Gracefully Declining A Date

I was at a bar last night, politely making conversation with a group of guys. They were nice and I was bored. Our drunken conversation soon went from the ‘awesome’ weather to a subject even less interesting: me and my singlehood. I like being single. I’d like to stay this way. Yet, somehow, this is always devastating news to everyone from my family and friends to strangers at a bar.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

The response, “I don’t have one”, must be code for “I have SARS” based on the jaw dropping and disgusted looks that shoot back at me invariably.

So the guys at the bar were appalled. And probably simultaneously delighted because NOW, now they had a license to set me up with their ‘young’ friend…the one closer to my age…the one blushing because he is RIGHT THERE…the one I don’t even find remotely attractive.

And alas, I was yet again playing a game I have played far too many times to count.: The “Gracefully Decline Without Hurting Feelings” Game. I know, I know. I should just always be a bitch. To be honest, often times, I am. However, it’s harder to do this when I have been having a genuinely good conversation with the guy. Or when it’s my best friend who really believes in her gut that the new guy in her office is my soulmate.

The line that got me out of bad emotional karma last night was this one:

“I would love to stay for a drink with you. Really. However, I worked all night last night and I’m so tired I can’t think. I’m a useless conversationalist right now. Oh hold on, be right back.” …and that was followed by a never returning trip to the bathroom.

It was weak, I know. It was weak because it was true….I was too tired to think of a better excuse. But here are some others I’ve used that seem to always make my point without doing too much damage:

“I don’t know what it is about me….but I’m actually totally disinterested in dating…”

“You deserve a girl way better than me. I’m a piece of sh*t. Seriously.”

“Sure! Yeah! Lets hang out! Come to my party this weekend!” (and then he becomes aware through the art of demonstration that I’m not interested in doing anything other than being friends.)

“I actually kind of have this thing with this guy right now. It’s not official, but I want it to be.” (This prevents myspace blackmailing when the dude at hand later sees my ’single’ status.)

“I’m really too busy for dating. I know that sounds like an excuse, maybe I’m heartless, but I really care more about my career than I do dating.”

Anyone else out there have some good lines?