The Hills: Take Your Bobo and Go Go

By Lauren

Last night’s episode of The Hills made me realize three things:

1. I hate Lauren. Ok, hate is a strong word, but I am a little peeved. This girl has like zero talent, yet Us Weekly names her the Celeb Designer of the year and she gets to move into this fabulous new pad? With a pool and a guest house?
2. Watching the show on a regular TV versus my HD makes Heidi look much less scary. The less sharp the picture the better.
3. Stephanie Pratt’s hair gets bigger each episode

So, obviously, the main event last night was the big move for Lauren, Lo and Audrina. And obviously, Audrina gets shunned to the guest house out in the backyard. That’s not awkward or uncomfortable at all. I guess it works out well for her, though, so she can sneak shady JB in and out without Mama Conrad finding out.

To celebrate the new digs the girls throw a mansion warming party and everyone who is anyone is there. Brody comes with his boobtacular new lady (and a juicer!), Stephen comes with a bag of Jelly Bellys and JB comes with a new ‘do. And I have to admit: he looked really cute…until I noticed the 80’s style cut off denim vest he was sporting. Baby steps, I guess. Baby steps.

Stephanie Pratt was invited, but couldn’t make it after being guilt tripped by her bro (who frequents Central Perk, apparently) and Heidi. Both interactions really make me question Ms. Pratt’s mental state. I have to ask again: does she really think that everyone is going to be ok with her being friends with LC? She acts so surprised every time she is confronted and I just don’t get it. This girl really needs a mental evaluation. Or maybe I, like everyone else involved, have just been totally duped by Her Pratt-ness and this is all part of some big evil plan. I can almost hear her cackling in the back of my head.

After reuniting at the soiree, LC and Stephen hit the town for dinner. Lauren in a formal dress and Stephen in jeans and a sweatshirt. That should have been an obvious sign that these two were expecting something different from the evening. And Stephen solidifies that when he tells Lauren that the dinner is simply platonic. It seems that even after all this time nothing has changed with these two (except the curfew thing). He probably went right to Kristin’s after dropping her off.

Lauren then does what any normal, heartbroken girl would do: she returns to her million dollar mansion and eats ice cream with her best friend. Oh and makes the friend believe that she didn’t really want anything from the night anyway. I guess we’re not so different after all; poor girl may have a guest house, but we are all just looking for love.

I guess I really can’t hate her. (Note: retract lesson #1 in list above. Keep all the rest.)