The Top Five Least Sexy Heartthrobs

April 24, 2008 2:30 pm     Posted in Cool Stuff  Candy -- NYU g+ page

Maybe it’s just that I’m getting old and I don’t understand kids today. I don’t watch MTV, hell, I don’t even have cable, I don’t read Seventeen or Cosmo, and I only know so much about Disney stars as far as they have awkward-tastic scandals involving naked pictures. So obviously I’m missing something big if the following guys are supposed to be making my heart or other various parts of my body go pitter patter.


By Candy

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5. Daniel Radcliffe. You may be questioning if Mr. Potter himself could really be considered a heartthrob and I’m inclined to agree with you. After all, that is sort of what this post is all about. But apparently he is, he even has his own section on the Tiger Beat Website. I can admit that he’s cute in a pesky little brother sort of way, I’ll even admit that he was hilarious in his cameo on HBO’s Extras (“I’ve done it with a girl, intercourse wise”). But sexy? Absolutely not. And if that picture makes your girl parts tingly, well, maybe you should get that checked out.

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4. Hayden Christensen. He’s one of the blandest, most white-bread boring guys I’ve ever looked at, and his complete dullness is compounded by the fact that he is an absolutely abysmal actor. I defy you to watch Jumper and say with a straight face, “What a great performance. Hayden Christensen is one of the brightest up and comers in my generation.” You can’t do it!

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3. Orlando Bloom. I realize that I will probably be roasted on a spit for this choice, and I would be willing to chock it up to taste if he had any talent, but he’s a horrible actor. He reminds me of a limp noodle. He was funny on Extras, though (I’m sensing a pattern here).

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2.Pete Wentz. What is the first word you think about when you hear Pete Wentz’s name? Talented? Nope. Handsome? I don’t think so. Jackass? Maybe. No, you probably think of the word “Eyeliner” because that’s really all he’s got going for him. I can’t really speak to his skills as a bass player because I try to stay as far away from Fall Out Boy songs as I can, but his musicianship isn’t a part of the equation for Wentz — it never really was. He’s known for wearing eyeliner. And for sort of being a douchebag.

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1. Zac Efron You knew it was coming, didn’t you? Because Zac Efron’s name has become synonymous with the term “heartthrob” in this generation and for the life of me, I can’t understand why. He looks like a wax sculpture come to life, like if he was melted, I could use him to make my hands softer. His smile is so wide and his teeth are so big and his wax outer coating is so shiny and smooth that I’m half convinced that he was engineered by Disney (you know they have the technology!) to take over the world, one overly staged musical number at a time.

[Any other heartthrob you can't understand?? SPILL it!]

20 Comments on "The Top Five Least Sexy Heartthrobs"

  1. Chauncey says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 200810:38 am 

    Oh goodness…you just crushed my heart a little!! I have been in love with Orland Bloom since he fell out of the helicopter in Black Hawk Down. He is a beautiful man and isn't that bad of an actor! :P

  2. Jessica - FSU says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 200811:10 am 

    If it makes you feel better, I have a sneaking suspicion I'm in the minority on that one! And I've got a crush on Penn Jillette, so what do I know? ;)

  3. mal says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 200811:31 am 

    good call on zac effron though… i dont really get it either…

  4. Casey says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20082:27 pm 

    Thank god. I'm not the only one who can't stand Orlando Bloom. He's not cute, like, at all! But I think Zac Effron is cute in Hairspray, not so much in those two "musicals", which are just further proof that Disney is dead.

  5. Sara says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20084:15 pm 

    Just to defend Hayden Christensen if anyone watches the movie Life As A House they will know that he actually does have a lot of talent he just seems to generally choose really terrible roles to play (in fact I can’t think of a good movie since Life as A House). But anyone who is reading this should go rent Life As a House right now (and be ready to cry your eyes out)!

  6. Kat says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20085:36 pm 

    Actually, I second Mr.Bloom. I don’t get it either. 0_o?

    And I thought I was the only one to notice Zac Effron’s weird waxy complexion. I think most people only like him because Disney tells them to.

  7. Darcy says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20085:43 pm 

    I just want to add Josh Hartnett to the list.

    Not cute.

    He has a weirdly shaped head. :(

  8. Michelle says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20086:44 pm 

    Zac Efron…le eww.

  9. Elle says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20088:05 pm 

    Jared Leto. Ew. He’s so full of himself.

  10. Janers says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20088:15 pm 

    GAG Zac Efron

    GAG!

  11. Beth says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20089:19 pm 

    AMEN!!! I completely agree, I have never understood why girls are going gaga over these guys. It’s like they have been way to metrosexuallized for there own good.

    Whatever happened to real men? or is this just my little fantasy?

  12. J - NYU says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 20089:28 pm 

    Beth, if a guy doesn’t look like he can chop wood for me — even if I never move out of the city — it’s a no go.

    …I’m not such how well Orlando could wield an ax…

  13. Sophie says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 200810:33 pm 

    Whats weird is that I would BOINK every single of those guys, still. haha

  14. Sarah says:
    Thu, 24th Apr 200811:00 pm 

    thank god zac fricking efron is on this list. i cannot stand him

  15. odd19666 says:
    Fri, 25th Apr 20089:23 am 

    pete wentz and zac efron are both gay acting staight

  16. artcollg says:
    Fri, 25th Apr 20081:46 pm 

    They are what my friends and I like to call pocket boys. You just keep them in your pocket and pull them out when you need them. Pocket Boys! You too can have your very own.

  17. molly says:
    Fri, 25th Apr 20086:10 pm 

    I agree with nearly all of these….Orlando IS cute sometimes…but he does lean towards being dismally effeminate.

    But alas, I cannot help but pant a bit when I look at Pete Wentz when he was on the cover or Rolling Stone. He looks good.

  18. Ree says:
    Sat, 26th Apr 20084:49 pm 

    Zac Efron is so creepy. As one of my friends said, "he can't be attractive – he's too pretty. Like a girlish pretty."

  19. Lana says:
    Mon, 28th Apr 20086:47 pm 

    i think orlando bloom is absolutely gorgeous

  20. Lana says:
    Mon, 28th Apr 20087:06 pm 

    and his accent is fucking hot

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