eight months of absolutely no sexual contact whatsover. As a single girl who has been there I could definitely feel her pain, which is why I went for the booty call in the first place because hey, why deprive yourself?

I realized that only I could decided how I felt about my own actions, and only I could decide if they classified me as a slut.

Do I think I’m a slut because I am a young woman who is perfectly capable of safely acting on my sexual desires? No, no I don’t.

And neither do my friends.

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Haha says:

      Oh Honey! Keep on believing that. No man wants something that's been used and abused thouands of times by hundreds of guys. Tchya. Women like you disgust me and I am a woman, too.

    2. Nicole says:

      you are hot! but my friends at stdromance- com are hot too

    3. Haha says:

      By the way. Why do you have a picture of a black chick pasted on a blog about booty calls? Stereotypical much? You white people are "funny."

    4. Christine says:

      I love the double standards presented by Haha.

      You know, it's ok for men to do things like this. But for a woman to do it…. SHAME SHAME.

      I honestly don't care. If you're being safe about it and don't start asking for money, fuck away.

    5. THANKS says:

      You are amazing… I had a male friend tell me he used to have a crush on me but he lost all respect for me because I was a guy's booty call, and I had been upset about it all week. This makes me feel better!

    6. molly says:

      ok…

      HAHA: please don't be ignorant…for one, Marcy may be African American for all YOU know, and two, I believe you are the one doing some type of stereotyping here. I hadn't even noticed the race of the beautiful girl in the picture.

      And as for you Marcy….you go girl. We have needs too and being confident enough to get what you want in life doesn't make you a slut, it makes you empowered! And gawwd I hate it that when boys do this they're "studs" and girls are somehow….how did haha put it? "used and abused"?

      I pity you "haha" for obviously not experiencing sex as something that is fun and can make you feel great, and is also, BTW…biologically driven.

    7. molly says:

      oh..and p.s. HONEY…

      Lets not be dramatic here….tsk tsk "thousands of times by hundreds of guys"

      HUNDREDS? thats a lot of boys. More like….11, I believe is somewhat average.

    8. Michelle says:

      How about not encouraging our college students to become too comfortable with booty calls?

    9. Haha says:

      Molly. There's a difference between being empowered by sex and being a slut. They're not equivocal. HONEY. . . the average for a female in her whole lifetime is actually supposed to be around four or five. Women need to have respect for their bodies and they're probably not going to get it by spreading their legs for every guy they think is "hot." When you start doing that you have a sexual disorder. Look it up. It's in the DSM.

    10. Haha says:

      I wonder what this girl's and what the other girl's vaginas look like? Your vaginas and asses must be so loose by now. Like a pornstar. All concave and open. Eww. I'm sorry but that must be a turn off for some men to know that they're having sex with the sixty guys that this girl has had sex with.

    11. Marcy - University o says:

      To respond to comments:

      To Thanks: I am so glad I was able to make you feel better. Your guy friend is incredibly insecure about his sexuality (and probably really insecure in general) because otherwise he'd get over it and accept you for you and if he can't then he isn't for you.

      To Molly: Thank you for the support. I absolutely agree with everything you have said 100%. If you live in New York, I wouldn't mind hanging out.

      To Haha: First of all, the race of the girl in the picture nor my own race has absolutely nothing to do with this article. The whole booty call experience isn't defined by race. Second of all, I only gave one example of when I did engage in a booty call scenario, how can you assume I've been with "60" guys? So fine, maybe the "average" number of partners most women have in their lifetime is four or five, but are you than saying that any woman who has been with more than five guys is a slut? You are way too quick to judge.

      To Michelle: I am not trying to encourage or discourage college students, especially college women, to engage in booty calls. I am really trying to be realistic, that booty calls happen and each woman has to decide for herself how she feels about that. Really, I want college women to be safe about it. Most importantly though, I don't think that being a guy's booty call defines a woman as a slut. In fact, I would say it's safe to assume that most college women have done the booty call thing at some point.

    12. Elizabeth - Baruch C says:

      Why can't it just be as simple as this:

      Have sex when you want with who you want.

      I mean, really? Forget social norms. Forget what 'that guy' one day might think about how many people you have slept with. If he won't accept you at that point in your life for the experiences you chose to have, then he won't be the right person to be your companion, anyhow! Sex is a beautiful thing, if done safely. And girls who have had many partners or accepted booty calls don't necessarily having gaping buttholes and vaginas, haha. That's is just retarded. Assuming a black girl was placed in the article because college candy thinks all black girls are booty call sluts is even more retarded, though. Respect from guys is really so arbitrary sometimes. Assuming a guy won't respect you because you enjoy sex and don't have limitations about it is ridiculous. Not every guy out there is a mindless douche bag. Some guys really are intellectuals who can grasp the fact that some women, like men, are sexual beings outside of emotional attachment. And FINALLY, having sex your way on your terms is not at all disrespecting your body. In fact, if done right, it can be incredibly rewarding and respectful.

    13. Lana says:

      you are just a woman that knows what she wants, and isnt afraid to get it. it would be different if you were sleeping with every tom, dick and harry around town but being involved with one or two guys isnt anything to feel slutty about. Personally I was hurt by my one true love and frankly im afraid to let anyone get close to my heart for a second time so while i may not be in a relationship i do hook-up without that emotional connection.

    14. Heather says:

      Heh, the double standards that women like haha impose on themselves still amaze me. Screw the double standard, theres nothing wrong with both men and women having sex. Just because you have a booty call doesnt mean you are sleeping with the whole town. No girl wants a guy thats slept with 100 girls either! For both sexes, theres nothing wrong with a little booty now and then. Welcome to the modern age.

    15. Shawna says:

      This is a very nice article, but I have a problem with it. You automatically assume that "slut" is a bad thing that you don't want to be. Isn't that the true double standard? Not the actions, but the labeling of them. Because you worry about being or being labeled as a "slut" that implies that you believe some women out there ARE "slut"s and that you are somehow better than these women for not being one (or they are worse than you for being one). This isn't anything against you, just society in general. There really isn't any term for a male slut, except perhaps "man-slut" but that's kind of awkward and implies that sluts are usually female, which is pretty sexist, by labeling certain private behaviors in such a way.

      Anyway, my point is … why does there even have to be a distinction between a slut and a non-slut? The distinction shouldn't even exist. "Slut" should not be used as a slur or a word that has a negative meaning. Unfortunately this point is not addressed, and the word "slut" is used in a very negative context, thus perpetuating the stereotype. Personally, I want to proclaim that I am a slut and proud of it, rather than worrying about being one or not. But that's just me. I hope that you will take my words into consideration.

      Thank you and God Bless.:)

    16. Patty says:

      I don't think having a booty call makes you a slut. If you can handle no frills sex it shows that you are a confident, liberated woman. I never had a booty call myself. I'm not a prud or anything and had I had the opportunity when I was younger I'm sure that a booty call would have prompted me to arrive at the sender’s bed with Superman speed. I just have found that sex w/ whom you have a special relationship is infinitely more enjoyable than sex outside of a relationship. A word of warning though ladies: if you get involved with no frills sex please do not do so with expectations of “something more” evolving you are only lying, to your partner and to yourself.

    17. Janice says:

      MARCY THANKS SOOOO VERY MUCH FOR THIS POSTING… IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM DOES HAVING A BOOTY CALL MAKE YOU A SLUT! IM A BUSY WORKING GIRL WHO LIKES SEX AND I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THE EVERYDAY STRESSES (NOT ALL THE TIME BUT SOME OF THE TIME) OF A RELATIONSHIP. SO WHEN I NEED SOME LATE NIGHT LOVING I HAVE A BOOTY CALL, HOWEVER THIS IS WITH JUST ONE PERSON, PROTECTED, AND WITH AN UNDERSTANDING THAT THIS IS JUST SEX!!!

      P.S. MICHELLE COLLEGE STUDENTS DO WHAT THEY WANT WITH OR WITHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT!

    18. Becca says:

      I have a booty call. He's my go to guy, and he has never used or abused me in any way. He's actually treated me with more respect than most of my relationships. We've developed a close friendship, and we respect each other. We're careful, and close, and we know what we like.

      But he's JUST a booty call.

      That doesn't make me trashy, or slutty. I'm comfortable with the fact that if I'm having a day where I really just need someone to touch me, he's able to. If I really need someone to have sex with he's there. and we both walk away knowing that's all there is.

    19. Jess says:

      I can't say anything that hasn't already been said.❤ this article

    20. Ralph says:

      Black booty rocks yo!

    21. Latoya says:

      Sista' you ain't no slut. But you is a fucking whore!!!

    22. Me says:

      How about we change the double standard my not making it ok for women to be as promiscuos as men by having the men not be promiscuous, too? Or would that be too oppressive in this "feel-good-now-at-all-costs" & "empowered" society?

    23. Jules says:

      Men that call women sluts for sleeping with them too soon by "their standards" usually have control issues anyway. It says more about them that they lack the self-control to stop sleeping with someone that they consider to be of lesser character than it does the person that they sleep with; often what we hate most in others is what we despise most in ourselves.

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